Aa
Suggestions Needed
I am not new to MedHelp, but I am new to this board.
I have a beautiful, spirited, 12 yo son. He is fun and has a fantastic sense of humor. He's energetic, sweet, loving, passionate, compassionate, and sensitive. When he's really unhappy about something, it's not pretty, but you will never find a more fun kid to watch open presents on Christmas morning. He's intense. He has acute senses (or else he just reacts extremely to them)--when he's hot, he may pass out from a heat stroke, when he's thirsty, you'd think he'd been in the desert for days without water--he just may die of thirst if you don't get him water immediately. His sock seams bother him and he removes all tags from all clothing. He's also has your classic ADHD symptoms--especially impulsiveness and focusing issues.
I have suspected that my son would be diagnosed with ADHD for a long time now, but have never had the diagnosis since prescription medication wasn't something we were willing to consider. We home school, so I haven't had any pressure from a school or teacher to have him evaluated. We've coped with it by taking frequent breaks, appealing to his right-brain and kinesthetic learning style, reading his cues to try to avoid meltdowns (at birthday parties or park days, if he appeared to be getting overstimulated, we'd just leave or go sit away from everyone for a while).
I have heard some good arguments over the years for medicating--one popular one is "If he had diabetes, would you not give him insulin?" But there is no conclusive medical test that says without a doubt that a child has ADHD. It's too subjective for my liking. And the brain is a very complex thing and there seems to be little conclusive understanding of how or why the medications seem to work and no one really can say for certain what the long-term effects on the developing brain will be down the road. I know that many people disagree with this, but we each need to do what we feel comfortable doing and this is where I am with it.
I have read books on the subject and have worked with behavior modification and cognitive behavioral therapy to help the symptoms over the years. We have tried herbs, biofeedback, meditation, Ayurvedic remedies, vitamins, etc. and didn't think any of it worked, but, while cleaning out the cupboard the other day, I realized that we really could not have given those things a fair chance since all of the bottles were at least half full. I have learned that if ds gives me a raised eyebrow or rolls his eyes during a consultation, I can guarantee it won't work (I think believing something will work is really important) and he resists even taking it. After printing several things about the potential benefits of Omega-3 and having him read about it over the past week, he seems to be on board with it and has committed to trying it for at least three months. So this is where we are with that right now.
He has improved over the years (can now come to me to say he needs to leave when he's feeling overwhelmed or annoyed about something and can exercise better control in situations in which he previously struggled), but he's is now facing puberty and so we've added the typical things associated with that into the mix. And while he has improved over the years, the older he gets, the less acceptable the behaviors are when they do occur. When you lose it and shove someone or blurt out something cruel or inappropriate (he once asked a woman why she has a mustache) at 6 or 7 or 8 years old, it's not so bad because all kids at some point can do that sort of thing at those ages. But at 12, his peers have more control of themselves and they have more of a say in who they want to hang out with.
His impulsiveness is the biggest issue right now and it's been hard for him. So hard, that he has decided to not join a homeschool teen group (you can join at age 12, but they expect you to be mature enough to behave appropriately--and I told him this). At first he just said, "It doesn't sound like fun." and then he said, "I get overwhelmed in big groups." Then, later that night, he admitted that he just couldn't take the other kids thinking he's bad--he couldn't take the rejection if he gets kicked out of the group."
I have one friend who is now pushing for me to take my son for a diagnosis and try meds. She insists that I am doing him a disservice by not taking him because his self-esteem is suffering. She says that he will feel better about himself, we'd all be happier, he'd have more friends and could join the teen group, etc. So, I made an appointment with his pediatrician and started to read online about the various medications. And it made me feel sick. My gut feeling is just really bad when it comes to the medication. I am just not feeling comfortable with it. So I cancelled the appointment (which was supposed to be for today) and I'm back to trying to figure out some other ways to try to help him.
I learned to "choose my battles' and have a very go-with-the-flow attitude, but I'm wondering if more structure wouldn't help--I know he'll resist this, but he may like it eventually and feel better having more structure and a schedule. This will be tough for me because I'm not a very organized or structured person, but if it will help him, I'll do what I have to do to make it work. But I don't even know where to begin with that. When I've tried it in the past, the list of things to do would overwhelm him (I think it was too detailed or something) and he'd try it, but would end up veering off it and then we'd go on vacation or something and it went out the window.
