My 3 and 1/2 year old son has been accused of bullying kids at day care

In the las couple of weeks when i picked up my kid i have reports from the teachers saying my kid hit another kid, or my kid grabbed another kid (same kid usually) or my kid pushed him... etc... i had a talk with my husband and the director of the daycare and they were affraid that the parents from this other kid were going to take their kid out of daycare because of my sons behavior. I dont want that to happend and i dont want my kid to become a bully. what can i do to prevent this from happening?
I already talked to him everymorning before i drop him off about being a nice boy and nice friend. and about how much it hurts the other kids when he grabs them or hits them. but it doesnt seem that he cares.

[margypops]

My first thought is do you have any idea if he is copying' this behavior from any older sibling relative friends child .Does he watch any TV may have rough housing /fighting My other question is do the other children do any hitting first or is he the only one that is fighting ?

[benjimom]

my first question is "why is he doing this behavior"? Yes, other parents are probably complaining and a lot of parents are not very sympathetic and are quick to throw stones. I know this from personal experience.  My son last year had a few instances of being aggressive, no one was hurt physically, but he was taken out of the classroom and put in a one on one situation.  Parents ahd complained apparently.  Also, this was a magnet school with a lot of very rich students and I'm sure they don't let these types of instances go.  My son has sensory issues and is not hitting now thankfully.  He never did it a lot.  I had my son over to a playdate oen time and at teh end my son hit the mom because she was taking the boy away from him for us to go home.  She got very angry, never discussed it with me, but would never talk to me again or even look at me.  We heard from the son, we were not welcome at the home again.  So yes, some of these parents will complain.  

I would sit down first and have a conference and see about triggers and make a plan for this type of behavior, but I will warn you a lot of these daycare workers don't knw a lot about this type of thing and may not be all that helpful.

I think he's too young to be a "bully".  

Also, is there anyone in the classroom he is not "getting along" with.  at this age, kids often don't use words, they use actions (hitting, kicking, etc).

[allmymarbles]

Have you found out why he dislikes this boy?

[teko]

Is it possible for a 3 and a half year old to be a bully? My goodness, times have certainly changed. Whatever happened to the daycares, sitters, teachers, doing a little bit more than watching the kids in their keep. What ever happened to them taking an active part in guiding a child in the way they should go? Are you kidding me? They keep your child and expect YOU to control their behavior while THEY are in charge? UM, I know I am old but this is a tad ridiculous at best. If they cannot do THEIR job, maybe you need to find someone who can? I mean, you are paying them right?

[RockRose]

powerflower,  I agree that you need to find out what is motivating him to do this.

It could be almost anything - he sees that one boy as weak and so he picks on him,  or he really likes that boy as a friend and gets frustrated when he won't play the way your son wants to,  or the boy is taunting him somehow and getting this reaction from your son - it's really impossible to know what's going on without talking to both boys and the teacher.  

Find out specifically what is happening when your son hurts this boy.

Best wishes.

[allmymarbles]

Right on!

[benjimom]

I hope you have gotten some answers.  I agree with RockRose, find out some specifics.

[kenneltech]

Then you need to go spend a few days as a teachers helper and catch it first hand and put an immediate stop to it before he gets bigger and people really start hurting.  This is not acceptable.