I verymuchlike to bleed...

[Trustt]

I like to bleed. Plan and simple. I cut myself just to bleed, I dont know how, but I like to. I do not want to stop. Its not a problem but a need. I can go a month or even longer withouth it, but never longer than a year. Its lust, want, need. I dont know if this is normal, Ive been to scared to ask anyone if there are into it or like it. I have lost alot of people because of it. I just is so amazing! I love to feel the pain, I love to smear the blood on face and all over, and realistically I dont want to change. I cut all the way down my arm, over and over. To hide it, I wear hoddies.  The only thing I want to change is that I have to wear hoddies. I want to do it and never want to stop. Im not asking for addvice, I just want to know why I feel like I want it. I have lost so many girlfreinds because of it!I also think Im a sociopath. I fear that no one know the "real" me. I have been fake for so long I dont know what is what. I would just like to know what is what and why? and want to know if Im normal, if there are other people???
I also think its very sexy. I have never been able to find anyone that is cool about it and could use it sexually. I want to but never had the chance!!! Is it me? I need to know. The reason im not talking to a doctor or anything, is because if Im in front of someone, I fit to their needs! I read what they want, I can read a person and use it against them. I have never meant someone  that has been able to figure me out or know that Im lying. What am I and why do I feel this? Why the need to see my self bleed and smear it!! Im not scared or want to stop, like I said before,

Background: I have never drank. I smoke the doobie from time to time. I dont drink coffee, only water and real juice. Im not going to tell you the past or anything becuase then you would assume its my past. I want to know the real thing and why!!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read all this and if you reply thank you double fold for reading all this and replying!!

Devin

[margypops]

I agree with allmymarbles some professional help would be good for you it doesn't sound too healthy ..

[allmymarbles]

You need psychiatric help. I disagree about your getting in touch with those of similar habits. That makes what you are doing both comfortable and acceptable - and it is neither.

[overopiates]

Btw u said it doesnt matter if no1loves u and u r who u r.2things
This doesnt make u unlovable at all but this is who u r Its simply a part of what makes u you&theres a lot more to u than this one thing.Like I said it will b easier if u r honest so people can get to know THE REAL YOU.

[overopiates]

Well I think all of us would rather be cultured than white trash Trustt(but if anyone who reads this disagrees that would b hilarious ).Can I ask you a couple questions and be honest(please dont BS I would rather u not respond than lie).
1.Do u ever fantasize about hurting people and if so do you get sexually stimulated by that?
2.What about the blood do you enjoy?What I mean is how does doing this make u feel.
3.Do you tend to do this more when ur stressed,anxious,sad?
Im just TRYING to figure this situation more to try to help&others too.I totally agree w/u not wanting to be with someone who doesnt truelly knows the real u.I think we all feel that way.I cant speak for others but I have had relationships(a lot especially around your age)where I wasnt the real me&they didnt really know me at all.At times I felt like I was putting on an act for EVERYONE(including my mom who I have ALWAYS been super close to and my best friends for years.I realize now Its because I wasnt happy about who I was so I just pretended to be whoever that person wanted me to be.I am so happy now that I dont do that.You sound like your addicted to the cutting&bleeding.The whole process.The whole thing about u not wanting2ever stop,the constant pretending2b someone ur not2everyone,hiding what ur doing is classic addiction/addict behavior.U scamming therapists is silly when u can get some real help and advice if your honest but u DECIDED to lie etc.Thats why ur having a tough time because your not giving anyone(including us in your1st post saying u dont drink then in a different post your  drunk)a chance to really help because ur not honest&not being the real u.Why do you want to lie to everyone EXCEPT a girl.U need2learn2b confortable w/urself especially if u dont wanna change but even if u do change let people see the real u.R u ashamed of who u r?

[Trustt]

I am 23

[margypops]

If you are a teen there is a teen forum you may get others with similar problems .,Go to the forums page and look at the list you may also be able to get some professional help ..

[Trustt]

Yeah not to get into normal, not normal, but  its true. To the best of my knowledge I didnt have that bad of child hood. But the blood fetish, thats from the past? explain!!!!!! Please.. I dont want to change, I dont want to , I want to find someone who loves me for me, someone who smears blood on me and lets me on the but not scared! I want to lie to everyone, but her. I just dont know what to do with myself, if you know another website or forum or topic I can post or talk to, I would be forever grateful!! It just seems like its me, Like I am normal and sappose to want this! what is normal?? a square who lives in the trailer park?? I would rather be a cultured son of a ***** than trailer trash!! Regarless if anyyone doesnt love me!! I am who I am, and am looking for you!

[overopiates]

No generally speaking this isnt normal behavior its a release.It can be looked at like an addiction like drugs or alcohol,sex addiction.I dont believe i have ever heard of what society would consider normal/well adjusted behavior would have this going on.I hope u  can find some help here

[Trustt]

Wow that has gave me some hope....That is so weird, since i was a kid Ive been able to read people and use it against the, or shape myself around them to be what they want. I don't know if im emotionally hurt, I get depressed quite bait, but sometimes i like it, but then doesn't that mean its not depressed im feeling? Like i said Ive never met anyone like me and would love to talk face to face, look into the eyes and talk and read someone like that.  I want to see someone that isn't fake and someone who doesn't love the movie house bunny, or someone who had never read a book. BUt that got off topic..sorry.. but is that all it is, secrets and past isusses, Cant i just be like this? No?

[mina46]

Are you depressed or emotionally hurt. Do you like if your empty and you use the pain of cutting to fell in that emptyness. The reason why i ask is because i used cut my self and write things with my own blood. Once in a while i will still cut myself. You can read ppl so can I thats cool. I havent met someone that can do that. I been able to do that since i was small. Anyways there is alot of ppl that cut themselve I know lots of them and believe me each person that cuts is because they have some secret that they dont want to tell.

[Trustt]

But that is the thing. I didn't have that bad of childhood, not the best, but who does, I was never beat or molested( to then best of my knowledge)  I mean I was a mommas boy,  and my mom abounded me,and doesn't talk, but that is it? My blood " fetish" everything?

[RockRose]

I really don't know,  it just seems like a red flag to me that you've clearly go something in your "past" that you are not posting.  You seem to believe that once you post your past everyone will automatically assume that's the cause of your cutting,  so my guess is,  it is.

Best wishes in healing.

[Trustt]

Because the only reason, I ve been drinking,because of a tooth, I had extracted,did work so well, so I can smoke weed,so I've found drinking lately drowns out everything.. but I did mention,

And are you sure that its the past? Is it really that simple?

[RockRose]

Trustt,  I can tell you why you do it,  it's because of the past that you refuse to talk about.  Whatever that is in your past,  that's why you're doing this.  Because the physical pain,  for a time,  masks the emotional pain which is more difficult to bear than the physical.  

And I also don't understand if you are writing on an anonymous message board for help with your question,  why you would lie and say you never drink and then go on to say you are very drunk right now.  Why lie here?   No one even knows who you are.

Until you face down whatever that is in your past,  you'll continue to harm yourself.

[Trustt]

Ps: I am sorry if this is the wrong subject of forum to put in, I couldnt see anything else closet too this. Also speellling, I am very drunk right now, for a very very very very long time!! THe only reasion I am is because i dont tell anyone this and need to be like to to tell you, but would like to know!!!

PLEASE,
AND THANK YOU!!!!!!!