Need advice

[Julz499]

Hi there, this is my first time writing in. I am in a dilema and not sure how to go about talking to my partner about this. He has anger issues, which he is aware off, but lately his verbal abuse is getting much worse. I have tried to get us into counselling for a past few years, but he wants to try to sort himself out on his own - which isn't working. We have been together for 11 years and I am finally at my wits end as to how to help him - he has abandonment issues (due to him being adopted), bad arthritis which see's him in a lot of pain, anger issues and after a lot of research I am pretty sure he has borderline personality disorder. I am not sure how to get help for him - I have been very patient & supportive through thick and thin over the past years - however now I have found a lump on my breast & need his support now more than ever - this is something I don't think he 'knows' how to do - as he is very selfish & doesn't seem to take other peoples feelings into consideration.
I do love him & know we need help to help sort out these problems - however I feel I can no longer do this on my own - I have decided to get counselling for myself (if he won't come) and intend on telling him this (in a nice way) - I have found lately that I am finding it harder & harder to talk to him about my feelings & when I do he listens, but never does anything about it to help change things.
I just want 'us' to be happy together. I guess one thing I must mention, is his 'outbursts' can happen anywhere from once every few months - 6 months - all in all, when things are good between us - things really are great.
Any advice would be muchly appreciated - I need to know I am on the right track with counselling, and have also decided to go and talk to his doctor about my thoughts (as he knows the type of medication he is on).

Thanks for listening. :-)

[wonder26]

Try To Be There For Him. I Myself Suffer From Horrible Anger Issues And Vilent Outbursts Due To My ADD. I've Put Holes In Walls, Dented Metal Doors And Even Broken My Hand. I've Never Abused Anyone In Any Way But I Do Make People Afraid Of Me. At One Point It Got So Bad That My Fiance Almost Left Me. Seeing How Afraid Of Me She Was Made Me Try And Take My Life. But I Got Help And I Found Out That I Had Been Surpressing Emotions That Were Making Me Like That. I'm Better Now That I'm Back On My Meds. My Advice Is To Get Him To Go To Counseling And Get Some Help Before Its Too Late.

[SL345]

Keep going in the direction you described. Sometimes when one person in a relationship changes, it impacts the entire relationship. Focus on what you need to work on for yourself so that you won't have any regrets as time goes by, no matter what happens to the relationship. Continue to work on your own self growth and development. Periodically, encourage him to get help for himself or to join you in some couple's counseling.