Abuse by Mother

[gl8612]

My Mother has already treated me very badly.She has put me down all of my life. I was never good enough,always would make fun of me,& told me that I was never her daughter.

I have never given my mother any problems. Never have done any drugs,drinking,been in jail,etc. But she always would tell people that there was something wrong with me. She would drag me to doctors & tell them that there was something was wrong with me & that I needed pills. She would make up stories to tell my teachers when I was in school that I was causing problems at home,& something needed to be done to me,also make up stories to our neighbors,people she worked with that I was a problem child.  My mother would also run to my Uncle with every little thing,& I would basically get the hell beat out of me for no reason at all.

My mother still continues the emotional& verbal abuse to this day. I am a grown woman & married. She is still causing problems for me to this day.She has borrowed money in my name without permission,wanting pawn all of my possessions for money to bail her out of the jams she gets herself into. My mother still runs to my Uncle with every little thing to turn him against me.

I also have a brother whom my mother treated him so much better than me. In her eyes,he does no wrong. She tells me that "your brother never gave me any problems- You were always the problem." My brother never comes around me either.

My mother hates me for some reason,I don't know why. I have asked her,but she will not tell me why. My Mother had a very difficult relationship with my grandmother,& I have often asked myself if this is why she treats me like this.

I was taken to the ER 2 times several moths ago with ear problems. I nearly lost the hearing in my ears,& my mother proceeded to cuss me out basically telling me that I was a pain,& that she has been having chest pains because of me,& some very other nasty things.

When ever I would get sick -she would cuss me out, or after we would have an argument,she would tell me that I was going to be the one that kills her.

We argued again this past weekend.and too,she always has to have the last word.

I know she is my mother,but I m so tired of this. I have had enough. How can I break free from this? I can't go on anymore.

[utoh]

Your brother is the golden child, your mother will never admit she is wrong and she has such low self esteem that she needs you to attack so she doesn't have to look at her own flaws. Mine was so vicious and malicious she demanded I don't attend my father's funeral, forget she exists, and threw me out of her house when my sister (her golden child) stole from her while they were both in the hospital, nothing I do is right, telling her and my sister how physically sick they made me fell on deaf ears, they are incapably empathy. I stopped all contact right after my father's funeral. Horrible things were being said and done to me and my family usually in  a gang up style. You are likely being lured into these situations it is your choice if you allow it. It is  painful to let your family go, it's your mother. I had to get past that and accept that it would only escalate. She gave birth to you, that doesn't give her the right to abuse you, and you owe her nothing. You don't deserve to be treated like that no matter who it is. It took some time but I focus on people who care about me and avoid the ones who abuse me. I am not as physically sick, I sleep well knowing I did what I could even if it wasn't appreciated (we tend to over try) they aren't worth our time or energy. Sounds harsh given it is your mother but she made the choice you didn't. A good start is knowing you are a good person no matter what anyone says. Nothing I said or did was going to change a thing, mine disowned my brother at 18, when he died at 56 she didn't even attend his funeral, didn't want to know his wife or her grandchildren and now she is doing it to my children to intentionally cause pain to me. That is just sick, it is her job to fix it not yours.

[teko]

Once you reach the ripe old age of 18, you are in more control of the situation. Simply let her know, no more and stick to it. If you are talking, or visiting and it gets to that point, simply cut the visit or talk short. Like a child, it wont be long before she figures out that it is in her best interest to behave.  Parents are simply children in adult bodies, thats how I look at it and still try to get by with what they can, when they can.

[Gennipher]

I can definitely relate to this. I've suffered bad emotional/mental abuse from my Mother for most of my life. Even now, at 27, she manages to make me have major anxiety attacks & extreme stress. What really upsets me is that she has never acknowledged she has done any wrong & whenever I tell her how I feel she freaks out & tells me it's all my fault. I'm the bad person & she is perfect.

I'm in counseling now to try & get over this so I can move on. As of last weekend I stopped all communication with my Mother cuz I cannot handle her **** any more. She was told ages ago that she was bi-polar but she never got any help. She chooses to blame everyone else for her issues (primarily me) & convinces herself she's perfect.

It's such a difficult situation cuz it's your Mother & it is not easy to completely dismiss her from your life. I know whenever I stop talking to her I feel an enormous amount of guilt, even though I've done nothing wrong.

Talking to my Mom has done no good but perhaps it will work in your situation. If not, I recommend getting some counseling to figure out how to get over the abuse & not let it bother you any more. I am not totally sure this is possible but I am hoping the counseling I am getting will bring me some kind of peace.

Good luck!

[jo929]

I agree with Marypops. also i think your mother is mentally ill, and needs to see a Dr, but a hearty dose of truth from you telling her how it will be, will do as much good as teatment for her at this stage. just speak right up you are grown and not a child anymore, and you do not have to go around her, unless you choose, just tell her to sit and listen to you for awhile and then leave all of the load behind   luck  jo  ps let us know if things get better, or worse we are still here for support

[margypops]

You can break free anytime you choose to, you are an adult you can speak to her.. tell her how you feel and say you are not going to take it any more ,if she wishes to see you and your Family she has to be kind and not use the Tactics you have mentioned in your post. Stand up for your self, be honest with her tell her how you feel and ask her Why, if you want a relationship with her this is what you have to do ..or sever the ties for a while so she knows you mean it. Tell your brother the same thing, you are an  adult, is in in your control who you let into your life you do not have to have abuse. Good Luck