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Tiffinylove90 and laura1977
Hi! I hope you don't mind me writing to you two. I wanted to send a pm but still can't figure out the dumb thing! Besides, they only let you have 500 characters, which would be hard for someone like me!
I was drawn to something you both said to another poster. You both said you had been cutters. My daughter has been cutting herself for at least a year now. She just turned 15. Our whole world turned upside down this last year and I'm still struggling to understand and know how to act and what to do. She has a good family who loves her very much. Her struggles has been mostly with her peers and how she's been treated. She's a deep kid and has been hurt deeply by her peers for years. We didn't even know how bad things were till this last year. We've moved her to a different school and she seems happier but is not completely out of the woods. She still struggles with depression and has a low self esteem. In some ways, though, she seems to be doing better than I am. I can't seem to move forward. I feel stuck in all these feelings of guilt, fear, confusion but most of all grief. I still don't understand. It hurts to see these scars on my beautiful daughter. One in particular is pretty bad. She cut someone's initials into her when we made them stop seeing each other. We felt this person was dangerous for her. Now everytime I see this scar, it reminds me of this person. She will have to carry this for the rest of her life and it will be a constant reminder to her and her dad and I of this horrible time and this person in particular. I worry that people will be shocked and judge her when they see this scar and the others, before they even get to know the wonderful girl she is. She, who so wanted to be accepted by her peers, has now made it even harder for herself, and it breaks my heart. Maybe if this wasn't my daughter I could handle it better, but this is my baby.Every time I see these scars, I have to look away. It hurts so bad. Will this ever get better? I could have accepted this better if this was the result of an accident or something, but to know that my baby deliberately hurt herself is SO hard for me. It's my job to protect my kids and I feel like I failed her terribly. I didn't see the signs soon enough. I wish I could have stopped this before it got to this point. I don't know how to stop feeling this grief. I just want her to be ok. I want her to be accepted and loved by others. I want her to be happy. Is there any advice or hope that you can give me? I feel so alone. I don't know any other parents going through this. The odd thing about it is, my daughter seems to have more around her who are cutters and understand. My age group doesn't seem to understand. I've actually lost friends from this. I guess it's just too deep for some people. That's another thing. My daughter knows quite a few kids like her who are cutters and it worries me that it sends the wrong message that it's ok. I also worry that they feed off of each other. I tried to find a support group for parents of cutters and could find nothing. That's why I wrote to you two. I was hoping you could help or give advice. I feel so alone in this, and still feel a lot of grief. I don't know how to move forward. Thanks for listening to me. God bless you two and I hope you guys are doing well.
I was drawn to something you both said to another poster. You both said you had been cutters. My daughter has been cutting herself for at least a year now. She just turned 15. Our whole world turned upside down this last year and I'm still struggling to understand and know how to act and what to do. She has a good family who loves her very much. Her struggles has been mostly with her peers and how she's been treated. She's a deep kid and has been hurt deeply by her peers for years. We didn't even know how bad things were till this last year. We've moved her to a different school and she seems happier but is not completely out of the woods. She still struggles with depression and has a low self esteem. In some ways, though, she seems to be doing better than I am. I can't seem to move forward. I feel stuck in all these feelings of guilt, fear, confusion but most of all grief. I still don't understand. It hurts to see these scars on my beautiful daughter. One in particular is pretty bad. She cut someone's initials into her when we made them stop seeing each other. We felt this person was dangerous for her. Now everytime I see this scar, it reminds me of this person. She will have to carry this for the rest of her life and it will be a constant reminder to her and her dad and I of this horrible time and this person in particular. I worry that people will be shocked and judge her when they see this scar and the others, before they even get to know the wonderful girl she is. She, who so wanted to be accepted by her peers, has now made it even harder for herself, and it breaks my heart. Maybe if this wasn't my daughter I could handle it better, but this is my baby.Every time I see these scars, I have to look away. It hurts so bad. Will this ever get better? I could have accepted this better if this was the result of an accident or something, but to know that my baby deliberately hurt herself is SO hard for me. It's my job to protect my kids and I feel like I failed her terribly. I didn't see the signs soon enough. I wish I could have stopped this before it got to this point. I don't know how to stop feeling this grief. I just want her to be ok. I want her to be accepted and loved by others. I want her to be happy. Is there any advice or hope that you can give me? I feel so alone. I don't know any other parents going through this. The odd thing about it is, my daughter seems to have more around her who are cutters and understand. My age group doesn't seem to understand. I've actually lost friends from this. I guess it's just too deep for some people. That's another thing. My daughter knows quite a few kids like her who are cutters and it worries me that it sends the wrong message that it's ok. I also worry that they feed off of each other. I tried to find a support group for parents of cutters and could find nothing. That's why I wrote to you two. I was hoping you could help or give advice. I feel so alone in this, and still feel a lot of grief. I don't know how to move forward. Thanks for listening to me. God bless you two and I hope you guys are doing well.
