is this abuse

Got question other day my fiancée n I was I thought having a heart to heart when we started fighting he said we were done n wanted to leave I told him to hear me out first he took me by my arms n shook the **** out of me later said he wanted to throw me out the window n said he thinks our fights would just get worse n that its my fault that I make him do things like that

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I think any type of violence of physical aggression to a partner is a deal breaker for the relationship.  Yes, his shaking you and then blaming you for it is abusive.  His following it up by saying he'd wanted to do even worse to you is not encouraging.  I would be done with him.  

You risk your safety to be with him from here on out.  You are aware of his temper and in my opinion, should act on this knowledge and not ignore this crucial red flag.  He's not a safe guy to have in your life.

Move on and raise your bar higher for the men in your life and don't put up with this kind of behavior.  good luck

[rosey3216]

Shaking you, threatening you, and then saying it is your fault that he behaves this way, is definitely abuse. I would either get him professional help immediately, if he doesn't agree to it then I would leave. Sorry hun..

[misscutie1]

Thanks everyone I asked him to get checked for bi polar n he said he wont that if anyone needs checked said that its me oh n I can't have a heart to heart cuz he thinks I'm trying to argue n it leads to fights

[Life360]

Hi Miss cutie, the legal term for this is assault and battery/domestic violance and could be considered a felony in some juristictions. No one has the right to put their hands on you.
These things start small but once the assaulting is not stopped it tends to get more violent later.
Just a little of my experience with heart to hearts. If these conversations are not thought out in detail by both parties then arguments can occur. If you have something to talk to him about, youve had time to thing about what your going to say and you owe it to your partner to think about it before the topic comes up. Maybe next time give him a little heads up what you want to talk about as you dont want to put him on the spot.
Sometimes couples dont understand fully about relationships. You have 2 completely different people from different backgrounds and child hood experiences trying to live as one person. Patience and understanding this is crucial to developing harmony in the future.

[Nighthawk61]

From my experience, this type of behavior only gets worse. It's a waste of time to try and make things work with a person who is in denial about there being a problem, I'm afraid. I know it's hard to move on, because of the fear of he unknown, but you have to give yourself a chance to find a good man, and be happy for the rest of your life. You owe yourself that, right? Get out before you're stuck with this immaturity for a lifetime (with kids) and count yourself lucky that he showed his true colors before you had kids. It could be alot worse, you could be having to prove that your husband is abusive to your young children on supervised visits. That would be far worse than anything you've ever experienced yourself. He won't get help? Screw him.

[Nighthawk61]

oops "abusive to your young children on UN supervised visits". It is really important to always charge a person who makes these kinds of threats, because it makes it really hard for them to escalate these behaviors when the authorities have the heads up on them. I never charged my first husband for the abuse, but had I he would have thought twice about abusing his next wife, which he did.

[misscutie1]

Thank you everyone for the comments

[specialmom]

miscutie, you sound like you are grasping that this is not a healthy situation dear.  Be brave and take yourself out of it before it progresses any further.  peace and luck to you

[Nighthawk61]

also, please keep in mind that he's telling you what you have to look forward to, at least he's honest, but his kind of honesty you can do without right?

[PassinThru]

You are not still planning to marry him, are you?

[misscutie1]

No I am not

[Seu694]

LEAVE. NOW. Not worth it. Period.

[crissy2389]

Im 24wks pregnant im still with my baby daddy...e tells me he will get sex from me no matter wat...theres been time he wud get high and he forces his self on me....its crazy cuz i never thought he would do something like this...but i hope he never does it again....