does anyone out there feel this way too?

[ellieishgirl]

she says im thoughless, careless, she says i have no heart and no future. she loves me, then hates me. she loves my dropout brother who keeps me up all night with loud music but seems to hate me. my birthday was yesterday and all she did was yell, today shes takeing away my stability, harry. she says he wont make enough money or be a good father so i shouldn't be with him, she says he doesnt like my brother so hes not welcome here. im so affraid she'll take away the only sheild i have left. shes already taken away apart of me, some times im to hurt to talk, i speake to harry in sign language so i dont stutter. i dont want simpathy, just someone to understand. to tell me how not to fall apart. i love my mother, but im looseing the part that loves me back.

[Angelinthemorning]

Do you have any relative or friend that will take you in till you graduate?? I know that's a ways off but, you really sound like you need to get out of that environment.  If you are getting reprecusions from telling people that's an issue.  Is there any physical abuse going on in the home?  You really need to get in to see your school's counselor.  You can see them during the day at school so, your mom should never know about it.  Unless, of course, the counselor feels it should be reported to CPS(child protective services).  

[ellieishgirl]

i have alot of people, but im not aloud to talk to any of them about it. She gets really mad about that. though i tell harry anyways, but now his family hates my mom, if she finds out... there are just so meny things that are to hard to explain. my brothers almost a worse issue rigt now though, hes sicotic, like litterally, how do i deal with them both at once, espessially when there teaming up agenst me all the time?

[margypops]

Angel is right you could use someone to talk to , have you any other relative ,Grandma or Aunty someone who would speak up for you, I am sure at school there could be a friend,fill your life with being busy, do some afterschool activities, sports are good , infact anything is good that you are interested in. Perhaps when she is yelling you can move away and go to your room or garden out with a friend to a park ,distance your self from it.  Tryt not to dwell on the behavior in your head, keep focused on other positive things in your life,is your Dad not in your life? as maybe speak to him .

[Angelinthemorning]

Hi, I'm sorry you're having a rough time.  It's very hard living with someone who is continually on an emotional roller coaster.  Is your mom getting any help? Have you tried talking to your school counselor?  Sometimes just having a shoulder to cry on can help.  I suffered from mental, physical, and sexual abuse growing up.  It's the hardest thing in the world to hold everything in.  My best suggestion would be to find someone to talk to.  Any counselor or maybe an older trusted adult.  Don't let her break you.  One day you'll be out of there and able to make your own life.  You are not thoughtless or heartless or any of those things she tells you.  I know after awhile it's hard not to believe that when someone's consitantly screaming that at you.  Trust me, it's not true.  
If the situation just gets too much for you to handle, you can call child protective services.

Hang in there, find someone to talk to.