Aa
So alone...
Hi everyone,
I guess I just need to vent. I have been abused my entire life by my family, immediate and extended. I was abused physically, sexually and emotionally. I met a couple 5 years ago who quickly became what I call my God given family. It didn't take long to begin calling them my mom and dad. Their kids became my brothers and sisters, their kids became my nieces and nephews and so on... It was the closest thing to a family that I have ever had. I love them so much and they mean the world to me.
An extended family member is getting married on Friday and everyone was invited accept for me. I always feel a little left out but I try really hard to bury those feelings. All everyone can talk about is this wedding and it stings me right down to the core. All I want is to be completely accepted but things like this just make me remember that no matter how hard I try or wish, I will never really be family. It's just such a big pill to swallow...
I guess I just need to vent. I have been abused my entire life by my family, immediate and extended. I was abused physically, sexually and emotionally. I met a couple 5 years ago who quickly became what I call my God given family. It didn't take long to begin calling them my mom and dad. Their kids became my brothers and sisters, their kids became my nieces and nephews and so on... It was the closest thing to a family that I have ever had. I love them so much and they mean the world to me.
An extended family member is getting married on Friday and everyone was invited accept for me. I always feel a little left out but I try really hard to bury those feelings. All everyone can talk about is this wedding and it stings me right down to the core. All I want is to be completely accepted but things like this just make me remember that no matter how hard I try or wish, I will never really be family. It's just such a big pill to swallow...
Getting away from those who abuse you and those who associate with the abusers(even if both groups are family or friends) is the only solution to your loneliness and the only end to any continuing abuse you may experience. It is hard to just walk away from your past- but I can tell you from experience that if you want to be happy in life- you have to move away from all the people/things that hurt/use or ignore you...
Start fresh and you will see the difference, even if it is only a little at first. Within all reason-life is too short to live by others expectations, and live in an upsetting or uncomfortable situation just because you feel you have an obligation to someone that hurts you. The only obligation to anyone is what you expect out of yourself- and if you expect great things- they will happen.
Just walk away from those that hurt you, and your life will go anywhere you take it- just point it in the direction of a productive passion/career/hobbie/lifestyle/etc., and even thought it takes a long while- things will be better.
Wish you luck :)
Start fresh and you will see the difference, even if it is only a little at first. Within all reason-life is too short to live by others expectations, and live in an upsetting or uncomfortable situation just because you feel you have an obligation to someone that hurts you. The only obligation to anyone is what you expect out of yourself- and if you expect great things- they will happen.
Just walk away from those that hurt you, and your life will go anywhere you take it- just point it in the direction of a productive passion/career/hobbie/lifestyle/etc., and even thought it takes a long while- things will be better.
Wish you luck :)
Don't worry, it's just his/her loss not inviting u, I'm sure your whole new family accepts u fine and you shouldn't feel bad about a few blips along the way. You're in a better place and I hope ur really happy, you have a husband and child in ur profile, so you will always have a loving family to be with
I must say that I agree with Rockrose. We have two chances at family--- the one we are born into and the one we create as adults ourselves. This other family sounds wonderful and that they've been very good to you but you are a family friend. They care for you, I'm sure. but that will never compare to your husband and children. Plan a lovely weekend for your little family and then ask them all about the wedding later. Learn to love the life you have rather than long for a different one. That is how someone eventually will find peace. good luck
Darcy, you have a lovely family. You have a devoted husband who wants to take you away this weekend, you have a darling little pixie daughter, and a healthy baby on the way.
THAT's your family, and you're lucky lucky lucky to have such a good one!
This older couple and their extended family isn't your family - they're close "family friends" as they say. The fact that you keep feeling left out is an indication that although they are fond of you family is family and friends are friends - and it's a blessing that you have their close friendship.
I don't know specifically what's going on with the wedding - whether it's in a small venue or their budget is small, or they just want to have an intimate wedding - or maybe they feel like you're a close friend of the older couple and they don't see you as family at all. Or maybe there's some kind of undercurrent of resentment about attention given and loyalties, and there's a little jealousy going on there.
The thing is, this isn't a purposeful, nasty and public snub of you - or the family wouldn't be joyously going on about the wedding in front of you. They don't see this as a snub.
At this time in your life - with a daughter in early elementary school, and a new baby, you will have SO MANY opportunities to form lifelong bonds with other families with children. Through your daughter's childhood friendships you can form very close bonds with like families, and when your baby is here you can join new moms groups at community centers or large churches, and playgroups, and those relationships can be the basis for your "extended" family through intimate friendships.
I bet your husband is getting really weary of your frustration with this family that you would like to belong to - and he's feeling a little lonely and left out. I say take him up on his offer to take you out of town this weekend, have a fabulous time, and post pics on your facebook page of your smiling faces!
Best wishes.
THAT's your family, and you're lucky lucky lucky to have such a good one!
This older couple and their extended family isn't your family - they're close "family friends" as they say. The fact that you keep feeling left out is an indication that although they are fond of you family is family and friends are friends - and it's a blessing that you have their close friendship.
I don't know specifically what's going on with the wedding - whether it's in a small venue or their budget is small, or they just want to have an intimate wedding - or maybe they feel like you're a close friend of the older couple and they don't see you as family at all. Or maybe there's some kind of undercurrent of resentment about attention given and loyalties, and there's a little jealousy going on there.
The thing is, this isn't a purposeful, nasty and public snub of you - or the family wouldn't be joyously going on about the wedding in front of you. They don't see this as a snub.
At this time in your life - with a daughter in early elementary school, and a new baby, you will have SO MANY opportunities to form lifelong bonds with other families with children. Through your daughter's childhood friendships you can form very close bonds with like families, and when your baby is here you can join new moms groups at community centers or large churches, and playgroups, and those relationships can be the basis for your "extended" family through intimate friendships.
I bet your husband is getting really weary of your frustration with this family that you would like to belong to - and he's feeling a little lonely and left out. I say take him up on his offer to take you out of town this weekend, have a fabulous time, and post pics on your facebook page of your smiling faces!
Best wishes.
A few years ago our next-door neighbor was celebrating his 100th birthday. His large family was giving the party and it was pretty much a family affair. But we had become good friends with our neighbor and kept an eye on him because he lived alone. So I asked his niece to include my husband and I and they were delighted to. I just hadn't occurred to them because we were not related.
It was a great party and our neighbor danced a tarantella with his 96-year-old sister.
It was a great party and our neighbor danced a tarantella with his 96-year-old sister.
I am sorry ..it hurts doesn't it to be left out, how about you ask them can you be included, have a heart to heart talk with the person who is arranging the wedding tell them you would really love to be there and share the pleasure of the wedding, sometimes we have to put out...to get back
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