Since I was around 2 I lived with my father... when I was about 4 I started getting visitation righys with my mother.... I have an older sister and 2 younger. When I would go to her house she would bath with me, fondling me became a regular habit then when n I was 7 it got worse...she forced me toto lick her and touch her,my older sister then began pulling my inside her room and doing it aswelll. I would go home to my dads and cry for awhile. Ofcourae i didnt know what all of this trleu mentvery suicidal and started xutting myself at 13 and thats when my dad knew something was wrong. I had wriiteen a up until i was around 11. Ibecame
Okay the end doesn't make sense. I is mentioned to say...I didn't know what all this meant till I was around 11. I started writing a diary and became very suicisale at 13.
then my dash knew something was wrong. One day at school he was advised by my teacher to look throughmy room for any signs and found my diary....I review 4 years of concoullingcooling and was fine up until I recently found out I was pregnant. I wake up at night standing out of bed screaming and crying and have gotten very depressed again.... help!
I am very sorry this happened to you. Was your mother ever prosecuted for what she did to you?
Probably being pregnant has brought up all the old trauma again. Please see a counselor again, you will need it if you want to be a good mother. If you don't feel you can (be a good mom), talk to the counselor about adoption. Better a child who goes to a loving family that is yearning for one, than a child with a mother who has deep unsolved trauma.
What happened to you is so unfair, I cannot think of worse than an adult harming a child. Please reach out for help.
Given that you do, let that be the engine that drives your healing. It will take effort, see your counselor and work, work, work. Don't turn away from that important resource. People tend to hope things will just get better, but you've been really traumatized in the worst way, and deserve assistance. Take care, and good luck.
I am terribly sorry for this ordeal that you went through, truly it was a traumatizing experience.
I am happy to hear that you intend to be a better mom than the one you had and I have no doubt you will do so. However, you need to get healthy for your sake and the sake of your child. Sometimes our past helps to shape our futures in the worse way as we end up depressed as a result of what went through. We are all human beings and when something as horrible as this happens to us, we pick up some unhealthy practises.
Please see a psychologist to help you through and to help you get to a place that is comfortable and content for both you and your baby.
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