Long past abuse

[Stephy1233]

I've been with this man for 3 years we have been though heck and back. When we first met every thing was great! After 3 months I got preg. As planned. Right away things went bad. The day we found out he didnt come home till 4am. He was drinking all the time and heavy. We still stayed togther and got a joint home big for our family. Thing got really bad. I never seenhim till 2am drunk an yelling at me. First time he didnt come home I went to the bar and he wouldnt leave. So I grab his phone and keys a walked out. He came after me and to make a long storie short he slammed my head into the car lots of times then grabbed his stuff and went into the bar. I moved out but shortly came back. Then at 6 month preg. We went to party and there he and this girl were hanging all over each other. ( he was cheating on me with her) so I went home crying when he came home he told me they have been messing around for a while and I slapped him. He then grabbed me up and tossed me on my back. I was in the hospital for 2day. I left him for good I thought. I gave birth to our son and we got back together. He still was out a lot but I wouldnt let him come to my place if he was drinking. Then the drinking stopped when our son was about 6 month. one month later he went to the bar. A fight broke out of me yelling at him telling him all the nasty thing he did when drinking and I didnt want it. I grabbed my son and went to leave. He took our  son out of my arms and grabbed me by my neck and slammed my head into a wall while holding our son. I was knocked out. I left him again. Didnt go back till our son was 1 and a half. He cryied every day to me how he loved me. So we got back togther. He has not hit me since. our son is now over 2 years old. I'm still scared. I love him but........... The past was soooo bad. Cheating abuse and fear...... I cant seem to move on. But now we have bought a house live togther again. We argue some times. I get scared. I just dont know. I really do love him but what if he does it again.

[imanaddict]

I know exactly how you feel. I was with a guy for 7 years that continually cheated and hit me, even while I was pregnant. We would split up and get back together ALL THE TIME. After about 100 times of doing that (literally) I finally said enough is enough and left him for good when I was 6 months pregnant and never looked back. He immediately starting exclusively dating a girl that he was cheating on me with. One of these days you will also have enough. If there is a history of abuse, you can pretty much guarantee it won't stop completely. It may lay dormant for a while and then come back. And now you have a child in the mix and your job as a mother is to protect him from any harm that can come his way. If you stay and he continues to abuse you, it will only teach your son that it's okay to abuse women. I hope for your sake and your child's that the abuse is over for good, but just be cautious and if he does hit you again, call the police and let them haul him off to jail. He will need to be taught a lesson and that is that it's not okay to abuse you or anyone else for that matter. I sincerely hope  all that is behind you but if it's not, please do what is best for you and your baby! I wish you nothing but the best!

[Nikki120]

Hi babe,
I am no expert but at times like this always think about it from your 2 year olds perspective!..Your husband might not physically abuse you anymore, but does he emotionally abuse you? Your lil guys sees that and even though he is not old enough to comprehend everything just know that things will only get worse if u let your husband abuse u emotionally here and there and physically every once in a while!
Second thing is, Like the person above me asked, if he has shown real progress in changing as in going to AA classes and ANger Management then I would say it would be safe to take him back little by little and working with him to show him he is not alone but if he hasnt made any real physical changed by acting upon things then this might be a cooling off period before he is at it again! .... Read about that in Psych ... I really dont know what its like to be in that position but seriously good luck to you!

Dont think you ever have to put up with any of it! You seem like a beautiful intelligent woman to me and just think to yourself about what you and your little boy deserve ...God Bless you and I hope it all works out for the best for all parties involved!

[heyjude1]

I cannot advise you what to do but I can tell you some information you may want to thing about.  
Did you husband go to Anger Management classes?
Is he attending AA meetings?
Are you attending Alanon?
It has been my experience that the hardest time for a man to hit a woman is the first time; it becomes easier after that.  
From what I am hearing, it sounds like after a break up he refrains for a few months and then goes back out....this is the reason he needs to be in AA.  He is not treating the illness, only covering up temporarily with a band-aid.  My thought is the cylce will continue until some type of intervention is done and he gets help at a rehab center (preferably) where he will rec. therapy, anger management classes and AA meetings.

You will need to do your part also by attending Alanon to not only undestand his illness but to learn how to cope.  One thing I must mention, when you go after him at the bar, don't you think a fight will pursue?  Why put yourself in danger no matter how angry you are.  It would probably be better to discuss when he is sober and you have calmed down a bit.  You already know he is capable of hurting you, don't give him any excuses.  Alanon will be essential if you plan to stay with him.

Personally, I think you have one major issue to consider and that would be your son.  Children with alcholic parent or parents suffer tremendously growing up.  Children should not witness a drunk stumbling in the house, never home because Dad i always at the bar, witnessing his parents arguing and definitely he sould never see his mother beat up.  You should read up on children of alcholics.  Most grow up really messed up as a result of the alcoholism and it takes years to get over if they ever get over what they grrew up in.  Many grow up to be abusive themselves from witnessing abuse.

I believe you need to get some therapy yourself.  The whole situation sounds major sick and unhealthy for you and your son.  If you leave and do not get some therapy there is a good chance you will end up in another abusive relationship.

Take care of that little boy, he should be your number 1 concen; he doesn't have a say in the situation he will grow up in.  If your husband and you are serious about having a healthy relationship that you don't have to walk on egg shells and feel afraid, both of you are going to have to put alot of effort in AA and therapy.  I wish you the best and hope you will seriously consider some of the advise I have given and the advise that others will bring to you.  God bless.