Closet gay

[tomcaro]

This is a strange situation, but that is why I am finally asking for advice here.   My sister in law is married to a closet gay man.  My wife and I have accidentally come across knowledge of his activities.  They have a 4 year old son who has totally bonded with my wife and I.

My sister in law is totally unaware of his activities, but we suspect now that her husband is worried we know something, and has cut off all contact with us, and other members of the family.  We don't suspect any physical violence at this point.

He is a major manipulator and a pathological liar, we have known this for years.  My question:  Do we show my sister in law the evidence and risk him manipulating her further into estrangement....or sit back and wait and mind our own business and just deal with this deteriorating situation?

[jo929]

You are in a situation where you are danged if you do and danged if you do not, sometimes the bearer of bad news gets hurt you will have to weigh the pros and cons and decide, how will she take this coming from me or us, is there another way for her to find out maybe by accident or being somewhere where he is doing something? you say this is your sister in law, well if her and her sister are on good terms, and you have the proof, it might be wise to get her away from the house and try and talk with her, but you will have to have proof, i hope this will turn out well for all   but this must be you and your wifes decision  luck to all  jo

[margypops]

I agree with jo, whatever you do or dont do it will be hard, if you absolutly know this to be true and not gossip it may be a good thing for her to know ..however this has to be your decision and just make that call and stick it out, tough one ..let us know what you decide .Good Luck

[allmymarbles]

Sit back and mind your own business. Many gay men are married and have children. There was such a case in my own family (a cousin). He was a good father and a responsible husband. It turned out that his wife knew all about it. Ultimately she took a lover and all three lived in the house with the children. I give them credit. If you rile up your sister-in-law she may feel obligated to divorce her husband. Is that what you want? Is that good for the kids? Is it good for your sister-in-law? And isn't it possible that she knows about his homosexuality and isn't sharing the information with you?

[allmymarbles]

And, by the way, where is the abuse? Is every marriage that does not suit your standards abusive?

[oopsieboo]

allmymarbles if you read things proper you'll see that tomcaro said  "He is a major manipulator and a pathological liar, we have known this for years"

i don't think the issue is his sexuality. i have a couple of gay friends and they aspire to have children, they want to adopt and the adoption agency have to ask questions and do personality tests compatability tests.

the issue is this man manipulates people and lies all the time what kind of example does that set for the child?
tomcaro if you know your sister in law well enough to tell her that her husbuand is a closet gay. maybe that wont be a problem because many gay men ar eperfect husbands and fathers. but if this man is gonna unawarelly teach his child these traits it may affect everyone. the child the mother you and your wife, the child friends as he is growing up.

i'm only 19 so you can ignore my advice if your don't think it helps.
good luck
~X~

[allmymarbles]

If your definition of abuse is an unpleasant personality trait, then we are all abusers. I think you need to make a trip to the dictionary.

[jo929]

Alleymarbles has a point, with the abuse, and also the sister in law may already know, i never thought of that i hope all goes well  jo

[rafe44]

I would not say a word about it unless he was a abusive person. But i understand your concern. But for the child's sake, maybe you ad your wife should try ,again, if be the case to develop a better relationship with him. And if he's an ***, maybe his wife will recognize that something is wrong. But like allmymarbles said, she may all ready know.