Does your husband go to 711 each time he needs to use the facilities? Because that would only be fair if he's asking you to do it.
You should feel comfortable in your own home and be able to use the facilities. Did you use the facilities at his place when you dated? If so, what's different now? Can you use one bathroom and he use the other(if you have 2) if it's such an issue?
What he's asking is not at all normal or fair. It seems like he's trying to test you to see how much control he can have over you. You may want to set boundaries with him so that he doesn't push you into doing things that don't feel right to you.
Hi,
First of all let me assure you this is NOT normal. Does he use the 7 eleven for himself? let's assume you are unwell or have a baby, will u be expected to walk down the street to even pee?
I'm sorry but this sounds like a psychological iussue to me. Also could be about control, but i'm not sure about it.
The only normal thing is for you to be ABLE TO USE anything in your house the way u want to or be made to feel comfortable.
Divorce/annulment etc are unpleasant and everybody wants to avoid it, but to live a life with such conditions may perhaps be more unimaginable. I wish u all the best.
Sometimes someone says something so bizarre you will never forget it. I honestly don't think I'll ever forget this post, IrmaJean.
It's time to cut your losses and file for divorce or annulment. When people ask "what happened - why are you divorcing?" and you say he told me I couldn't ever use our bathrooms in our house, no one - NO ONE - will blame you for getting out.
God knows what other very, very bizarre requests this man will make.
And I do have to ask - how long did you date? Did you ever meet any of his friends or family?
IrmaJean, it's time to leave. Before you get too entrenched. I strongly sense you won't do that, and you're just trying to make this work out, despite this man's disabling beliefs.
I don't now what a "dilly quirk" is, that his mom states he has. His mom is completely enabling him, and he's a loser of a husband.
But again, I strongly sense you won't take the advise you're given here, and leave his crazy guy. God only knows how he will react when you are pregnant and have those issues to deal with.
And I have to say, if my fiance said I'm not allowed to do his laundry when we got married, I'd have SERIOUS reservations about that man. Sweety, you've married a man who is mentally ill. And somehow, you missed it for the year you were dating.
Sorry, it occurred to me that you meant to type "silly quirk".
Well, how about you tell your husband's mother to use the bathroom somewhere outside her own house for a week and then decide how "silly" this quirk is.
First off...im a guy, and I want you to know that what your husband said SCARES me! As another responder said, it's a statement that I will remember the rest of my life. I'm glad you are getting out! If he REALLY cared about you, he would treat you as the wonderful woman you are! He would cherish you! AND SOMEONE WHO LOVES AND CHERISHES THEIR WIFE DORS NOT MAKE DEMANDS LIKE THAT! Every husband and wife has the right to have reasonable expectations of eachother, such as fidelity, putting each other first, putting family first, who's going to work or stay home with children if you can afford to live on one income, etc. He already told you he would leave you, so he obviously does not care much about you! BUT THIS MAN IS NOT NORMAL! THATS NOT A QUIRK! THAT IS A MENTAL DISEASE! ONE HE MOST LIKELY KNEW HE HAD AND HE HID IT FROM YOU! That means he manipulated you! He will not change, and would manipuIate you again!
I myself have issues, and it's called Adult ADD, and mild Tourette's. I know what they are, and so does my wife. She loves me and tolerates, and sometimes tries to "fix" me lol, but what she honestly does, is she borrows books from the library, and subscribes to articles online for spouses living with someone with a particular disorder, to help her understand what I'm going thru, and what to expect out of me.
DO NOT get scared or feel sorry for him...you don't want to end up stuck with someone like that.
Next time, Look for someone with higher aspirations and goals, that's not miserable working in a job they hate. If you are religious and attend church regularly, which it sounds like you do, look for someone that's into religion as much as you are. I too married young and too soon the first time, and I believe it was probably more the excitement of a new life outside of my parents house and rules. Get your own apartment and live on your own, or with some girlfriends, go to school, enjoy being young and single...or...live at home with your parents for a while, save money, enjoy this time with them, it's a different relationship now, because you've been out there already. Don't rush into ANYTHING! When you do meet someone, as you form a relationship with them, you'll start to know if he's the right one... when you think about him and he thinks about you when your not together, and when he puts you first, and you him...when you want to live for the other person, and they you...when you just want to make each other happy, and see them laugh or smile. When he's TRULY interested in how your day was, and you are TRULY interested in how his was, no matter how boring it may have been, and your just hoping he had an exciting work day...and he you. When no matter how bad the fight is, and no matter how hard you slam the door, and how far away you drive in the heat of the argument, and even though you are soooo mad, you still want to drive back or at least call to make sure he's okay...and he you! Together is good, sometimes space is good, but when you truly love someone, you still think about them and wonder how much they're hurting, even if they are to blame. That's LOVE! It will come, whether it's the guy you never expected at church or work, or the 30 th guy you try on a dating website, if your open to giving people a chance, and don't be afraid of getting hurt again, but don't let yourself either...no-one owns you! Anyways, this rambling crazy guy with issues that you don't know, that's giving you all this crazy advice, wishes you all the best. And I leave you with a suggestion. Be accountable to someone! Whether it's you pArents, friend, whoever. Tell them you are doing this! That you are getting an annulment, and moving out. Then tell them you'll give them daily updates, and do it. It will help keep you on track, so you don't backslide and end up staying married to him. I wish you the best of luck!