God just did an awesome thing today! He had me in the right situation, in the right time meeting the right people. God is so good! I'll email you about it later!
One other idea you might consider is taking her to the morge so to see a young adult her age that has killed themselves. Some morges allow this but some do not. It is extreme, but it maybe an eye opener. Another idea is tell her to find something else to do with her fingers. I still to this day have a nervous habit of picking the skin on the side of my thumbs.
She has to find another habit that isn't so bad.
My mother always use to say something about a scar on my left hand that I did when I was in middle school. She said one day Laura when you get married they will take a pic of you and your husbands hands, and that will be in the pic. You know she was right. No one notices it, but I sure did the first time I saw the pic.
Your daughters best bet is she needs to stop running with those kids. Is there any way you guys can move to another area? Some friends are as bad as bad enemies. I will email you and that way I can go into more details about stuff.
She has to find another habit that isn't so bad.
My mother always use to say something about a scar on my left hand that I did when I was in middle school. She said one day Laura when you get married they will take a pic of you and your husbands hands, and that will be in the pic. You know she was right. No one notices it, but I sure did the first time I saw the pic.
Your daughters best bet is she needs to stop running with those kids. Is there any way you guys can move to another area? Some friends are as bad as bad enemies. I will email you and that way I can go into more details about stuff.
She doesn't act ashamed about it anymore. She hasn't been hiding it as much anymore. She has a friend who I saw the other day with red cuts all up and down her arms. I tried warning my daugher about her but she feels very loyal to her. She says she was there for her when no one else was. She was suicidal back in September of last year (we found a suicide note and was completely shocked! We immediately got her into counseling) and called her friend and she claims this girl saved her life. I say God saved her life. She just doesn't see that.
I tried to get her to talk to an older college girl who used to be a cutter and she turned her life around when she found God. My daughter refused to talk to her. She says she doesn't have a problem and that she's over it. She's better but not completely over it. Now all of a sudden, she's showing the cuts more and saying people should just accept her the way she is and not judge her. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I feel like she's throwing it in people's faces and challenging them to either accept her or not. She says her new school accepts her and have seen her cuts. I'm glad but yet not sure if this means she's saying this is ok? Because this is not ok. I worry about her state of mind sometimes. I know kids do dumb things but she's drawn some pretty scary, dark, sad pictures. She's actually quite talented, I just wish she'd draw some more positive things. She's drawn things like a girl sitting all alone in a dark room, crying, or a heart with thorns in it or knives in it or a broken heart. This is all just so confusing to me. My oldest son (age 19) is very well adjusted, loving kid. They are as different as night and day. I think my son picked better friends, though. My daughter is into the Emo look and likes the Japanese anime. It seems a lot of the kids are into this. I don't mind as long as she doesn't go too overboard. You're right, though. I think high school is a lot harder than when I was in school. In her last school the kids were just so mean! I had never seen such meaness! And I was afraid my daughter had hardened herself somewhat because of all of this. I miss the sweet little girl she used to be. Sometimes you still see it in her. I blame myself so much. I wanted to pull her out in 6th grade when I saw she was being bullied and home school her, but everyone talked me out of it, her teachers, everyone.They said she'd just have that anywhere and she needed to learn to stick up for herself. I should have just listened to my gut instinct. Instead I waited until I saw a frightening change in her in this last year before I realized how serious things were. She is such a follower! I think if she hadn't have met some of these kids, things would have been so different. Like I said, she's better and I'm hoping this new school will be a fresh start for her. She's acting happier. I just pray a lot! Can you give me any advice or hope for her future? And how I can get through this? Thanks. Sometimes I just feel like it's one day at a time. I keep hoping with age and maturity, she'll grow out of a lot of this. Let me know what you think.
If you want to email me instead of here it's swlemongrass at yahoo dot com.
