Abusive father

[capricorned]

hey everyone, it's not a question, just wanna tell my tale and ask for opinions, i apologize in advance that my story is a little long, here it goes:
well, i'm 18 and studying to enter med-school, and i have an addicted father, abusive, emotionally and verbally (and probably physically too if his body wasn't a carnival of drugs). the addiction, isn't something new, as far as i know he started smoking opium regularly when he was a couple of years younger than me; but has increased dramatically in the past 8-9 years. i think it's a good time to mention that i'm *not straight*, not openly, but with pretty much no sexual activity at all, because i believe it's not right, anyways, the thing is, i had been caught, more than once, in fact several times but without anyone bringing it up (i mean explicit web-pages and media files). well, the start of all the legendary drama was about 7 years ago (i was probably in 6th grade or so) , with his mothers senility causing her lots of problems and her constant need of her son's attention(we lived in the same building), eventually she got worse and worse, and he would bring home nurses for her (at this time, the drugs which he was addicted to were opium, heroin/cocaine *dunno which, the white powder which is inhaled through the nose* and the new development was crack) and it came to a point that my grandmother had some internal bleeding due to blood thinners which made her death a matter of time, at this point, he would spend several nights at her house, not coming home and obsessing which obviously leads to the tendency to more drug use(some abuse had happened in this period as well, but their extent is nothing compared to what comes next). then her death came, he mourned, and so did i, and he wallowed, not having any father-son interaction with me whatsoever, except for paying my school's tuition and financial stuff, u could say he was more like a financial supporter than a father, anyways, my mother just didn't want to settle for such a low life (as far as i can conclude), therefor several arguments took place, with him cursing my mother and her parents crucially, and i would stand by her defending her, not because i favored her but because it just wasn't right, her parents had done nothing to him, he had no right cursing them, i also went in his room and told him if you behave properly and be reasonable, i will have your back as well, but if you don't, i will stand up to you. then they got a divorce privately, and he rented one of the apartments in our building to a woman, with whom he then started a relationship. although they got divorced, he still lived in the same home with us, my mother and sister and I, making his room a fully-equipped arsenal of drugs and bringing inappropriate so called "friends" to share drugs, like 2-4 nights a week, still no quality time with me, father and son, but hey! i didn't mind, i just did my school, perfectly! and then he started to use WAY too much and the people he would hang out with (some other addicts in the family especially his niece) to get through to him and to his money, would make him aggressive toward us, repetitively, he would get so high that he couldn't speak properly, and one particular night, under the same conditions, he came from his girlfriend's place and started throwing stuff around and struggling to maintain his balance, sh*t-talking started, lots of it, and i just lost it then, he tried slapping me a couple of times, i resisted, he accused me of being a bad son and how could i have forgotten that when i was a kid he would take me to karate school and how do i dare to raise my hand to him, along all the trash-talk which was obvious that had been planted in his head by the same people who fueled the feud (the niece and the gf), and tried to hit my mom, telling her you dare team up with my children against me?, again tried to hit me, but this time i stroke back, told him you're just scum and easily pulled his hair and threw him on the floor, as i was crying, i told him it's all in your head, there are no teams and no one will ever love you like the three of us. after a couple of hours of sleep i felt like cr*p, tried talking to him again like nothing had happened, but he still was high and etc (this happened last year)...
up untill now, there were several other fights, one which during he made me cry again, and i told him this is the last time you will see my tears. another ugly one was when the trash-talk (he accused me of being responsible for my sister's act of committing illegitimate sex *which is frowned upon here*) he went in the garage to bring gasoline and "burn us", my mother locked the door and called the police and then he broke the extremely fragile wooden door and somehow that ended too. note that i still have feelings for him because when i was a child he used to take me to amusement parks a lot and we would have a lot of fun along other fantastic memories, but i didn't have any more of them since the grandmother issue, i would hope that the same old father was somewhere in him. the following fights of last year weren't as ugly, but still, compared to daily husband & wife disagreements, this was like world war. yesterday morning, was my day off from school and i had an exam the day after, like MANY(a couple of dozen) other days, i woke up from the shouting and cursing, running to the kitchen, yelling "Comon!! What's Goin on!?!?!" and with his not-so-effective patronizing voice and look, told me to shut up or else, and i said u know? you just aren't parents, your job description is "to give heart attack". for a couple of hours he was gone, i managed to study, then he came back again and started another round, this time after lots of trash-talk (which the extent of their insult had become much higher than the ones before, an event i didn't expect) the fight got VERY physical with my mom, and she just wouldn't give up and hit him back, i just split them once or twice, being a bystander as i had been throughout the previous year's fights (because i had condemned myself of taking sides, even though i knew i hadn't, i was just trying to be righteous) and then somehow i threw myself in there, cuz there was no way i could take ANY MORE of this cr*p, so, as he was swearing that he would kill my mom by the end of the day, i said no one is gonna get killed, again, with a completely neutral tone, then he threatened me again, i got involved, disowned him as my father, and told him every single fact about his pathetic life and the money-leeches whom he considers allies, and to count the days till his body is found in the gutter; his final resort: calling me a fag during a conversational banter with my mom since the fight wasn't over, again told me: who took you to the amusement parks and who got you all those prizes? i said: "my boyfriends" since his last resort HAD, in fact, got to me, a LOT! and as i was going to the dentist, i told him: "try to overdose and die, ok?"

