My nine (9) year old son and his best friend (same age and gender), engaged in sexual experimentation one evening. It went way beyond what children of that age should know about. We're talking kisssing on the lips, to oral stimulation of eachothers penises, and simulation of intercourse from behind.
My son told me about the incident nearly a week after it happened because he was becoming more distressed and had a bad pain in his tummy. He told his dad fiirst and got his dad to tell me. We both we very supportive, and because I am a counsellor, I have been helping him resolve this on an emotional level every day. I told the other boys mother and she asked her son and he confirmed it. His mother said that they would have been engaging in this behaviour for less than 10 mins (from the time she left the room until she returned), but the advanced nature of these acts has left the same devastating affects as normal abuse. Both boys said they have viewed adult pornography on the net. Both feel very bad about what they engaged in. My son feels so ashamed of himself, fears is sexuality (concerned that he will now be classified as homosexual), and is working through a great deal of rage because his frined has said that it was all my sons idea.
His friend has a history of bad behaviour at school and home. He comes from a single parent home, spends weekends with his dad. His mother still smaks him and his critical and harsh. His father shares a house with many other guys, and the grandparents on his fathers side also smack him a lot. I am very concerned for this young boy and believe that he was in fact the instigator - as a result of exposure to pornography and/or being sexually abused himself. However, this is not my question...... My question is .......
Becuase they were the same age, it is not considered sexual abuse. However, I'm wondering what the impact of this single event is likely to be for my son. I work with adult victims of past child sex abuse, but now am working with my own son. He desperately wants me to help him as her fears the "embarassment of an outsider knowing. We do lots of sandplay therapy and drawing, breathing and expression of negative feeling, and meditation. My sons lets me know when he feels like he needs help and I am available. Every now and then I talk to him about the added benefits of seeing someone else for help but respect his ability to direct his healing. Mosly he is concerned that he will spend the rest of his life with the "image" of their action going through his mind and he says that frustrating to think it might never go away. Is there like to be lasting affects from one incidence of "same age" sexual encounter at age 9. What else can I be doing to support him. His father and I have always been very loving and supportive and this has continued. I have respected his wishes that he never see his friend again.
Looking for professional guidance please.