Also--video games. I hate them. He loves them. I think I have figured out something that could work (have him only play certain games (that aren't a problem) and limit it to three battles or competitions instead of setting a timer and having him get upset if he's in the middle of a game). But should I just omit them altogether? I really don't want to take something he really enjoys, but if it really is a bad thing for him, maybe it needs to go.
I'm sorry this is so long--I just wanted to give a complete picture (it's hard to make suggestions when you don't know enough). Any suggestions and/or experiences with alternative remedies, schedules, behavioral modification techniques, etc. will be greatly appreciated.
I have a beautiful, spirited, 12 yo son. He is fun and has a fantastic sense of humor. He's energetic, sweet, loving, passionate, compassionate, and sensitive. When he's really unhappy about something, it's not pretty, but you will never find a more fun kid to watch open presents on Christmas morning. He's intense. He has acute senses (or else he just reacts extremely to them)--when he's hot, he may pass out from a heat stroke, when he's thirsty, you'd think he'd been in the desert for days without water--he just may die of thirst if you don't get him water immediately. His sock seams bother him and he removes all tags from all clothing. He's also has your classic ADHD symptoms--especially impulsiveness and focusing issues.
I have suspected that my son would be diagnosed with ADHD for a long time now, but have never had the diagnosis since prescription medication wasn't something we were willing to consider. We home school, so I haven't had any pressure from a school or teacher to have him evaluated. We've coped with it by taking frequent breaks, appealing to his right-brain and kinesthetic learning style, reading his cues to try to avoid meltdowns (at birthday parties or park days, if he appeared to be getting overstimulated, we'd just leave or go sit away from everyone for a while).
I have heard some good arguments over the years for medicating--one popular one is "If he had diabetes, would you not give him insulin?" But there is no conclusive medical test that says without a doubt that a child has ADHD. It's too subjective for my liking. And the brain is a very complex thing and there seems to be little conclusive understanding of how or why the medications seem to work and no one really can say for certain what the long-term effects on the developing brain will be down the road. I know that many people disagree with this, but we each need to do what we feel comfortable doing and this is where I am with it.
I have read books on the subject and have worked with behavior modification and cognitive behavioral therapy to help the symptoms over the years. We have tried herbs, biofeedback, meditation, Ayurvedic remedies, vitamins, etc. and didn't think any of it worked, but, while cleaning out the cupboard the other day, I realized that we really could not have given those things a fair chance since all of the bottles were at least half full. I have learned that if ds gives me a raised eyebrow or rolls his eyes during a consultation, I can guarantee it won't work (I think believing something will work is really important) and he resists even taking it. After printing several things about the potential benefits of Omega-3 and having him read about it over the past week, he seems to be on board with it and has committed to trying it for at least three months. So this is where we are with that right now.
He has improved over the years (can now come to me to say he needs to leave when he's feeling overwhelmed or annoyed about something and can exercise better control in situations in which he previously struggled), but he's is now facing puberty and so we've added the typical things associated with that into the mix. And while he has improved over the years, the older he gets, the less acceptable the behaviors are when they do occur. When you lose it and shove someone or blurt out something cruel or inappropriate (he once asked a woman why she has a mustache) at 6 or 7 or 8 years old, it's not so bad because all kids at some point can do that sort of thing at those ages. But at 12, his peers have more control of themselves and they have more of a say in who they want to hang out with.
His impulsiveness is the biggest issue right now and it's been hard for him. So hard, that he has decided to not join a homeschool teen group (you can join at age 12, but they expect you to be mature enough to behave appropriately--and I told him this). At first he just said, "It doesn't sound like fun." and then he said, "I get overwhelmed in big groups." Then, later that night, he admitted that he just couldn't take the other kids thinking he's bad--he couldn't take the rejection if he gets kicked out of the group."
I have one friend who is now pushing for me to take my son for a diagnosis and try meds. She insists that I am doing him a disservice by not taking him because his self-esteem is suffering. She says that he will feel better about himself, we'd all be happier, he'd have more friends and could join the teen group, etc. So, I made an appointment with his pediatrician and started to read online about the various medications. And it made me feel sick. My gut feeling is just really bad when it comes to the medication. I am just not feeling comfortable with it. So I cancelled the appointment (which was supposed to be for today) and I'm back to trying to figure out some other ways to try to help him.