Why would you think that he loves you asking such an insane thing of you? Oh and for his mom she knows exactly what her son is all about sick!!! Run do not walk Run from both these horrible sick I can't even call them people I don't know what to call them but I do know if you don't leave in a big hurry n never look back your life will be ruined forever. Oh and btw he was looking for the worst way that he could think of to disrespect you and treduce you as a human being you know like a dog that has to go outside to relieve himself. If u accept that kind of horrific treatment then you are accepting to wear the leash also cause after all you would be enabling him to treat you like an animal. I can't help thinking that if you didn't run as soon as he gave you those orders where have you been doing your business??
Run! dont just walk away from this relationship! This is no way to live and it will only get worse.. There are worse things in life than divorce and this is way up there!
How old are both of you? Did he have previous relationships?
Best of luck!
I am hoping you have already left this situation. What you have described is the beginning of a controlling and abusive situation. He probably hid these tendencies from you until after your wedding. This first demand may be to test the waters to see how compliant you are. Don't try to reason with him about it, just leave before it gets to a point where you feel you can't. He most likely has a personality disorder.
I believe that your husband hid his controlling personality from you before you were married, and this 7/11 rule is the first of many, a test to see if you'll comply. This will surely lead to many more controlling rules. I strongly urge you to seek annulment as you have said, and look for a new joyful life instead of this. It sounds like you have the support of your pastor and his wife, which is wonderful - support is necessary and it will help you. You deserve to be treated fairly and kindly. I wish you good luck!
He is a **** get out before the other abuse starts!!!Run that is not a loving husband.
Hi IrmaJean. Run and dont look back! You must leave this nutcase now before you chicken out. Be thankful you have found this out before you were another sad statistic. This man is not just a nutcase - he is seriously mentally ill and you do NOT want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder. Theres no love here! Go girl, you can do it. Just make sure you keep in touch with your pastor and his wife. And most importantly, dont blame yourself - ever - for making this mistake! I will be praying for you.
Uhm....where does he go to do his duty???? I'd tell him to pack his bags and do it quickly or else I might just leave a little present in them for him!!!
Hi, I just wanted to see if you were still doing alright. Your "husband" sounds like he has a few screws loose, and it also sounds to me like he is definitely playing some sort of control game with you. The fact he is willing to "consider" building you a bathroom after TELLING you not to use the one in your own home is a slap in your face as his wife. Did y'all not absorb or listen to any of the wedding vows? He is already not acting as he should, either religiously or morally (and I am not a religious person). And the fact he cannot get over a silly hang up like that, or to assume you are as dirty as the filth that leave messy bathrooms, is just plain unfair to you.
It also sounds like he was raised in a way to look down on women, since his own mother was making the excuse that you should more or less deal with it. Because if that is indeed the case... Should he not just "deal" with the fact you are going to use your own bathroom in your own home?
You are a strong woman, and nobody, I mean NOBODY can ever tell you what to do, when to do it, or how it should be done.
This is unbelievable, and totally not normal. You have got to leave this man. Religion has got to take a backseat to your well being. This man is sick. If you are afraid your friends and family will not like your decision to leave this man tell them what he is asking and doing to you. I guarantee they will understand then. Please do not stay with this man.
hi honey..sorry to hear about what you are experiencing. my opinion is that your husband may have some kind of mental health problem,,like o.c.d{which I have myself and have also made similar demands...it could be a fear of contamination you using the toilet to do these completley natural actions we all do it including your husband,and then him using the toiet after you and fearing he may become contaminated by using the same toilrt or breathing in your gas,, this is not normal behaviour by any manner of means and don't feed into his irrational behaviour by agreeing that it is,this will not help him or you,,stay strong and try and seek help
Please update us asap. Im really concerned about your safty. Id like to know if you were able to get away? Ill come get you if you need help..just please don't stay.
I would have pooped in the toilet in the usual way and let that package of craziness go right ahead and leave.
Are you all right and are you away yet? Worried.