Possessiveness and jealousy

Question

My question concerns my 8 year old nephew (Joe). At school he tends to "push buttons" with his friends and other boys in class. He'll intentionally say something to hurt their feelings. I have even seen him push his mom's buttons, too. He has also shown a little bit of physical aggression towards the other boys. Joe does not seem to have any empathy towards them. He is also very possessive of his male teacher, needing to be the center of the teacher's attention. If another kid gets attention from the teacher, Joe gets very jealous and finds ways to remove the other child. Joe is extremely fearful of any form of rejection, especially from the teacher. Joe likes to get revenge and he has a low self-esteem, yet he can be very affectionate and is very likeable.

ZeeMe · Answer

Thank you.  We will be leaving for vacation on Saturday.  When we get home I will do your suggestions.  Thank you to the doctor and the question.
Zee

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

You will find a wealth of resources in your area. Child guidance clinics or clinicians in private practice are worth checking out, and you can ask your child's pediatrician for guidance in finding a resource. The school might also direct you to reliable providers. Also, contact the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine at Children's Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle for help. Finally, the local chapters of the American Psychologial Association (APA) and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) can guide you.

ZeeMe · Answer

Thank you for this.  My daughter's teachers told me about seeing some of the same things.  She is 9.  I am going to share this with my husband, and we are going to find some help for her.
Zee

ZeeMe · Answer

I spoke to my husband.  He agrees.  How do we find help in the Seattle area?
Zee

Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. · Answer

AS you can see, your nephew is insecure in his attachments to others and thus feels threatened when he has to share attention. At his age he should be thriving in relationships with peers, though some 8 year olds do have problems delaing with relationships that involve more than one other child. Such a flaw in the development of relationships can occur as a result of parent/child problems in the early years, though this is not always the case. It would be prudent for his parents to have him evaluated by a mental health clinician who specializes in the treatment of children.

Possessiveness and jealousy

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