question.

[breakthrough]

I just ended my one year abusive relationship with my boyfriend. I had always thought of myself as a caring, compassionate, and kind individual. However, i started to hit him back and lash out at him the way he would to me. He said whenever he hit me or yelled obscene things its because i egged him on and deserved it, but he got to know my triggers so well and made me lash out.  He was a recovering heroin and crack addict and i stayed behind him. However, he still drank excessively and was extremely moody. His mother and old doctor suspected borderline personality which made him a master manipulator. I moved out of my house and was at his beck and call. I barely saw friends. My life was work and trying to please him. For the six months i lived with him, i saw my mother probably three times.
Our breakup was nasty, he demeaned me in front of my cousins boyfriend, calling me a fat **** (i'm 125 pounds and 5'5, not fat, i finally believe im not fat) so i packed stuff up and went to my cousins. My cousins boyfriend stayed, they drank two bottles of whiskey, and got a hooker. when i confronted him on it, he slapped me across the face, so i hit him. he punched me and yelled and bruised my face, ribs, and gave me a concussion. He said he wasnt thinking straight, he was drunk, and he was ashamed, but i am so done with the violence that kept escalting.
what i need to know is.. am i just as bad as him for hitting him ? for reacting when he wanted me to?

[breakthrough]

Thank you very much. My mother hooked me up with someone to talk to, thank god for her benefits haha! I am feeling a bit better, the shock is wearing away, but i definately want to be able to have healthy relationships in the future.

[RockRose]

I don't know why we need to decide who behaved worse.  I think what you need to do now is shake this phase of your life off you and go on to form healthy relationships.

If you find yourself drawn to him again,  or can't seem to be able to have a healthy positive relationship in the future,  definitely seek counseling.

You're blaming him for beating you up and blaming him for causing you to hit him.  You're not seeing this completely clearly at this point - that there was something  very "off" within you that made you engage in that kind of relationship.  

So yes,  counseling might be in your future - to fix yourself,  because you weren't healthy going into this.

Best wishes,  and good job getting out.  Prayers you stay away from him.

[jo929]

No you are not as bad as he is, and never will be, if you had the good sense to leave, never go back to something like that again,. as far as hitting him, you were probably so fed up, that you just acted, to protect yourself why dont you go to group therapy there are lots of people that have ben abused like this, and i know they will say as i do ,please do not go near him again,. or you may not live to tell about it, do not take his calls just tell someone that if he asks that you think he needs help. but please do not let him sucker you back in that mess,you will ruin yuour life, my daughter was in an abusive relationship, and it was bad move on with your life, you are young  lots luck  jo

[breakthrough]

i just really need support. should i seek professional help and urge him to do the same?
My family and his family all called me saying the same things "hes screwed up, you deserve better, you're young (im 19), do NOT go back to him"