I tried to get her to talk to an older college girl who used to be a cutter and she turned her life around when she found God. My daughter refused to talk to her. She says she doesn't have a problem and that she's over it. She's better but not completely over it. Now all of a sudden, she's showing the cuts more and saying people should just accept her the way she is and not judge her. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I feel like she's throwing it in people's faces and challenging them to either accept her or not. She says her new school accepts her and have seen her cuts. I'm glad but yet not sure if this means she's saying this is ok? Because this is not ok. I worry about her state of mind sometimes. I know kids do dumb things but she's drawn some pretty scary, dark, sad pictures. She's actually quite talented, I just wish she'd draw some more positive things. She's drawn things like a girl sitting all alone in a dark room, crying, or a heart with thorns in it or knives in it or a broken heart. This is all just so confusing to me. My oldest son (age 19) is very well adjusted, loving kid. They are as different as night and day. I think my son picked better friends, though. My daughter is into the Emo look and likes the Japanese anime. It seems a lot of the kids are into this. I don't mind as long as she doesn't go too overboard. You're right, though. I think high school is a lot harder than when I was in school. In her last school the kids were just so mean! I had never seen such meaness! And I was afraid my daughter had hardened herself somewhat because of all of this. I miss the sweet little girl she used to be. Sometimes you still see it in her. I blame myself so much. I wanted to pull her out in 6th grade when I saw she was being bullied and home school her, but everyone talked me out of it, her teachers, everyone.They said she'd just have that anywhere and she needed to learn to stick up for herself. I should have just listened to my gut instinct. Instead I waited until I saw a frightening change in her in this last year before I realized how serious things were. She is such a follower! I think if she hadn't have met some of these kids, things would have been so different. Like I said, she's better and I'm hoping this new school will be a fresh start for her. She's acting happier. I just pray a lot! Can you give me any advice or hope for her future? And how I can get through this? Thanks. Sometimes I just feel like it's one day at a time. I keep hoping with age and maturity, she'll grow out of a lot of this. Let me know what you think.
If you want to email me instead of here it's swlemongrass at yahoo dot com.
It is important that you try not to let your daughter hang out with girls that are also doing this. The other thing to realize is it is very very dangerous because people have died because they cut too deep or the wrong place.
The most important thing you need to know is it isn't you, just like I always told my mother it wasn't her.
I am 29 and I remember how hard high school was and how much you want to fit in, and girls will do anything to do so.
But I have a brother who graduated two years ago from high school, and I'll tell you what things are horrible now compared to when I was there. Norm for kids these days is smoking weed. Weed is the new cigarette for people in high school. The other thing I learned about was these rubber braclets that girls wear that are different colors, and they mean different sexual things. If a guy pulls one off then you have to do that to them.
Cutters make sure that none of their cuts show when they have clothes on.
I really do feel so sorry for your daughter, and I mean that with every bone in my body. I had a hard time in high school because I was about 125 pounds and had DDD size chest. Guys were very mean regarding this. I ended up switching high schools and having breast reduction when I was 18.
Cutters do so because they have no control over their lives, and this they have control over. It is a rush to them.
Your daughter really does need to stay away from girls that are doing it because it won't stop if she doesn't. Most cutters are ashamed of doing it and don't talk about it, but if she has friends that do it then she is able to talk about it. She may also be doing it to fit into a group.
I am almost in tears talking about this.
I have scars that I to this day will not wear shorts in public. The scars have faided away, and no one can see them but me, but it is in my head that they were there and people always commented about them.
Your daughter needs some control of her life, and this might help her. Never \degrade her for what she is doing because it will make her do it more.
She needs to talk to someone, but not a shrink. Can you find someone in your town, a young college girl that recovered from this to talk to her? That would be your best bet. She needs someone her age that she can relate to. There are usually organizations for this stuff all over.
Hurtful words from peers are the worst thing a child goes through. It seems like the end of their world.
Please understand that you even know about this means you are a GOOD MOTHER! Some mothers never find out. Your child doesn't want you to know so that you do know GOOD JOB!
The most important thing you need to know is it isn't you, just like I always told my mother it wasn't her.
I am 29 and I remember how hard high school was and how much you want to fit in, and girls will do anything to do so.
But I have a brother who graduated two years ago from high school, and I'll tell you what things are horrible now compared to when I was there. Norm for kids these days is smoking weed. Weed is the new cigarette for people in high school. The other thing I learned about was these rubber braclets that girls wear that are different colors, and they mean different sexual things. If a guy pulls one off then you have to do that to them.
Cutters make sure that none of their cuts show when they have clothes on.
I really do feel so sorry for your daughter, and I mean that with every bone in my body. I had a hard time in high school because I was about 125 pounds and had DDD size chest. Guys were very mean regarding this. I ended up switching high schools and having breast reduction when I was 18.
Cutters do so because they have no control over their lives, and this they have control over. It is a rush to them.
Your daughter really does need to stay away from girls that are doing it because it won't stop if she doesn't. Most cutters are ashamed of doing it and don't talk about it, but if she has friends that do it then she is able to talk about it. She may also be doing it to fit into a group.
I am almost in tears talking about this.
I have scars that I to this day will not wear shorts in public. The scars have faided away, and no one can see them but me, but it is in my head that they were there and people always commented about them.
Your daughter needs some control of her life, and this might help her. Never \degrade her for what she is doing because it will make her do it more.
She needs to talk to someone, but not a shrink. Can you find someone in your town, a young college girl that recovered from this to talk to her? That would be your best bet. She needs someone her age that she can relate to. There are usually organizations for this stuff all over.
Hurtful words from peers are the worst thing a child goes through. It seems like the end of their world.
Please understand that you even know about this means you are a GOOD MOTHER! Some mothers never find out. Your child doesn't want you to know so that you do know GOOD JOB!
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