It's great to hear from you and with good news. Thank God for birthday parties. I'm glad your son attended his brother's. He obviously misses them, and you. This is progress, no doubt. Hopefully what's in the air, is his freedom. If that happens, be ready to get him off to college where he can meet other kids, and male mentors. It would be the best place for him. Does he have access to a car, so that he can easily visit if he get's the chance?
Nighthawk is right...his " sperm donor " ( it's what he calls his biological dad ) never spent time with him...he denied his very existence. He left me for my best friend, and then only came back into his life at her insistence ( only because she had decided to tell her other children children about their older half brother )...where he stayed in his life for about a week before leaving again.
His step-dad ( my ex husband ) didn't know how to deal with kids. My oldest was 4 before my ex and I had children together.
My ex still didn't do much with him...esp after HIS biological son came on the scene.
So my eldest never bonded with any men. He was 12 before he started hanging out with other kids..and even then he was too shy to do the things they all did.
He claims he would like to get his grade 12 now ( as his younger brothers have theirs) and I would love to see him do that.
Perhaps that way he'll start to grow up.
Anyway, would LOVE to report that he actually came over for his youngest brother's birthday last week!
I was amazed and astonished. lol
We had a short, but pleasant visit before they left.
It made the other boys very happy to see him, even for that short amount of time.
I think they all had a good talk. Nothing was said to me, but I could feel something in the air. Hopefully the younger ones said the right things to him, and there will be changes made.
I'm still getting from this a lack of career direction and lack of male supports (that he would get in college, if he made a plan, and chose to open up and make many acquaintances). Still, to get him to the point of making this change, he may need therapeutic support, and if I were you I would lovingly show him the way. Good luck with this one.
Hello, first of all this made me very mad and i think that shes very stupid am sorry for the word. Your son is a big boy he knows what hes doing but am guessing he really loves her. Take him to see a psychologist for abusive relationships. Thank you and please get that girl out of your house grr
I have sons that are 23, 22, and 18 and they wouldn't put up with this out of fear of losing half of their video game collection.
I think there's something going on here that runs really, really deep. The girlfriend isn't the real issue - your son's willingness to live like this is the issue, imho.
It's also a concern to me that maybe you know a little too much about his day to day life with a girlfriend - some things should be private and not discussed with mom, in my opinion.
It sounds like you are blaming this girl for these issues, but in my opinion, this is hand-in-glove. They've found each other and they're pretty good match.
Thanks for all the comments!
My son always talks to me...even through the teen years. We were very open and talked about everything and anything.
All was good until 3 years ago when he started living with her.
They lived at her mom's house...along with her three little sisters.
At first things were good...but after a few months, ( I guess she was "comfortable" about showing her true colors at this point ) things went sideways.
She started to yell at him about his spending habits. She was allowed to buy 3 purses a month...THREE!! But he was not allowed to buy videos, games, etc.
She went out for breakfast, lunch and supper with her mom every single day...but he was expected to cook his own meals at home. She would check his bank account/credit card statements just to make sure that he wasn't eating somewhere else.
I would buy him gift cards for various places, so that she wouldn't know.
After awhile I gave up, bought him some groceries, and left it alone. His gf's mom would give the food to her other kids when they came to visit.
She had part time custody with her ex.
I can't think of anything ( except for the fact that my mom is a control freak...and it's made worse by, or because of, her OCD ) that would affect him now.
He doesn't really talk to my mom though...no one does.
He went through some bouts of depression as a teen...due mostly to a lack of vitamin D. He had a few very close friends growing up, but mostly stuck to himself.
His first encounter with a girl was on line. He was very fond of her, but she lived on the other side of the earth.
His first girlfriend, aside from the internet, turned out to be a lesbian. She was only using him to make some girl jealous and to throw her mom off.
I guess that might contribute to this.
The second girl used him as well. She was in love with their room mate...who she didn't know was gay.
This was also his first time living away from home...and in a big city. My kids were raised in a very small town.
The girl he is with now used him too. When they first got together it was because she was trying to make her ex jealous. Then she decided to keep my son because no one else was interested in her.
She told us this was the case.
