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Blocked Memories
For several years as a child I was molested, not raped. I can remember only very little about it. Although it happened from 1st grade to about 7th grade. I also noticed that sometimes I have problems with short term memory. I am wondering if the two can be related. Is it possible my brain warped itself in order to cope thus creating a learning/memory problem?
Hi, ShyGoose, I had the same scenario pretty much. My dad was one of my main abusers. He did not come to CHRIST until he months before he passed away. For me, going to see him was both an answered prayer (I'd been believing for his salvation since age 13 when I came to JESUS.) ...as well as the beginning of a flood of flashbacks, mood swings, dissociative episodes/lost time (I am multiple), new abuse memories, etc.
And you know? ...it's okay that you need healing from the abuse, even though your dad has accepted CHRIST and is going to church. The LORD wouldn't want to leave out your healing ...forgiveness and restoration are two separate things ...as is healing - a separate thing. If you are open to Christian trained prayer counseling ..you can find someone in your area through a site for Theophostic Prayer Ministry:
http://tpassociation.com
I'd say, give it time ...pray for him, and ask the LORD to fill you with His grace. Just be open to the possibility of healing for your wounded heart, as well as restoration ...and the rest is up to GOD.
Hope this helps!
And you know? ...it's okay that you need healing from the abuse, even though your dad has accepted CHRIST and is going to church. The LORD wouldn't want to leave out your healing ...forgiveness and restoration are two separate things ...as is healing - a separate thing. If you are open to Christian trained prayer counseling ..you can find someone in your area through a site for Theophostic Prayer Ministry:
http://tpassociation.com
I'd say, give it time ...pray for him, and ask the LORD to fill you with His grace. Just be open to the possibility of healing for your wounded heart, as well as restoration ...and the rest is up to GOD.
Hope this helps!
I am really glad you asked this question. I have been wondering the same thing.
Also, does anyone have any good advice on how to cope with a dad who is trying to turn himself around? I mean I was physically and verbally abused by him all my childhood (until I ranaway and the cops let me stay away from him.) Now my dad is different. He's going to church, got a new wife and a nicew stepson that he treats very well. But I NEVER feel comfortable with him? I want to move past all that bad feeling and be happy, but I get scared every time I'm around him. Even little things like walking infront of the tv while he is watching it puts me on edge. I love my dad and I am proud oif his changes, but I can't seem to make myself feel comfortable around him at all.
Also, does anyone have any good advice on how to cope with a dad who is trying to turn himself around? I mean I was physically and verbally abused by him all my childhood (until I ranaway and the cops let me stay away from him.) Now my dad is different. He's going to church, got a new wife and a nicew stepson that he treats very well. But I NEVER feel comfortable with him? I want to move past all that bad feeling and be happy, but I get scared every time I'm around him. Even little things like walking infront of the tv while he is watching it puts me on edge. I love my dad and I am proud oif his changes, but I can't seem to make myself feel comfortable around him at all.
oh my goodness I have wondered the exact same thing. Sometimes I would feel like an airhead because of my bad memory.
No I am not getting married anytime soon.
I am in a new relationship and I was just wondering if I should tell him at all and what point in time.
I can recall a lot from my childhood just not much of the abuse. I feel that I have a pretty good memory if I really absorb a conversation (process it in my long term memory) however, I feel that my short term memory might be affected and I was wondering if repressing memories as a child might have affected the way my brain developed.
I am in a new relationship and I was just wondering if I should tell him at all and what point in time.
I can recall a lot from my childhood just not much of the abuse. I feel that I have a pretty good memory if I really absorb a conversation (process it in my long term memory) however, I feel that my short term memory might be affected and I was wondering if repressing memories as a child might have affected the way my brain developed.
Those are very valid questions. I will try to answer them as best as i can. First let me me say that i am sorry that you were hurt that way. It is also good that you are looking forward to the future and getting past the abuse.
It is normal for sexual abuse survivors to have what is called lapsed memory. It is when you forget sometimes the entire abuse for quite sometime. Some times the memory will come back if it is triggered by a source such as a tough, smell etc. Abuse victims often times disassociate themselves from the experience and if the abuse happen in childhood, it is often that because of the stress its puts on the child's body and mind, the child unconsciously tucks the memory away where it cannot affect his present reality. The experience then becomes a blur or nonexistent.
It is a defense mechanism the body develops over time to cope with overwhelming stress. Sometimes this mechanism can become disorganized and in your adult life you might find that you begin to loos bouts of time. You forget faces and conversations, where you puts things etc. This happens when the person becomes stressed on perceive some form of pressure being placed on him/herself.
It could also mean the onset of memories being retrieved, but the mind is fighting the impulse to remember. It is not Alzheimers and it is pretty common.
I have been affected by this same problem also so i know what you describe. I cant remember most of my abuse and childhood even to this day.
Yes it could be a sign that you haven't deal with the abuse. However, i suggest that you do not take that road until you are convinced that this is the right way to go. I suggest that you speak with a therapist about what you have written here and see where to take it from there.