I learned to "choose my battles' and have a very go-with-the-flow attitude, but I'm wondering if more structure wouldn't help--I know he'll resist this, but he may like it eventually and feel better having more structure and a schedule. This will be tough for me because I'm not a very organized or structured person, but if it will help him, I'll do what I have to do to make it work. But I don't even know where to begin with that. When I've tried it in the past, the list of things to do would overwhelm him (I think it was too detailed or something) and he'd try it, but would end up veering off it and then we'd go on vacation or something and it went out the window.
Also--video games. I hate them. He loves them. I think I have figured out something that could work (have him only play certain games (that aren't a problem) and limit it to three battles or competitions instead of setting a timer and having him get upset if he's in the middle of a game). But should I just omit them altogether? I really don't want to take something he really enjoys, but if it really is a bad thing for him, maybe it needs to go.
I'm sorry this is so long--I just wanted to give a complete picture (it's hard to make suggestions when you don't know enough). Any suggestions and/or experiences with alternative remedies, schedules, behavioral modification techniques, etc. will be greatly appreciated.
I have two kids with ADHD my daughter who is 8 she does not take anything because she is not that bad and we have learned how to manage it for her. My son on the other hand was diagnoses at anearlier age and his is much more severe. I was so afraid i didn't want to give my poor little boy pills. I read so much stuff on ADHD and found that self-esteem becomes a big issue for these kids, and the depressiion, and the teenage years, and self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. and I thought well if there's somewthing i can do now while he is still little then I had better do it. I put him on adderall it was about half way through kindergarten. His teacher came to me and said are you doing something different with your son? I said yea i started giving him medication for his ADHD. She knew he had it but i din't tell her about the meds. She said it is like a miracle! She said if you give it to kids who don't need you don't notice a difference, but if you give it to a kid who really needs it makes a world of difference. I felt validated and i knew i made the best choice for him. She said she had to re-teach him everything she taught him from the begining of the year, because he didn't really learn any of it. You can always try it for a little while like a month, and if it doesn't make things better than you could have imagined stop giving it to him. ADHD is very real, it may be overdiagnosed and over medicated, but that doesn't mean you and your son have to suffer. It is not a drug that kids have to be weaned from it goes in the body and out, so you could even not give it to him on the weekend if you wanted to so he could be his "natural self".
If he drifts off into daydream world during lectures, has problems in algebra, crosses the line (and I mean crosses the line) when he gets mad and later doesn't understand why he was so angry but it was like a light switch and he stayed mad for a long time over something trivial, and if he taps his feet on the coffee table constantly while you are trying to watch a movie- but doesn't realize he's doing it, and if he gets depressed and sad for seemingly no reason, and if he is hilarious to listen to because he jumps subject to subject or has a "wild imagination", and if he just flat out interupts your conversations with other adults with no regard to them, and if he's bouncing off of the walls most of the time, and if he can't sit still for 5 minutes in class or church or whatever...
Then yea.
Try the medication for a month. No one can force him on it. The first 2-4 days are absolutely dreadful, but his body will have to adjust. Start them on a Saturday morning so that he can relax. Start on the lowest dose. Give him a chance. I started Focaline about 4 months ago and the first 3 days were absolutely horrible. Now I don't leave home without it.
Just my 2 cents- ;-)
Then yea.
Try the medication for a month. No one can force him on it. The first 2-4 days are absolutely dreadful, but his body will have to adjust. Start them on a Saturday morning so that he can relax. Start on the lowest dose. Give him a chance. I started Focaline about 4 months ago and the first 3 days were absolutely horrible. Now I don't leave home without it.
Just my 2 cents- ;-)
While I am not at the point where meds are an option, that's not to say I will never consider it.
There are too many studies and trials being done for my liking. They don't really know if a child truly has a disorder or the long-term effects of the drugs on children--from what I've read, the brain is so complex and very little understood.
It's such a struggle because the diagnosis of disorders relating to the brain is subjective--there isn't a conclusive test that can determine disorders. You may go to three psychiatrists and get three different diagnoses and be given three different combinations of pills. That's too inconclusive for me.
