Was it date rape?

[Hello_Kitty]

When I was sixteen I was dating a seventeen year old I'll just refer to as "BK". We had been dating for about four maybe five months. One day he asked to have anal sex. I said no right off the bat, but he kept asking and then started telling me that I owed it to him and started using guilt trips on me. So I finally said I would try even though I really, really didn't want to.

As soon as he started I said "no, stop it hurts", he didn't pull out but he did stop pushing in. Then he said in a very annoyed voice "I'm barely even in you". So I said I'd try and continue. He went in even deeper and I didn't say anything, trying to handle the pain and hold back tears. But once he was all the way in I said "No I really want you to stop it really hurts". He said again very annoyed "I've hardly even started". I replied "okay", but the pain got worse and then I said "BK it really hurts, I want to stop". BK Then said rather frustrated with me "Just let me finish, just let me finish". So I just said "okay" I then stopped saying anything back, I closed my eyes tightly and clenched my teeth trying to focus on my teeth and not the pain. Silently crying I let him finish.

But the thing is, I agreed to have anal sex in the first place and though I asked him to stop, I let him persuade me into later saying okay.I didn't raise my voice, I didn't yell, I didn't physically try to get away. I was passive the whole time. I could have continued to say no, but I didn't. And worst of all I just kept saying "okay" or "alright" even though all I wanted was for it to stop. I never even wanted it to happen in the first place. Also he has no idea that I cried, I didn't make any sound and I wiped away the few tears before he ever saw my face.

So could that even count as rape? I guess I did give consent, but I didn't want to give consent. He got me to do something I really didn't want to do and he knew that, he knew I wanted him to stop and he knew he was hurting me but I said okay. I just never knew what to make of it all, I still don't.

[JWest94]

I don't think this was rape but it was really messed up of him to do that to you.

I think that you need to have a little more self confidence and if you don't want to do something you need to be able to say "NO" and let the person know you mean it. Maybe some counseling or just talking to a trusted adult would help you build some of the strength that you need for these types of situations. It isn't easy to tell someone know when you have feelings for them and want to do things that make them happy, but you shouldn't have to put yourself through unwanted pain just to do so.

[baby2014]

I agree with adjoin 100% she said no a number of times and he did victimize her by continuing to coerce her into something she clearly didn't want to do. No means no period don't beg or make someone feel guilty. She said stop and he forced her to say yes. He raped her!

[Ashdub07]

Yes, that IS date rape. You said no until he coerced you to submit to him. You were victimized and you should've taken that ******* to court. Shame on everyone saying she gave him permission. No means no. Don't blame the victim.

[helene31]

I was a victim of anal rape too.the doctors said im ok but I dont feel well in the aerea.I feel sensitive

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so sorry that this louse was in your life, and I'm glad that you turned it around for yourself and now are only with real men. It shows how important it is to get the message across to kids to never ever be swayed by peer pressure, in sex, and in life. You're a young adult now, and time will help to heal this terrible experience. Maybe you should talk to a professional about this so that it doesn't stew and affect your new healthy relationships in any way? Thank God you are safe now!! God Bless You.

[shay000]

oh one more thang, youll die trying to protect her.  i do. shes only 3. im such a freak.  but i will protect her. thanku for sharing your storey. you should pray for BK. what comes around goes around

[shay000]

Some people say they wish they could turn back the hands of being a child agian. But they too probably have things they wish they could take back. when your blessed with a lil girl like me, youll see its not worth going back. take care lil one

[specialmom]

I agree with allmymarbles.  I'm sorry this happened but you learned that you want to be with a man that respects what makes you feel good as well.  good luck dear

[allmymarbles]

The guy may have been a louse, but he was a louse with your permission. You have learned a valuable lesson and can now say goodbye to the past.

[Hello_Kitty]

Yes, I truly am grateful that he's gone now. BK was actually the first of two bad apples in my life. But after being with BK and then falling for a junkie, I knew I wanted better for myself. I didn't want boys like that to become a pattern in my life. Today I have a very good judge of character, and the men I allow in my romance life treat me with nothing but respect. You're right, I most definitely took a lesson with me, maybe not right away but in time it all sunk in.
Thank you very much, I'm happy to now have some clarity on that event.

[nursegirl6572]

Thank GOD that's in your past.

No, it wouldn't be rape...he basically kept talking you out of saying "no".  Rape would be to take you by force,  totally ignoring any pleas coming from you.  It was definitely insensitive, but not out of the realm of a couple trying something new.  He stopped each time along the way, and coaxed you into trying some more.

If anything...you can take away a lesson from this...never let anyone talk you into doing things you really don't want to.  Be grateful every day that he's out of your life...sounds like a total jerk.

[Hello_Kitty]

I tried to break up with him but he just laughed at me and then said things that made me fear being blackmailed. I ended up staying with him until he dumped me. He spread horrible lies about me until I dropped out of school for the rest of the year. But at least it's all long over now.
I was always too embarrassed by what happened to talk about it, so it's nice to finally get some input on what happened. Thank you.

[RockRose]

No,  that's not rape,  that's what you call a "cad",  and I hope you didn't see him after that.

[margypops]

I think you will need expert legal advice on this one I would only be hazarding an opinion and it would be ..never do something you know is not nice, not healthy and will hurt a lot ...