advice? anyone going through the same?

[MuzikMajor]

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant.me & the father are no longer together.when i found out i was pregnant at 6 weeks,he demanded i have an abortion.im prolife so i said no.when he didnt get his way he beat me to try & make me miscarry.my arms & stomach were bruised up & i had 2 black eyes along with a swollen & hour long bloody nose.i ended up getting a family court restraining order,& he has to go through anger management.

Now heres the problem...im hearing from several people that hes going to sue me for getting a restraining order on him,that hes going to somehow make me look like an unfit mother,& that him & his mother are going to take the baby away.both his parents are correctional officers & im afraid hes going to get special treatment.what are the chances of me being able to get full custody of my son when hes born? The father is oubviously not a good person,his mother is psyco by sending threatening letters & txts,his new girlfriend has harassed me & is suicidal...i dont want my baby around these people...what could i possibly do to prevent the father from having anything to do with my baby? I currently have pictures of the bruises he gave me & one letter from a witness who heard him slamming me against walls.i also have another person who is going to write a letter about the things hes been saying about me.(she happens to work with him & is my best friend.)

Any advice would help.im just stressing out so bad & really afraid for the safety of my baby.im sorry this post was so long.

[MuzikMajor]

Thankyou everyone=]

[Indygirl11]

Also having those letters and texts his mother sent you will help, also if he has a criminal history bring that up. Unless you have one too, then dot being it up unless they bring up yours. Also character witnesses for your self will help,
People to day you are a good person and all that stuff. And unless you're like on drugs or are homeless or something they really won't be able to say you are an unfit parent, plus with how he beat you up to try to make you miscarry I'd say your chances are very good of getting at least primary custody, and saying how you fear he may kill your child since he has already tried once could help. He probably will get some kind of custody though. Although you could try really hard and might be able to make them supervised visits only. Honestly it sounds like its probably his mother who is pressuring him to do this. He doesn't really want the baby. A way to get him to drop it might be agreeing my go after child support or something, I know it would help but from the sound of it he's probably not the kind of guy who'd give it to you anyway

[BluCrystal]

Yes, congratulations on the birth of your baby.  Take the time now to bond with him/her, and enjoy the precious moments that happen.  Blessings - Blu

[maricellas]

Save all those threats . Lock them so u don't erase them. That's evidence that they are doing it on purpose. Stall with ur family and maintain with them. Buy all the things u need for baby tp prove u r capable. Don't go back to him. If u still can take photos of ur bruises . Go to a church or ur local crisis pregnancy center they give good advice and free baby stuff. Really sorry for ur pain. I wish I can do more.

[specialmom]

Well congrats on the baby!!  I wish you the best of luck.  peace

[MuzikMajor]

Im actually just about to be rolled out of the hospital.i had my little one yesterday afternoon <3

As far as the dad goes i have no idea.just gonna have to take it day by day i guess=/

[Godisfaithful]

So sorry you are going through this. I prayed for you will reading your story. You don't have to be a religious person for God to help you. He loves you no matter what.

[specialmom]

Was wondering how you are doing dear.  

[specialmom]

Oh good, counseling is a great thing to do!  And with this lack of family support, maybe it indeed will be a good idea to get to Texas as soon as possible!

[MuzikMajor]

They know.theyve known since it happened.my family isnt too helpful.my little sister & aunt have helped but i only get to see them so much.i actuallt started going to a counselor.

[specialmom]

Sorry about your parents.  It stinks to be estranged from them.  The good news is that you have others that you can lean on.  I would tell them what is going on and lean on them for support.  peace and luck and let me know how it goes, okay?

[MuzikMajor]

Nope..no parents.havent talked to my mother in about 6 years & havent talked to my dad in about 3 years.i live with my grandparents & one of my uncles.then my other 2 uncles live just down the street so if anything happened they would be here fast.

Im not a religious person,but thankyou Bonnie=]

[Bonnielv]

God bless you.. pray

[specialmom]

Oh, I'm so glad to help in any way I can sweetie!  I'm glad your state is more of a mommy state!  You were so smart to collect evidence, do the proper paper work, etc.  This will really help.

And I agree.  He is unsafe.  I honestly would consider moving to Texas when you can to just remove yourself from the danger.  Do you live with your parents now?  I hope so as I would just like to know you are around people that are a second pair of eyes for you regarding this guy or his family.

I don't think he wants to take your baby.  I just think he wants to mess with you.  

I will listen to the song your recommend.  Lyrics can definitely speak to our heart at times, can't they.  

