Boy, there is a lot here, by your overt questions and by implication.  It does seem you have let herpes rule your life far more than you should have.

Certainly genital to oral transmission of HSV-2 can occur.  But as you have read, it is much less common than genital-genital transmission, and yes, the virus really does 'favor' specific body sites.  I'm sorry you spent so many of your sexually active years apparently foregoing a potentially satisfying sexual outlet.  In my opinion, herpes simply isn't important enough to allow it to have such an impact on sexual satisfaction. Condoms always?  No oral sex?  Herpes isn't that big a deal!  What would have been the problem if your husband had acquired HSV, either oral or genital?  Like you, he might have had a minimally symptomatic infection with few or no recurrences; and if he developed a significantly symptomatic infection, he could have been effectively and safely treated to control it.

Avoiding infecting the kids should not have been an issue either.  No child gets HSV-2 except by sexual abuse; and most kids are going to get oral HSV-1 regardless of what precautions you take at home.

Perhaps most important, you don't say 1) what type of HSV is the cause of your genital infection and 2) whether or not your husband ever was tested.  The odds are strong he is infected with your strain--in which case he is immune to catching it again.  The infrequency of your recurrent outbreaks suggests a good possiblity your infection is due to HSV-1, not -2.

So if not yet done, both you and your husband need to have blood tests for HSV-1 and HSV-2.  Those results will tell whether or not he is susceptible and to which type, which in turn will help tell which sexual practices carry the greatest risk of transmission.  Also, you need to find a provider (and perhaps counselor) who understands herpes; your questions imply some deep misunderstandings about the infection that I cannot resolve online.  You might consider contacting the American Social Health Association (www.ashastd.org) for direct advice by phone (not toll free, but well worth a few long distance calls), or for their help in finding a herpes expert near you.

Good luck--  HHH, MD

A related discussion, Contracting hsv2 from oral if I already have hsv1 was started.

My partner has hsv 1 and I have hsv 2. If he performs oral sex, will he get hsv 2? Can I give him hsv 2 if I perform oral? When do u know when its okay to have unprotected sex with herpes with viral shedding it seems like never! Please explain

A related discussion, Living with Herpes was started.

Dr. HHH-  No reply necessary, just wanted to share the following:  I was diagnosed with HSV-2 and my husband was tested about 10 years ago and it showed that he didn't have it (then).  I did think I had a pretty good understanding of herpes, but now I know I don't.  Just the idea that I could give my husband oral HSV-2 did bother me more than it should.  Yes, I have definately not allowed myself to enjoy all that I can sexually.  I guess I'm finally ready to do that.  Your comment on "Certainly gential to oral transmission can occur" does make me nervous, but I know it's low. Herpes has definately ruled my life, but doctors like you are amazing and help those of us with herpes tremendously.  I suppose I wanted to hear "Go ahead and enjoy receiving oral sex, even with HSV-2," but you basically said that anyway.  Again, thanks.