I’ve thought it could be dysphoria, PMDD or a phobia or trauma response but I just can’t tell what it is I just know I need those organs out of me, at least partially. But I’m under the impression no doctor will ever do that to a healthy 18 year old especially when I don’t even know what the problem is. All I know the cause of the problem is the presence of the organs in my body so BC does not mitigate the problem, I tried.
Mentioning of them or anything mildly related to them sends me into a depressive spiral or panic attack. This discomfort with this part of my body occupies 80% of my thoughts and has led me to attempt suicide a multitude of times starting from the age of 12. I can’t leave the house for anything other than college/school and overall just can’t live like this. I’ve hated them since I found out they were there but it’s only getting worse and it’s affecting my life so detrimentally. It’s constant so it can’t be PMDD, the only reason I don’t like presenting feminine is because it relates to the organs (if I could just get rid of them and that’s all I’d be over the moon) so I don’t think it’s dysphoria and it seems to be too intense for a phobia and I can’t find anyone else with this phobia. If it’s a trauma response I don’t think I’ll be able to have the will to live to last more years in therapy trying to fix it as I’ve already spent half my life in therapy trying to fix it and it’s only gotten worse.
(I research the pros/cons of each surgery and talk to individuals who’ve gone through them almost every night so I know the potential risks so please don’t try and convince me to not want to remove the organs. I will not regret it, if I did the level of discomfort I feel now would be much more severe than the regret.)
Has anyone got any ideas what this could be? Is it possible for me to get a surgery for this reason? If it is.. How can I get doctors to approve me for a surgery?