Hi everyone...Well I was on my Way or at least I thought I was??to all that do not know me-- I have been in a methadone treatment facility now for 6 months 2 weeks 4 days for my severe addiction to pain meds on & off over half my life.. I began my Detox phase on October 11th...My dose of 30mg was at 7 a.m. and I did GREAT on that milligram....
Then when "I felt I was ready" I put in my request to dose down to 25mg ---And ...I FELT great on that milligram?
but when I hit 20mg on the 1st of November I felt fine all that day...even had a decent night sleep.. not a DEEP One like I was used to while on 40mg for the duration of the 5 months out of the 6 months ....But as of November 2nd I wasn't falling asleep and when I would finally fall asleep I would wake every hour on the hour...my heart pounding outta my chest, Sweating and shaking so much I backed off my morning CUPS of coffee to just a half a cup and my afternoon coffee I completely stopped due to so much anxiety.....
So yesterday while at the Clinic.... I had the nurse and my counselor stop my detox and had them put me back on the 25mg which will begin Wednesday....I just have so much going on...my husband left this morning for Germany on a Business trip and will be away until the 19th ...and he & I have never been apart that Long in the 21 years we've been married...the longest was 6 days!! Even When I wasn't using and he had to travel I was a wreck - I have been clinically diagnosed as having severe panic and anxiety attacks that began at the age of 33...I am now 44...I now only take Xanax 2 to 3 X's a day ...but they are not helping me at all during this 20mg dose!!!!
So TO all that will hopefully read this DO not sugar coat me I can handle Brutal Honesty so please do not hold back! ...
Did I completely destroy everything I have worked so hard at? I was so confident that I could detox and phase down and HANDLE the withdrawals I knew were inevitable even going the Methadone route. I prepared myself by beginning the vitamins that was recommended to begin 4 in the morn 4 at dinner started drinking my Whey protein Shakes, Workin out .....so I was really ready...But Sunday Night I was on my Knees begging God, Surrendering all that I am to him ...begging for his mercy on me and to give me STRENGTH to continue this road I must travel. so I can finally once and for all BE CLEAN!!! still an ADDICT just a CLEAN one!!!!
But to all that understand what I am talkin about cuz they've been where I am... or Are there now, but omg is Sleep Deprivation THE WORST?? it causes the anxiety and panic to come on like a hurricane or to me Its no different than being drunk?? My driving is scary I cant concentrate.....
So ...please....give feedback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sad n mad but relieved all at the same time??