help me please anyone.he wont let go of my past

[essharron]

hi everyone im new on here. My life years ago was bad. I sortted my self out and 4 years into living a normal life i met and old friend that i had known for years who had. had the same probs. But we started going out and  are now married. I love him so very much.  my problem is that he wont let go of my past. Hes always reminding me of stuff ive done. I never leave his side as he is worryed that i might do something that he doesnt know about. I never go out the house and when he does the
door is locked. He has also hit me loads of times over this. Id just like to say i have never cheated on him and love him very much. I just dont know what to do. He says he loves me so why cant he love me for me and stop obsesing over my past and past relationships. Well sometime it feels like every thing ive done is wrong. He can be very loveing when he wants to be. But then he just changes. Ive gave up everything and  all friends and family tobe with him and i feel so alone. Nd the thing that really gets to me is he  help this girl upstair from us all the time. And i have to trust him. Why cant he do the same i am his wife. Anyone please help im feeling so alone and somedays i just want to die it feels like  the only way out.as i dont want to be without him but i just ant him to love me for me.

[squirtatious]

Ur life 4 years ago was bad? What about ur life now? Sounds like u went from one pot of fire to another:(

[kenneltech]

He's a control freak and you better get out while you can because it's not going to get any better, it's gonna get worse until he hurts you.

Love DOES NOT HURT!  He doesn't know what love is, and he has no right speaking to you about your past when he has one of his own, and how would he like it if you threw that up in his face?

This is not love, and you need to get out, even if he begs you and says he'll go in for treatment, then you still need to leave until he's been in treatment for AT LEAST a year and proves to you he's changed.

I know you will think this is radical, but trust me and mark my words, this is exactly how all of this will come down.  He's emotionally immature and not capable of love, and you are an enabler and a victim.  NO ONE IS A VICTIM UNLESS THEY LET THEMSELVES BE!

You are a human being, not a caged animal, and no one has the right to treat another human being the way he is treating you.

I've been there, done that, and glad I got the hell out when I did.  Good luck.

[allmymarbles]

The more submissive you become, the more aggressive he will be. Think on it. It is not a one-way street. And as to your loving him, is it love or need? Is it really possible to love someone who harms you?

[Dazon50]

You are right in wanting your husband to forgive you for your past.  You should not be made to atone for things by living like you are giving up freedoms and friends and being able to enjoy life without being abused.

I am in agreement with all those who have written that you should exit this relationship before it is too late.  If he hits on you, he has a serious problem that you cannot solve.  He must want to change and it is he who should be seeking your forgiveness for doing this to you.  It sounds like he is using your past to control you and manipulate you.  Locking you in won't keep what is in him out.

Think carefully, please, over all the previous posts and mine.  We all want you to be safe and healthly and happy.

I know it seems scary to take those steps but when you do and life begins to change for the better, you will be so relieved.  

[itsnotok]

It sounds like you have forgotten how wonderful you are! It sounds like you don't realize that you have come a long way...so have I. You just go ahead and "forget him" - MOVE ON.... He is part of your past - you have moved on. Have fun moving on and don't look back - there is so much more out there for you. ENJOY YOUR LIFE AND DO SOMETHING TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE - IT FEELS GOOD TO MOVE ON AND HELP SOMEONE ELSE DO THE SAME....You actually have a purpose here and with him pressing you down and holding you back you are holding yourself back from having a wonderful life (even though we all go through trials - it will be OK!

[margypops]

All the posts say the same thing..its doubtful he will change even with help, and it doesnt get any better,you are too reliant on him , its time to see reality, he doesnt love you he wants a whipping post.. literally.Do your self a favor your life is worth more than this , some great men out there looking for good women .get tough on yourself pack up and \go, do not look back ....if he pursues you call the Police ..Good luck would you let us know how you are doing ....

[RockRose]

I just read your profile.

The best thing you have going for you right now is you aren't anchored to him by children - please get out now,  and stop trying to get pregnant.  

Is there anyone in your life that you trust that thinks this horrible marriage is a good idea?

[munevz]

married or not, doesn't give him the right, obviously he has issues, and if he put's his hands on you, he needs a taste of his own medicine.

[lovemykids465]

If he hit you leave. I did not even finish reading your post or the responses. GET OUT NOW!!! NEVER TOLERATE PHYSICAL ABUSE!

[teko]

I see so many red flags in your post that I barely know where to begin. He hits you but listening to your post you are more concerned with him letting go of your past. He sounds controlling, abusive, self centered, This is called domestic violence. You are isolated from family and friends, at his side all the time, yet he controls your every move but expects you to trust him with his dealings upstairs. He truly sounds like a narcissist to me. It sounds like you are in prison and have settled for him out of your own lack of self esteem. He is trying to control you when he brings up your past, that is all part of it. It is a cycle. Look it up and see if you see the similarities. The idea is to isolate you from friends and family, make you feel responsible for everything that is not right with his world, jealous, insecure, controlling, physically and emotionally abusive, etc. Yet you say you love him. Sweetie if you experienced true love it would blow your doors off. I sincerely hope you do not waste too many of the best years of your life on this sick dude. Check into the meaning of co dependency as well. You are his enabler.

[specialmom]

I would leave a man the first time he hit me and I'm concerned that you are worried about convincing him you've changed from your past rather than the fact that he hits you.  

This will end badly.  You will  never be able to convince him of anything and should have more desire for yourself to live a healthy lifestyle than to want to be with someone that hurts you and tries to control you.

Do you work?  Are you able to see a therapist?  Would he let you?  I'm concerned with how you are seeing this relationship to be honest.  Very concerned.  
I wish you lots of luck and a safe and happy future.

[PromisedLand]

100% in agreement with mami.. call the police department and they may know of women's shelters where you can go and your privacty can be protected...he won't know where you are.  This will give you time to sort things out, talk to other women in the same situation and find the answers..you've got to get away from this man...


Jim

[mami1323]

Well he sounds extremely abusive and controlling to me.  He has hit you because of this?  Sweetie, this is not a good man.  He's basically cut you off from anyone but him.  He's belittled you and abused you and it sounds to me he has not been faithful to you but makes you feel guilty about things you have done in your past.  He makes you look and feel like the bad one but in reality it's him with the problems.  He doesn't love you because if he did, he would nurture you and lift you up.  My recommendation to you is to leave him.  Once a relationship gets physical, it's time to walk.  He's emotionally and physically abusive.  You can leave him if you have the strength.  No one deserves to be treated the way he treats you.  I would look into some domestic violence shelters for women in your area or try contacting your family again and see if they can help you get out of this situation.  I see no help for this relationship.  I'm sorry.