Need some suggestions about a 22 year old abusing an 80 year old

[snarky348]

Before you jump to conclusions, just know that this is probably a little different than you think.  The 80 yr old grandmother is of sound mind, socially and physically active.  But she has a 22 yr old grandson who she's raised his whole life.   The thing is, he is EXTREMELY verbally abusing to her (and frankly everyone) when he's drunk.   When he's sober or smoking pot, he's usually acceptable, but it's the alcohol that causes all the trouble.  

See, he just lost his girlfriend because everytime he drank he would get on the phone with her at 5am and scream and yell at her, telling her she's a ****, and saying the nastiest, vile, meanest things you can ever imagine.  So, this is how it starts.  His bedroom is next to the grandmothers, and he slams around the house like it's his own, wakes her up, she comes out and says something, and he flies off the handle.   He will start screaming at the top of his lungs "this isn't the 30's you old *****, why don't you go die",  then he might throw things, damage property, and give the 80 yr old woman a near screaming panic attack (btw, she has a heart condition).   And the fighting will go on for hours.  Viscious, horrible, mean screaming,  and most recently, a physical scuffle where they were fighting over the cordless phone because he thought she was trying to call the cops.   He's thrown her cell phone across the room in the past and broken it,  he's caused hundreds of dollars in damage to her stuff, broken ornaments and picture frames, etc.  

Yet, the grandmother will change the locks, only to let him back in in a couple days "just to have something to eat",  and the "just to sleep here this one night", and then of course he's back in.

He's 22...has never had a regular job, blew his college loans by getting kicked out, rags out the car that his grandmother gifted him for free, and is generally a disrespectful jackass.  But again, at WORST when he is not drinking, anything that happens is only 10% as bad as when he's drinking.    Oh yea, and the most brazen thing he's ever done is forcefully steal money from her in front of her face when she wouldn't give him some money.

He's been in jail before for giving his ex a concussion when he was drunk.  He just ran away his other girlfriend (above).   And worst yet, he has endless girls hanging all over his d*ck.

Any suggestions of how to deal with this before someone gets killed?  The grandmother never takes permanent action.  There is plenty of covert video evidence stored away of his outbursts...

[allmymarbles]

The evil here is alcoholism. (Although being an angry drunk tells of a deeper problem.) And there is no way to force him into rehab. One day he is going to beat his grandmother up. I don't see that there is anything you can, except perhaps warn the grandmother.

[margypops]

Yes I have to say the same I think your granma is needy for affection albeit negative , she has to be strong and remove him from her house .She can help help but she has to want to, as you say yourself she is of sound mind . Is there any chance you can talk to him and tell him what you have said here .?

[RockRose]

There's nothing you can do.  

This is what she wants to do.    Somehow he fills a need in her - I guess to be needed - and she chooses to live like this.

If there is a time where she is mentally or physically unable to advocate for herself,  you can step in and there are elder abuse laws that will help out.

As it is,  this is her choice.