I am 30 years old, and my mother is 66. She has temper tantrums like she is 4. She throws things, and flies off the handle over things that aren't worth wasting energy on. She has absolutely no tolerance for stress. I am so tired of her behavior, and when I tell her I can't stand it, she says she "doesn't give a s*#%". This behaviour has been going on for years, and has gotten worse since my father passed away 7 years ago. She does not have good relationships with her sisters, both of which are younger than her and seem to get along much better when my mother is not involved. Also, she had an unstable childhood with her parents. From what I have learned through others, it sounds like my grandmother (who I never knew), was controlled and manipulated by my grandfather. Traits which I believe she has inherited.
I understand that these things have a lasting affect on a person, however, I am so fed up with her I am thinking of cutting her completely out of my life. It seems the longer I am away from her the happier I feel because I am not exposed to her mood swings and out of control temper. I need to figure out a way to get her to stop this behaviour becuase it would be nice to have a normal relationship with my mom, but it seems impossible to get her to change. If my father were here today to see the way she acts, he would be appalled. He was a very level headed, intelligent person who had very little tolerance for my mother’s meltdowns. I will be going to a counselor to ask what I should do, because I can’t deal with her much longer. She treats me poorly, and always has. She is manipulative, tries to control me (with little success), criticizes me and anyone I associate with, and is constantly putting me on guilt trips for her own misfortunes. She claims that she would never be jealous of me, but it seems like she is. I have a great job, good friends and boyfriend, none of which she has. She also has struggled with her weight for years, which is something I can't relate to. She told me that I would become a "fatass" once I turned 23 because that's when she started to gain weight, but it didn't happen. I told my father when I was a teenager that my mother said she would never be jealous of me, but he said that she wasn’t telling the truth. Another thing that bothers her is that since my father and I had a much better relationship than we ever had, she is jealous of that and doesn't know how to cope with it, so she lashes out at me to make herself feel better. I have done research on emotionally abusive mothers, and she fits the description to a tee.
Anyway, I am writing this to get a response from someone who is not involved, and someone who may possibly have some insight as to what I should do to resolve the problem before I just give up.