I'm scared and don't know what to do

Well...

I'm in an abusive "relationship". He's not really my boyfriend but we are friends with benefits. Sometimes things get out of control and at first I was in denial that he was  being abusive: emotional, physically, and sexually...After thinking about it though I know I am in a very bad situation.  The abuse ranges from him pressuring me into sex when I don't want it and calling me names when I refuse to him once holding a knife to my throat. Its bad...Its not on a daily basis but its enough that I have started lying to him about where I am and avoiding his phone calls (the best I can we don't have Caller ID...), but he can easily find me because this is a small college campus and pretty much everybody knows everybody all he has to do is ask where I am or have they seen me...I am very frustrated and I know I should turn him in to someone but I feel bad for him because once he gets turned in he goes back to jail or prison or whatever because he's on probation...

[RockRose]

Tell him, unequivocally,  to LEAVE YOU ALONE or you will call the police.  When you do this,  have your dad,  older brother,  uncle,  whatever,  in the room with you.

If he's on probation he's not going to be in any hurry to have the police come after him,  and he's not even your boyfriend - so it's not like he's going to go berserk with possessiveness.

And really,  College, don't give sex to some guy you don't even care about.  That's just degrading.

Best wishes.

[margypops]

That is exactly what you do, you dont take this kind of stuff and you leave losers out of your life.Stand up to him, he will have to back off, better still dont go near him again and call someone if he comes near you.

[margypops]

By the way I have just read your previous post , that I replied to so I dont quite understand what is going on, can you enlighten us please.

[guera82]

tell him over the phone that you dont wanna do nothing with him no more. Tell him not to call you visit you ect. tell him if he does then you will call the police. if he continues... keep ur word and call the popo!!!!! Ur helping him by warning him, its not ur fault if he doesnt take the warning seriously.____str8 ta jail he goes

[guera82]

SORRY THAT POST WAS FOR COLLEGEBEAUTY22!! SORRY HUNNY

[Collegebeauty22]

The only other post I posted on this forum I talked about my past and how I was sexually molested as a child and I was also frustrated with guys.  I started talking to this guy before I posted that post and now things are super complicated with him and i am SUPER frustrated with him and I want out but im scared

[AnnaE]

Best of luck with getting out of this. Do you also need help with dealing with the past abuse. Have you eve been in therapy?

[Collegebeauty22]

I'm in therapy for bipolar disorder. I never went for the past abuse. I talk to my therapist from time to time. There are times when it really haunts me like after I was raped this summer my past abuse haunted me big time and when my first college boyfriend raped me in 2005 I didn't think I would ever get rid of the nightmares of the past I was having. I don't really know how to deal with it sometimes...

[AnnaE]

One thing that happens to survivors is that we are revictimized. Your rapes have something to do with this, but not all. We are vulneraabale, and we need to learn how to take care of ourselves.

Another this is that the feelings and experiences haunt us. Thisis called PTSD. It has to do with being traumatized. This is what you have described.

Plese consider more help for this. And don/t let people tell you that a book can do it. Books help you learn that others have experiences and feelings like yours, and they give you some suggestions for positive action.

Therapy can give you other kinds of individualized help. Group therapy is also excellent for many survivors. I am getting ready to participate in it again, because recent abuse by a doctor has taught me that I need more help now.

Write me back if you have more questions.

Best,

Anna

[margypops]

Have you a Male Family member can help you stand up tpo this guy and stop him coming near you,sometimes they need a positive threat back from some one tough .Let us know how you are doing.

[kjmomma]

This is a bad seed girl.  He was obviously not raised in a stable home and he comes with a past of problems.  He will NEVER change.  I seriously have no idea why you feel bad for the guy....I'm sorry, but if my boyfriend/husband held a knife to my throat for *any* reason, that's it.  And that's it PERIOD.  He's assaulted you in numerous forms, that's domestic violence and damn near rape if you want to go that far.  Tell the campus supervisor or whoever is the top-head there, I would suggest getting a restraining order against him.  Since you're both on the same campus, that might not work out....but it's a start.  
I don't like the sounds of this and can see worse things happening if you continue to let him treat you like this..............................................

[AnnaE]

Since you are in therapy, talk to your therapist about how BP and childhood abuse may cause you hesitation when you need to get rid of someone like this--and how to get rid of him. Re\straining order is good idea. Another person putting themselves in danger seems risky for all. Consider the laws designed to protect.

[AnxiousGurl]

If I were you I wouldnt definately make a report on him about him putting a knife up to your throat....this way its on record!! Please do that. Cant you get college security to help you out. Please stay away from this guy.