fear of being alone ....

[whitecat78]

    I think my anxiety/depression problem stems around my relationship with my boyfriend.  I am starting to think he is bi-polar.  He verbally abuses me on a regular basis.  He makes me feel so low, I cry for a couple days after a fight. He is successful, intelligent, eccentric and makes a lot of money.  He has called me a idiot, loser, crazy and that I have to "earn his respect" whenever I try and defend myself he gets in this rage and the insults start.  Here is a example of a argument.... we recently got a new Mainecoon kitten, I was trying to get him to look at him play, my boyfriend roles his eyes says he is "too busy" because he is getting ready for Burning Man may I add  "at the last minute", then I get upset and confront him about it, then he goes into this rampant rage. He grabs my arm so hard it made a bruise and then he knocks his knuckles on my head.  He blames me for everything, if something goes wrong its my fault. May I add I have never insulted him once. Later when he calms down he seems to regret what he did and he starts being very nice.  He is also very hyper sexual, I am started to think he is just using me as a object. He also wants to be high on some kind of drug all the time.
    I am just so confused, I hate living at home with my parents, I don't meet or connect with people easily, the only kind of people I seem to connect with are ones with mental or emotional problems, its like I would rather be abused by my boyfriend than move back home and be stuck in my room alone.

[kenneltech]

Don't be too hard on yourself, I particularly don't like people, period!  I become very irritated with them, myself.  Now, if you're becoming psychotic, you really should seek some sort of help because that's taking it a little far.......you can have the feelings, just don't act upon them.

As far as your ex is concerned, I'd probably get psychotic anyway just because of what he has done to you.  

The needy part is one that you need to put in perspective.  You don't have enough money for exactly what?  I mean, can you live on what you make?  I mean, without new shoes and shopping a lot?  Can you cover the basics like rent and food?  If so, isn't it worth it to get out and experience life without some idiot pounding on you and being at your parents house?  I know it would only be for awhile, things happen.  You get raises, find better jobs, maybe be a little more selective and find someone wonderful.......you never know!

Anyway, don't take the needy part as a put down, we're all needy in one way or another.

[whitecat78]

yeah, you are right i am "needy" .  I wouldn't be needy if i made enough money and was able to interact with people.   Its not that i just don't connect with people, its that i am also detached.  like i am there but i am not, this is how i feel when i am around most people, then I start getting extremely irritable and sometimes this psychotic feeling.

[kenneltech]

The reason you "hook up" with mentals or abusers is because you are needy and it shows.  When women act needy, they attract the kind of man that is controlling.  He may think his intentions are good, but he wants to control everything about you.  You need to take a stand, get the hell out of there and don't look back.  Then, go home to your parents, but only for a while until you can get a job and get out on your own.  You are not the ONLY person that doesn't connect with others very well, so you won't stand out in the crowd.  Maybe if you gain some self respect and some independence, you will start to shine and start meeting people.

[teko]

Good for you girl! And check back and let us know how its going too k? I think you are absolutely doing the right thing! Good luck and much happiness!

[whitecat78]

Thanks everyone for the advice and support, I have all my stuff packed and I am moving back home, I enrolled in a mixed media painting class at the jr college. That is something to look forward too.

[teko]

Why is he still your boyfriend? Take your power back girl! I understand you not wanting to live with your parents but it cannot be as bad as your current situation. You are not his dog! You need to find out what it is that attracts you to nothing but bad boys and hopefully before someone hurts you really bad.

[xxalliechicxx]

I might be young but, NO ONE has the right to be abused! Oh, and what margypops said!!!

[margypops]

He is abusive and it wont get better, being alone is not that hard its a lot better than being demeaned and belittled and used. Its your life there are guys out there who do not behave like this, better be alone for a while the spend it in disrespect....then someone great may come along who respects you ...