As for the bed life? They rarely do anything. At first it was him complaining...now she's the one who wants it, and he refuses.
I know he'll get to a certain point, and he'll leave, and come running home. I'm prepared for this. I have spent the last week cleaning the basement.lol
It's trying to convince him to not go back again that will be the killer.
Right now he's terrified to leave because she has threatened him that she will take half of everything he owns...and when you're 25, your video/game collection is very important to you.
We've all told him to move when she's not home. Call and we'll come and get you. But the last time he tried that she knew...and stayed home.
I think she's forwarding his text messages to her phone. I know this can be done, and she does too.
Omg ur story sounds just like my cousin n his crazy psycho wife !!!! My whole family thinks she's guna kill my cousin n even when they tried to pull him away from her he's isolated himself from everybody even his own parents so please be careful how u approach the situation cus u don't wanna push him away for good ok
Your son obviously is getting something he wants out of this relationship or he would leave her (and eventually he may). Is it possible you are misreading the situation? Maybe it is he who wants to distance himself from his family. Is everyone's objection to his partner keeping him away?
What was your son like before he took up with her?
Wow that girl sounds like a freak and is loving the control over your son, also sounds like she enjoys drama which is what she is getting, just don't text or ring, don't do anything, you may not think it but your son may enjoy being in the middle of it all so just ignore
First of all, I'm so sorry that this type of selfishness is affecting your boy's relationships, and of course, your own. If it were me, I wouldn't stop taking my son's calls or texts. It sounds like he's aware of how unfair his situation is, and you can only hope that he comes to his senses, and when he does he's going to need you be there for him, and not be estranged. There's some reason that your son is allowing himself to be put in this position, some problem with his ability to be assertive, and not passive, while his gf takes the role of dominance, and aggressive behavior. If you can some how figure out any reasons from his childhood that has contributed to his passivity, well, the problem is half solved, imo. So, when your son came home for that month, he really should have been directed to a therapist to figure out why he's accepting this abuse, and how to control his life enough that it doesn't happen again. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I think that there will come a time when he will again, look to you for support, and when he does I think you should be prepared to help him make concrete changes in his expectation of the women in his life. Don't worry Mom, you'll have another chance to get through to him, but you have to be well versed and well prepared to take action. Obviously, he needs to find a job where he is not controlled and watched. He needs to become assertive enough to do that, and the next time he reaches out, help him to see, that even if he does go back, he should at least have an ultimatum of his own expectations and boundaries. I would be looking for a family therapist, that i would go talk to and figure out what my part was in his lack of assertiveness. Maybe you did too much for him growing up? Maybe you made choices for him, when you should have given him a choice? Maybe you were too busy with your younger children to have supported him in finding a college or career of his choice. In this day and age, a young man should have a passion to follow. Without it, life is bleak and may allow unscrupulous friends and lovers to figure too prominently. I can identify my son's weaknesses' to his upbringing. It might help him a great deal to know that you're willing to help him deal with his lack of assertiveness and goal planning. He needs to make a plan to have his family of origin in his life, make his own career goals, McDonald's is not going to make him happy (I doubt) in the long run and he needs someone to be able to talk with him about the big picture. Where does he want to be in 5 years? What are his short and long term goals? Whatever you do, don't walk away from him and make it any easier for this little tramp to destroy any more of what little sense of self he has (your family). Mom, when the going get's tough, the tough get going. Never stop letting your son know that he's missed, and expected to be a living part of your family. You're in my thoughts and prayers, and if you ever need to talk, i'm here. I have a son that's 24. I know how much you love him. My heart goes out to you. xo Liz
um hm. I've seen it a couple times where everyone goes why does he put UP with that woman? And then oh that's why. ;D
I can think of one case where that is glaringly true.
Ashley, that's not rude, that's reality. That's why lots of young men stay in relationships with complete loser young women.
Rock rose you are very rude!!!!
Sex with her must be out of this world.
Your son is a wiling victim, if we can call it that. Perhaps if she did not bully him, someone else would. Has this always been a trait of his?
Your son is an adult and he makes his own choices. I'm sorry, all you can do is ask him to make a different choice when he feels like it and say you'll be there for him if he does.