It is also a fact that many abuse victims do to begin to feel the full blown effect of the abuse until they are in a relationship they perceive to be " real" and "safe". Are you by any chance planning on getting married soon???
Yes I think that it is very necessary to tell your partner about your abuse.
As i suggested before, i know you do not desire therapy, but it is important that you find out why you are loosing moments of your memory and why this is happening.
I didn't realize that i was loosing my memories until a few years back ( after i got married). It was then i realized that i had little or no memory at all o f my childhood. It was quite frightening because all along i though i was just fine.
I was never promiscuous either.
Note that i am not saying that you cant or isnt just fine. I just suggest that you become informed about the possibilities of what might or might not happen ( kind of a precaution). It would also help you to understand better the nature of your situation.
Hope this helped somewhat.
It is normal for sexual abuse survivors to have what is called lapsed memory. It is when you forget sometimes the entire abuse for quite sometime. Some times the memory will come back if it is triggered by a source such as a tough, smell etc. Abuse victims often times disassociate themselves from the experience and if the abuse happen in childhood, it is often that because of the stress its puts on the child's body and mind, the child unconsciously tucks the memory away where it cannot affect his present reality. The experience then becomes a blur or nonexistent.
It is a defense mechanism the body develops over time to cope with overwhelming stress. Sometimes this mechanism can become disorganized and in your adult life you might find that you begin to loos bouts of time. You forget faces and conversations, where you puts things etc. This happens when the person becomes stressed on perceive some form of pressure being placed on him/herself.
It could also mean the onset of memories being retrieved, but the mind is fighting the impulse to remember. It is not Alzheimers and it is pretty common.
I have been affected by this same problem also so i know what you describe. I cant remember most of my abuse and childhood even to this day.
Yes it could be a sign that you haven't deal with the abuse. However, i suggest that you do not take that road until you are convinced that this is the right way to go. I suggest that you speak with a therapist about what you have written here and see where to take it from there.
It is also a fact that many abuse victims do to begin to feel the full blown effect of the abuse until they are in a relationship they perceive to be " real" and "safe". Are you by any chance planning on getting married soon???
Yes I think that it is very necessary to tell your partner about your abuse.
As i suggested before, i know you do not desire therapy, but it is important that you find out why you are loosing moments of your memory and why this is happening.
I didn't realize that i was loosing my memories until a few years back ( after i got married). It was then i realized that i had little or no memory at all o f my childhood. It was quite frightening because all along i though i was just fine.
I was never promiscuous either.
Note that i am not saying that you cant or isnt just fine. I just suggest that you become informed about the possibilities of what might or might not happen ( kind of a precaution). It would also help you to understand better the nature of your situation.
Hope this helped somewhat.
I am not on any medications. I feel that I have delt witht the trauma even though I can not remember most of it. Is that a sign that I have not dealt with it? I have had successful romantic relationships and I currently have several strong and healthy friendships. My number of sexual partners has been healthy and I don't believe I have any trust issues. I felt that life has a way of working things out and that you get back what you put out into the world. I have remained positive and I give back and I have had good fortune and health in my lfie. The person who mistreated me got his karma return from the universe.
I was just wondering what the termanolgy would be called for the change in brain activity/ processing ability? Since it was on-going for such a long period of time should I have a cat scan? Could this increase my chances of Alztimer's disease?
I attempted counseling but I was discouraged because I did not have a goal. I didn't know what the point would be. I am not angry, depressed, jaded, sexually permiscuious, etc. So I really didn't want to spend an hour dwelling on something negative and very personal. What are your thoughts on this?
Also, I have told past partners about my childhood. Is this necessary to have a healthy relationship with someone? Or can I leave it out if the topic never comes up? I would never lie about it but I'm not sure if you are supposed to share this with every boyfriend. And at what point in a relationship should you share this?
I was just wondering what the termanolgy would be called for the change in brain activity/ processing ability? Since it was on-going for such a long period of time should I have a cat scan? Could this increase my chances of Alztimer's disease?
I attempted counseling but I was discouraged because I did not have a goal. I didn't know what the point would be. I am not angry, depressed, jaded, sexually permiscuious, etc. So I really didn't want to spend an hour dwelling on something negative and very personal. What are your thoughts on this?
Also, I have told past partners about my childhood. Is this necessary to have a healthy relationship with someone? Or can I leave it out if the topic never comes up? I would never lie about it but I'm not sure if you are supposed to share this with every boyfriend. And at what point in a relationship should you share this?
It is possible anything is possible after trauma, I have always felt it is good to be able to speak out your feelings about this , have you access to any counselling/therapy., Are you on any meds as sometimes they can also have side effects and cause short term memory loss which returns when Meds are discontinued, should you ever want to you can put down your feelings and get input from members ,the journal is good for that , it is sometimes helpful to get help from others who have been through similar. good Luck let us know how you are doing.
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