I spoke my heart, by why was it thrown back at me?

[albireostar]

So once again I'm back, nothing has changed except for a few things. After my talk to the school guidance counselor, she said the following, "Well, CPS can't help you. They won't respond to something like this." I was also told the same thing by my psychiatrist. So I talked with my friends mother and she said if anything happens that I need to call 911 first so that they can report it to CPS. Well last night, my father told me that he doesn't want me in his house. I was crying because he had said comments the night before and he started them up again. I finally got sick of him telling me how worthless I was so I walked out onto the front porch and sat there. He ran after me and ran down the drive way while I sat there. When said where I was to him he screamed at me. So I went to do what my friends mother had told me. I walked in and picked up the phone. He snacthed it out of my hands and said that the only person I would be calling is my mother to tell her that he doesn't want me. I called my mother and she said she can take me and my sister back on the 26th of December but my father said he doesn't want me for Christmas. So I'm stuck in a place that doesn't wan me and I can't go to my mom's for a while.

Now on to another part, my mother's old boyfriend, mentioned before I think in my last post, hit her. So she broke up with him and kicked him out. He kept calling her and standing outside of her apartment and finally she called the police and they took him to a mental hospital. He had been refusing to take his medication for a long time and that had an effect on everything. If I go back to live with my mom, the place where I want to be, the place where I'm loved, then I have to face the fact that I could put my life in danger. But even though I'm young I think it's worth the risk.

Until the time I can go home to my mom, I have no clue what to do. My father doesn't want me, but he still keeps me there. People have told me before that I should talk to him but that changed nothing, it only caused more yelling. I'm tired of the yelling, my father and step-mother drinking, and I'm tired of feeling worthless. My sister has bronchitis and the medication's not working. My half-brother had a fever for one day, and I know he's 2 so it's important, but the fever went down within an hour. I had a sore throat, I caouldn't swallow and barely breath, but I was told it didn't matter to them. So if I ever get hurt, or sick when I'm there, and it's been this way for a while, it's nothing.

I'm getting harassed on my bus and pretty much everything from last year is repeating. last year I got beat up, bullied, and to the point that I had to leave the classroom and have special transportation to and from school. But here everyone is like a group, you mess with one, everyone strikes back at you. I've tried to keep my mouth shut, but when I see someone getting picked on and they can't stop the person, I try to help. I've been in a pair of shoes that no one wants to be in, so I try to help people not have to. I'm one person and I can't do much, but I want to help people. The people have been making threats to hurt my family and my property.

So my question overall is, What do I do until then?

[margypops]

See the school counsellor again, especially about the bullying they cant say they cant do anything about that!!

[margypops]

You Endure, when life gets too much you take a step back and a big breath and you do nothing, you go about your everyday business, school and friends , and you keep out of your Dads way, you say nothing, you dont let your thoughts get you down we all know what over- thinking can do.I suggest you speak to someone for help at school you certainly tell if you or anyone is being bullied, if you would rather be with your Mom could that be worked out what does she say, as her boyfriend has gone how about you talk to her for some input whether it would be possible for you to be there,.You have to be strong and you have to take care of your self and you can always come back here to us. remember what I said take that step back and go qiet and see what happens.