At wit's end with almost 6 year old daughter.

Question

My daughter will be 6 in a few weeks.  For the past several months, our house has become a battle ground.  Whatever I ask, whatever I say, is just totally ignored.  It has gotten to the point where I scream 95% of the time.  Getting dressed for school in the morning is a "survival of the fittest" test.  We even put her clothes out the night before, but come morning, there is always a problem - the shoes are black instead of brown, the shirt is "bunchy", the skirt should be pants, the pants should be a skort.  

When I request that she do something - brush teeth, clean up toys, get pajamas on for bed, the answer is always "I don't want to."  I know child rearing was supposed to be hard work, but are you supposed to feel sick every time your child steps off of the school bus in anticipation of the next argument?  PLEASE HELP!

I had a son 6 months ago - for a while I attributed her behavior to his appearance in our lives but I think it's high time she get over it if that's what the problem is.

vicki · Answer

My six-year-old son will be seven next week, and I have had the same problem with him.  He has been so defiant and mouthy for the past several weeks that my nerves and patience are frazzled.  All he does is argue and whine and complain and... it never ends.  If anyone comes up with a good strategy for dealing with this, please post it here so we all can benefit!

candice · Answer

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

My boyfriend's 6-year-old girl behaves the EXACT same way! Especially the morning ritual.....She claims the shirt she loved a week ago is scratchy and insists on not wearing it!

I dread picking her up from day care because it a battle from then on! 

I had even considered leaving the relationship due to the misbehavior or seeking professional help...It's nice to know ...WE'RE NOT ALONE!

TINA · Answer

Geesh!
I am not alone!!!  I have the very same problem with my 6 yr old daughter.  She is very defiant!  She does things that totally blow my mind!  She takes the mattress off her bed and jumps on it, and I have tried to keep her from doing this by telling her she has to sleep in the floor, but she doesnt care.  She draws on EVERYTHING, and I have taken the crayons away from her, but she doesnt care.  Im so glad that she is somewhat acting normal.

Michelle · Answer

Wow! I have been pulling my hair out about my son who just yesterday turned six. He is the exact same way. It is such a relief to know that I am not the only parent of a six year old that is going through this. I can ask my son to do something or not to something until I am blue in the face and it does no good. Discipline is a joke to him because he does not care what I say. It has a become a daily routine that my son and I butt heads and I too am at my wit's end. It is just nice to know that I am not alone. ::::::::::SIGH::::::::::::

Amy · Answer

my almost six year old son is going through exactly the same thing. at first i thought it was due to his new brother (six months old now) so i made special efforts to have time with just the older one. this backfired because he always wanted his baby brother with us. i thought it was great that the baby didn't seem to be the problem, however it left me at wits end becuase it made me feel i was the problem. he is wonderful and well behaved for teachers, grandparents, friends and others but is full of "i don't want to"s with me. he claims he doesn't know how to do things he's been doing on his own for years now such as brushing his teeth and getting his shoes on. it is making me insane and yet i find some solice in the fact that i am not alone.. thank you for your post

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

Dear Christine,

Whatever might be prompting your daughter's behavior (basic temperament, arrival of her sibling, e.g.), the behavior needs to be managed in a sytematic way that does not involve arguing, yelling, etc. 

Rather than go into great detail here, I'm going to refer you to the SEARCH function in this Forum. If you click on it and then ask to search for Time Out, Discipline, Behavior Management, etc., you will see many replies having to do with your very question. I hope you will find this helpful. The key is to maintain your equanimity and emotional control. If, as parents, we don't maintain our own equilibrium, we simply escalate our children's emotionality and frustrate ourselves at the same time.

At wit's end with almost 6 year old daughter.

You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Forum