So depressed

[Mrsjazzietee]

I have not even been married a year and regret being married. I'm 10 weeks pregnant first child and miserable. Husband curse me, put me down and go out every weekend. I wanted it to work out so I would always try and do talks and make it right. I hate I have to go through this.when we first met he was NOT like this. I dont know what to do. Advice please

[margypops]

Let us know how you get on ..good luck

[Mrsjazzietee]

Thank you ladies for so much positive support! I an going to ask him about counseling but if he deny that I def know what I should have to do

[specialmom]

I agree that he'd have to really want to change in order to do so and it doesn't sound like you've had any sign of that.  It always saddens me when we make such people dads and wish you'd thought about the negative side of him before becoming pregnant.  Now you must figure out what your next steps are.  Being pregnant complicates your life a bit in that you will need a plan on how to raise this child alone.  Plenty of women do it and are great single moms.  There is always adoption which is a beautiful thing under certain circumstances.  So, think of what your options are and what kind of plans you can make.  Hopefully you have a supportive family.  Wishing you luck and peace.

[allmymarbles]

It is a rare thing when people change. Mean people remain mean and loving people remain loving. I am sorry you married this guy and sorrier yet that you are having a child with him because the latter binds you to him for life.

You say you regret being married. So get unmarried. That is the simplest solution. Not a happy solution, but it beats being treated badly.

[margypops]

I agree its not acceptable and it will get worse , every marriage is worth saving if possible, so do go the route of asking him to talk to you maybe he has some problems at work ,if he wont talk suggest some marriage counseling for you both .If he wont then you will have to think what he will be like in the future and remember we are talking about a child aswell being part of it ..good luck I hope he will talk to you .

[AnnieBrooke]

I also think it's an either fix it or end it situation, and if you can't get your husband to counseling, it would be time to end it.  If my husband cursed me and went out every weekend, he would come back some night to find me gone.  Pregnancy is no reason to stay in a horrible relationship (and in fact a big reason to leave it, if it is that horrible).  Talk to a counselor and then an attorney (to discuss how you maintain child support rights) and get ready to go if he won't work on things.

[Hakphin]

You mentioned trying to talk  to him, and apparently this didn't work. Have you suggested marriage counseling? There are probably a myriad of reasons this is going on. If he's cursing you, and constantly putting you down, then he probably has anger and control issues. One can only assume what's going on in an individuals head. A lot of times people get married young, and on a whim. These issues he's having could be stuff from his childhood that's just starting to manifest with the added stress of work, and a kid on the way.

Either way, you shouldn't be subjected to this. I think that you should suggest counseling, or tabling the issues more. If he blows you off, and doesn't agree, then what kind of husband do you think he will be ten years from now? You need to get a hold of this situation, and your life right away, before you get stuck in this situation. If someone isn't willing to correct their behavior for the one they love, then what hope does the marriage have?

-H

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