Mentally Abused

[Sady78]

I am with someone who is destroying me completely.  He is a very overpowering man and has within the 1 year of us being together totally taken control over me.  He swears at me for anything little thing i do i.e accidently putting butter on his toast or not giving him the right towel, he tells me that i am a sla* and whor* and that no one would ever have me because of the realtionships i have had in the past and that i am stupid, he is always using his strength to take control of the argument and by this i mean grabbing me by the throat or holding me up against the wall, but he says he is not silly to mark my face as he wouldnt want others to know.  I want to lieave him desperately but he hasnt threatned to hurt my mum and grandmother who live alone if i do because they kept things about me from him (rightly so) in the past.  I tried to run away last year and he smashed there house windows and threatned my mum but police did nothing as there was no evidence, he is too clever for that.  I hate being with him and scared of everything i do incase its going to upset him.  He doesnt allow me to go out or to socialise anymore or even to have a drink at home now i am being classed as a alcoholic, (i hardly drink).  I have contemplated suicide because of the pain i go through, waking up in the morning and being sworn at so much becuase of something minor and having to wipe my tears and go to work with a brave face.  I stay with him because of the fear of what my poor parents will have to go through if I leave and i dont think its fair as they dont deserve this.  I just really wanted some one to talk to.

[jo929]

It sounds like he has you under his thumb so to speak and most bullys only fight women they are scared of a real man you can leave tell him if anything happens to you or your family someone has a letter and he will spend his life in jail if he harms them get a restraining order for you and your loved ones go to the police and tell them all of this if you let this continue you will just inflate his ego stand up and get your self respect surley you can see a lawyer and get away after awile he will start on someone else that is if he can find someone else to abuse sometime or somewhere he will find someone that will not take this and most parents can take care of themselves there is help for battered woman and the police can tell him just what will happen to him if he gets out of line go to work someday and dont go back i know you will say it is easy for her to say this it has not happened to her but my dear i was beaten one time and i knew that it was the last because i wont take it i cant tell you what i did but the worm turned and i took no more beatings do something but save your self before he kicks your guts out or kills you    lots luck  jo                   the law is for battered woman also  make sure you leave a letter with someone you trust.

[susieq87]

I walked your path at least 15 years.  The very same.  It's called the Wheel of Control.  First, he tries to rob you of your self-esteem by telling you that you can't do anything.  Then he uses the fear tactic by hitting or choking, next the isolation so noone will see
whatis happening.  It won't change.  I spent 10 years like that and started drinking and etc to dull the pain.  My parents were threatened and shot at but the bottom line is that is fatal attraction and all because of his insecurity and rage.  I lost myself and if you stay to long you will lose your self-identity.  Ron didn't hurt my family because my mom kept a gun by the front door in case he came and the police were informed if anything happened to her, he did it and would be put away for life.  It took therapy and medication to find out who I was again.  It took a LONG TIME FOR ME TO FIND THE STRAW THAT BROKE the camel's back so to speak and I never looked back after that and he didn't do the things he threatened because he knew he had pushed me past my breaking point.  There is lots and lots of shelters, mental health physcilities and etc. in which to get help, become willing.  Good luck

[Sady78]

Thank you for your response and i will not lie that it brought tears to my eyes to read the truth and i am in no way indenial.  I have a great job and a future of a fantastic career at the moment and if I considered going to a shelter which i have several times i would have to leave work, i cannot afford to do this.  I know for certain my mum and grandma would not consider this as they have lived their lives comfortably in their own home and would not see this as being the answer, they have a mortgage, other family and there social community, all that would happen is they would take the threats and deal with the revenge he would take but just suffer!  Last time i ran away he demanded 20 thousand pounds from them and he would leave them alone, he says to me sometimes you can give me 10 thousand pounds and you can go, he i s avery greedy person.  he makes me give him rent money and he doesnt even pay rent as he is on benefit but says that, that isnt the point when it come to me as i am living under his roof.  I have packed a few things and kept them under my desk at work incase something really bad happens and i need to escape.  Unfortunately all my belogings are there and I know my life is more important but if i left them he would burn them all. I wish I could leave but I really am in a no win situation, i can run but my parents wont and they have just about forgiven me for getting back with him and the only reason i did was to stop him attacking them.  I am sorry as i know it is probably annoying to hear me say i cant go i cant go but I really am scared and am frightened of getting that call that something has happened to my mum , he has told me he will kill her.  I would rather die first then that happen.  It has been great to let some of this out today, unfortunately i am so restricted I cannot get to a counsellor or any sort of help as my phone is watched by him and i cannot do anything without him taking me or knowing where i am.  Thanks for listening!

[jml1986]

PLEASE LISTEN WHEN I SAY THIS, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE ASAP! YOU ARE GOING TO END UP GETTING HURT REALLY BAD OR EVEN GETTING KILLED!

There are abuse shelters out there and you can take your mom and your grandma with you. They will help you do whatever you need to to keep that man away from you. I know it will be hard but I can tell you that suicide is not the answer. If you are afraid that your family will be hurt now, I can assure you they will be hurt even worse by you killing yourself. You have taken the first step by coming on this site, so you do have some strengh left to fight this man. So please do as I said and get out while you can. If you need to talk I am here for you.