Verbally abusive father

[Lidiya]

I just need help dealing with my verbally abusive father. He use to VERY VERY abusive to my mother Physically, emotionally, and verbally. I have seen and been through things most people couldn't survive. 10 years akter and all he does is yell and scream and curse. He yells and tell me I'm not his daughter and to never speak to him. He call's me and mom stupid. He calls my mother stupid and a *****. He is just a horrible man. He tella us that he hates us. He gets upset and throws thing, he flips tables over. I know hate is a strong word and it shouldn't be used lightly if at all. But when he is like this I hate him. I can remember more bad times with my father than good. Please if any one can give me tips I would appreciate it. And no sitting him down and telling him how mean he has been treating ud won't help we have tried he just ignores us aor gets upset and yells things at us.

[Cherie762]

I deal with verbal abuse, I can give you some good pointers. first off this may be hard to believe but I am betting the reason your Dad acts like he does is because of his own insecurities, abusive people usually dont like them selves.
I have develp]oped an ability to tune my husband out , never dissagree with your Dad when he is in a verbal tyrade, this will only add fuel to the fire and cause him to get physical.
I kill my husband with kindness, when you are really nice to someone who is abusive they just dont know how to handle it.
However you are a minor , so you need to help you #1 can you trust your school counsler? talk to them if yes,
#2 do you attend church, you could talk to your priest, pastor, whatever
#3 look in your local yellow pages under domestic abuse, there are usually hotlines, there are wonderful support groups that could help you , itis very theraputic to talk to others in the same situation as you.
#4 this cycle of abuse tends to be repetative. Run dont walk if any boyfriend ever treats you verbally abusive, if any boyfriend ever hits you call the police. NEVER put up with this.
#5 you are in my prayers, honey you can send me a note anytime you need to talk to some one I will do my best to give you good advice
#6 NONE of this is your fault.

Cherie

[jo929]

I really do not know your age, if you are a minor,do you have sisters or brothers, you do know that your Mom does not have to take this abuse, she can always call a shelter, and get some help, also sometimes kindness does not work, i have seen this happen many times in my line of work, i guess you have tried getting him to go to a counsler, he appears to be the type that will never change and is controlling and so why does Mom put up with it? i agree that you should seek some help for yourself like Cherie mentioned also Mom needs to seek help to get away, also if i were you, and he gets physically abusive go somewhere and call the police, and they will take it in hand, he may get so bad that he will really hurt someone someday, and it could get worse, so do something now  lots luck  jo if you need someone to talk to po me do not wait until he kills someone

[Cherie762]

Ok your not a minor all of my advice still applies except for the school thing, would your Mom go to a support group with you?? Verbal abuse is so damaging,,,,,it may or may not escalate into physical abuse,,,best of luck to you...Cherie

[RockRose]

Lidiya, this is your mother's choice to live like this,  and if you're an adult,  it's your choice too.

If you want to choose not to live like this,  you'd feel much better and live a fuller healthier life.  But don't expect your mother to want to change - don't view yourselves as a package deal.

For whatever reason,  she's where she wants to be.  Don't make this where you want to be too.

[margypops]

Definatly you should leave or you are the doing the same as your Mom , unless she can stand up to him, many years ago I was faced with a similar situation, and was putting up with it too timidly I may add, one day it went to far and I gave him it back as loudly as I could and told him I was calling the Police and made sure all the neighbours heard me not him, as it usually was, I said I will call the Police, your Boss and your Family if you ever hit me again, he was taken abback at me finally after years of timidity, and believing I should stay, standing up to him. He never went for me again ,I think I had finally shouted and made myself clear to a bully, he is sometimes verbally abusive now and I really shouldnt be here ,but it isnt as bad as it was.However.... To be perectly honest I do believe that any Woman going through that should  get the Guts up to leave , I still wish I had.