note that i didn't ask for much, just a peaceful environment to study this year to get into a university, and once in a while, some heart warming, more importantly: i did not start any fight whatsoever, he himself wouldn't let us have a healthy relationship, always hoping that he'll be a dad someday again, and i did everything that makes a parent proud and im a good person! i don't cause anyone trouble or misfortune, i play the piano, speak fluent english and a little french along our own language and another one, i also cook once in while, my reward is being called a fag?

I'm terribly sorry for the length of my "Question" but admit it, you will NOT, under any circumstance, find platinum drama like this anywhere on the globe! :)  anyways, i just wanted your opinions and your pointers, i'm probably damaged goods, maybe it will help someone else. (8000 character limit!)
                     Best Regards

[teko]

What a way for a child to live! Your parents need some serious help before they kill each other! Seriously!  Your dad is totally out of control and your mom, what is she doing to stop this madness? Your Dad is an addict and your mom needs to either make him get help or get him gone. For the sake of all of you! I agree that you should not be in the midst of all this, as someone is going to get hurt. Dads doing drugs and abusing mom, son hitting dad. This is insane and it is not going to end well. Leave if you can and if you cannot, try to find someone to help get this under control even if the police have to intervene. Wow! I feel so sorry for all of you!

[jo929]

I just got my computer back, and have read this, but had to read it again, how or why did no one try and get some help for your dad when he first started this horrible trip, and it will kill him you know, at your age i know that you have to depend on someone for a place ro stay, but i will have to repeat what Marypops said is there no other place you can stay, and if so is there money for your education, if there is such a way and money, i would say leave, i reall feel sorry for anyone that has had to go through this life withall od the things you have, and still want to make something of themselves, I believe that you will make it, if you want to, and i agree with marpops that a little counseling would helpl is there anyway to get your dad some help as far as being  not straight as you call it, that is your own private business, and no one elses, if you are gay why hide it, we are all Gods Chlildren I wish you lots of luck and hope to hear that you are still getting that much needed education   luck  jo

[margypops]

Yes we are ..needed to read it again, dont think that you are damaged goods,I see that you are coming up to the age of being able to leave this enviroment  and you are indeed allowed to put your story here thats why folks come to the forum , it is as you say yourself a platinum drama I feel that the writing it out can be for you enlightening and is a good thing , perhaps some counselling in the future will also help.As for a peaceful enviroment to study , is there no other family or friends you can stay with ,ignore the nasty remarks about being a 'fag' thats his problem not yours and totally inappropiate I think you know that,.My gut feeling is that if you have no alternative but to stay there you avid any confrontation ,in fact stay out of the way, do your studying in your own room and bide your time.Stay positive look ahead at your future it sounds like a peretty good one with your credentials, you rise above your past, you prove that you can be a success in spite of them....Good Luck let us know how you are doing,  

[allmymarbles]

You seem to be talking about your father's problems, not yours (although yours might require some attention). And in your handling of the problems you do not get an A+. In fact you are as wild with your words as your father is, yet you manage to take the high ground and see yourself as virtuous. You need to examine yourself more honestly.

And if you really can't stand the environment, get out. You are a grown person.

[capricorned]

comon! nobody's readin this?? :(