People are trying to come up with concrete tests, but none are verified in any way (as far as I know). Scans that show blood flow in the brain and people attempting to correlate diffent blood flow with various disorders is a popular thing, now, but that is not verified. And treatment is unpredictable--you can't expect consistent results across the board because the brain is so complex. People react differently, different side-effects manifest, and sometimes the side-effects are treated with other medications. So it's not like getting a blood test and being told you have an infection and being prescribed specific antibiotics for the specific bacteria causing the infection. It's just not a "science" with which I am comfortable--too much guessing and uncertainty involved for my liking. But I know everyone is different and you have to do what you believe is right for you. And I may change my mind at some point. I'm just not there now.
It sounds like you are doing all you can for your daughter. I hope you can figure out what is going on with her.
There are too many studies and trials being done for my liking. They don't really know if a child truly has a disorder or the long-term effects of the drugs on children--from what I've read, the brain is so complex and very little understood.
It's such a struggle because the diagnosis of disorders relating to the brain is subjective--there isn't a conclusive test that can determine disorders. You may go to three psychiatrists and get three different diagnoses and be given three different combinations of pills. That's too inconclusive for me.
People are trying to come up with concrete tests, but none are verified in any way (as far as I know). Scans that show blood flow in the brain and people attempting to correlate diffent blood flow with various disorders is a popular thing, now, but that is not verified. And treatment is unpredictable--you can't expect consistent results across the board because the brain is so complex. People react differently, different side-effects manifest, and sometimes the side-effects are treated with other medications. So it's not like getting a blood test and being told you have an infection and being prescribed specific antibiotics for the specific bacteria causing the infection. It's just not a "science" with which I am comfortable--too much guessing and uncertainty involved for my liking. But I know everyone is different and you have to do what you believe is right for you. And I may change my mind at some point. I'm just not there now.
It sounds like you are doing all you can for your daughter. I hope you can figure out what is going on with her.
I am still trying hard to find out what exactly is wrong about my 8 year old but over the years we have had to deal with some very challenging behaviour including meltdowns 3 hours long, she is currently being assessed again as we all agree that her sensory issues and anxiety are a mear symptom of something else going on but as yet we have not pin pointed it.
I used to agree with your comments on medication, my daughter has never taken anything, we have been offerred several times but have always said if we are coping then we would prefer not to have her on anything.
Well last term she became depressed her worsed depression yet hence why she is back being assessed and during this time I suddenly realised that its not us coping that matters its actually her and if she is not coping then perhaps we should consider it, my daughter became so overwhelmed we her problems that she sufferred from very low self esteem and actually wanted to die, the first time she said this was when she was 5, now 8 and I have decided that we will be open to suggestions on medication if it comes to it, you too could be open to discussing it and perhaps now your son is 12 actually including him in the process, medications can give them bad side effects and I think you have to way up the benefits but he is old enough to have a part in his own treatment. Does he see a therapist? this may help him overcome his anxiety about joining teen groups, exclusion will only add to his problems and the longer he leaves it the harder it will become.
If you are interested I have posted my daughters full problems / symptoms on the bipolar forum " does my 8 year old have bipolar "
Anyway what ever you decide it is your decision and not your friends, you and your son have to live it and no one else can understand how hard this is until you have lived it.. Good Luck
I used to agree with your comments on medication, my daughter has never taken anything, we have been offerred several times but have always said if we are coping then we would prefer not to have her on anything.
Well last term she became depressed her worsed depression yet hence why she is back being assessed and during this time I suddenly realised that its not us coping that matters its actually her and if she is not coping then perhaps we should consider it, my daughter became so overwhelmed we her problems that she sufferred from very low self esteem and actually wanted to die, the first time she said this was when she was 5, now 8 and I have decided that we will be open to suggestions on medication if it comes to it, you too could be open to discussing it and perhaps now your son is 12 actually including him in the process, medications can give them bad side effects and I think you have to way up the benefits but he is old enough to have a part in his own treatment. Does he see a therapist? this may help him overcome his anxiety about joining teen groups, exclusion will only add to his problems and the longer he leaves it the harder it will become.
If you are interested I have posted my daughters full problems / symptoms on the bipolar forum " does my 8 year old have bipolar "
Anyway what ever you decide it is your decision and not your friends, you and your son have to live it and no one else can understand how hard this is until you have lived it.. Good Luck
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