You hang in there and I'm here any time you need to talk!  peace

[MuzikMajor]

I live in california which is a state that tends to lean more towards mommys.im lucky in that aspect.i guess its just parinoia..im really scared for my little one if my ex fiance ever got him.i mean he tried killing him once,whats to say he wont try again?

I havent really been able to talk to anyone about how i feel either.it helps alot to be able to get all this out to some other moms that i know understand & im very appreciative to you for talking to me. Im starting to be able to see the light at the end of my tunnel.

If any of you are a Seether fan,"Rise Above This" is a great song & describes how i feel now.(im also a big music person.i wanted to be a band director before i dropped out of college for my ex so he could join the air force)

[specialmom]

You'll be a great mom!!  You already are---  you chose life over doing what your boyfriend wanted and when you saw that he was dangerous to you and your baby, you filed charges and were done with him.  Yeah you!!

So terrific that you filed a report and have pics.  That is nearly impossible to deny as strong evidence against him and means he'll never be able to take the baby from  you.  That the sheriff is now a witness as he was there when you filled out the paper work is also terrific!!  I think you are good.

Again, I'm not really sure you can change venue for family court.  In trials where you can't get an impartial jury, they do that.  But family court is about the parties involved and one judge.  You'd have to prove that you couldn't get an unbiased judge.  But your lawyer can discuss that with you.  One other thing that you MUST talk about with your lawyer is this.  What are the laws in your state?  Some states do grant visitation equally to mothers and fathers.  You want to fight this.  Do so with the evidence you have about his violence.  That may NOT be the law but good to know,

And there is still the off chance that he is just blowing smoke and has no intention to do anything legally with this baby.

I think moving far away could be a good plan if it gets ugly once the baby is born.

Again, wish you all the best.  You absolutely are going to be a great mama and I commend you for the mature way you are already caring for your baby.  peace and hugs

[MuzikMajor]

& i do believe ill make a good mom.i dont do drugs or smoke or drink.my own mother used to be addicted to all 3 so the idea of it all just makes me nervous.all i do is work & spend time with family.im a big family person.

[MuzikMajor]

Thankyou very much everyone for the help.i never knew i could ask for a change of venue.it helps calm me down knowing some new info.im supposed to meet with my lawyer next week about everything so ill bring that up.

My older sister actually lives out of town in texas & i was planning on moving out there with her in about a year when i could get some money saved up.

Yes i do have a steong support system.one of my uncles is also a correctional officer & he helped keep me calm & told me what to do when all this started.he actually sat there with me & the sherriff whsn i filed the abuse report.

[specialmom]

Can you change a venue if it isn't a trial but family court?  I am not sure if you can do that but worth a try if you can.  I think you can talk to an attorney or arbitrator about this as well.  I'm not sure how much pull corrections officers have to be honest within the family court system.  But some true legal advice here would be a good idea.  

My hope that this is just talk and that this monster/man and his family isn't as vindictive as to use a baby as a pawn.  ugh.

good luck and peace

[BluCrystal]

You need to request a change of venue for the court proceedings DUE to the fact that you fear unfair treatment due to corrections officers being directly related to the father.  It is your right to request this, and is legally right for a change of venue be given under these circumstances.  I am sorry that you have had to go through so much pain to protect your baby.  I hope this helps.  Blessings to you and your unborn child - Blu

[specialmom]

Hi.  Wow, I am SO sorry to hear about this.  I'm glad you are away from this violent, unstable man!!  

so interesting that he tried to force you to have an abortion, tried to beat you so you'd miscarry and then when you are almost due, decide that he is going to try to keep the baby himself.

This may not be his intention.  He may be spiteful and awful, but he may not want this baby in actuality to come live with him and then he has the responsibility.

I would not try to file for child support---as that will up the ante of this situation.  I believe you and your baby deserve support absolutely but your safety and that of the baby comes first.

Do you have a strong support system around you?  Could you possibly move out of the town you are in?  

They can not make up stories about you to claim you are unfit.  If you are drug free, able to support your baby, and have no history that would indicate a problem---  what 'evidence' could they come up with?  You, on the other hand, have evidence---  pics, a letter, and the restraining order.  

Don't listen to rumors other than to be prepared mentally for his trying to do something to upset you (as I don't think he really wants the baby).  

You can't sue someone for a restraining order filed and placed against them.  He beat you.  That is within your rights.  I'd have filed charges for the beating.  An assault charge would certainly work against him in any court proceedings regarding the baby.  

Again, so very very very sorry.  This sounds really hard.  peace