Aa
tired of hiding, too scared to seek help
I was sexually abused when i was ten years old by a boy a little older, i'm now eighteen. I really need to get this off my chest and talk to someone about this. It's hard for me to go into detail and i'm scared of talking to a professional face to face. My mum had noticed i was acting different and asked if i had been abused and i just nodded. Since then, it seems, she tries her hardest to pretend it didn't happen. I understand as no-one wants to hear it about their daughter. I approached her one day a few months ago asking for some advice because i was feeling lost and confused, she says there's nothing she can do. The images play in my mind like a broken record and never leave me. It tourchers me. I watch tv and the smallest things will remind me. I find it hard to show my partner affection and have sex without thinking this is just like being touched before. I want to move on a forget about it, even though i know it'll never go away, not properly. I feel uncomfortable when left alone with a man in a room, even my partners dad. I panic when the door closes. I feel so embarrassed. Thank you for reading.
Your fear is probably as simple as feeling weak. Even though it was a long time ago, you don't feel safe because you worry it could happen again at anytime. Learn to fight. I know it sounds simple or even stupid, but the exercise and feeling more self assured will probably take away the feelings of being afraid.
As for the intimacy issues with your partner, i'm sure it will fade in time. And you probably have scenerios in your mind of getting your abuser back for what he did which is normal. But either confront him or be done with it. The constant thinking about it is a waste of your time and energy.
And once you're in control, you'll realize that intimacy is a choice, something good, not something a man does to you but with you. The reality of all of this is that it's easy to say, but hard to do.
I'll ask you two questions and blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind:
1) how often do you think about being abused ?
2) when are you going to give yourself a break ?
Peace be to you
As for the intimacy issues with your partner, i'm sure it will fade in time. And you probably have scenerios in your mind of getting your abuser back for what he did which is normal. But either confront him or be done with it. The constant thinking about it is a waste of your time and energy.
And once you're in control, you'll realize that intimacy is a choice, something good, not something a man does to you but with you. The reality of all of this is that it's easy to say, but hard to do.
I'll ask you two questions and blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind:
1) how often do you think about being abused ?
2) when are you going to give yourself a break ?
Peace be to you
I know how hard it is to get help, I think all of us who have been through this have/had the same feelings that you do. How can I talk to someone face to face about what happened?
I understand why your so afraid. I avoided going back to therapy for years making up excuses that didn't even make sense but I was so desperate not to talk about it that in my head they made all the sense in the world.
When we get so scared of having to face what we don't want to well do anything to avoid it and we end up hurting ourselves more trying to fight against everything that's going on inside of us.
I can't tell you the things I've done to myself and the people around me trying to avoid going to talk to someone. I used to sit in my old therapists office and say no, nothing ever happened to me. Over and over again. And things just kept getting worse.
And then one day when I finally went back. It came pouring out. It was hard. I kept telling myself to stop talking, but I couldn't. Afterwards I felt alot of things. But the one thing I remember feeling was relief. Relief that I didn't have to carry this by myself anymore and relief that someone was going to help me.
It hasn't been easy, I won't pretend it has. But I've realized dealing with it not matter how bad a day can get sometimes beats holding it all inside and feling like any minute now I'm going to lose control because I hurt so badly inside and had no where to turn.
Therapy, can be the greatest tool you can have along with a good support system like being here with people who understand how you feel and what your going through.
You get to control your therapy. You talk about what you want to and don't talk about what you feel your not ready for yet.
And you get to talk to someone that will never judge you, and cares about how your feeling and your healing process.
But again it's not easy. And I'm just starting my healing process and have barely gotten my foot in the door because I kept going in and out in and out. But I know that when I need someone, they're there for me I don't have to hide inside myself anymore. And I know whatever I say I won't be judged for.
No one can make you get help. And we can beg you all day and night. But if there's even a little part of you that thinks you can make that appointment then get intouch with that and without thinking just pick up teh phone and make an appointment with someone to talk to.
You are in charge of your own treatment. And you can go and not say anything if you don't want to. You can talk about the weather...You can stay for 15 minutes and then leave.
Your in control and you call the shots.
You don't even have to tell the therapist your there to talk about what happnned. You can start with your family, or your job if you work.
Now I am begging aren't I??
I'll stop. You can do it. You were so brave to come here even though you don't have to look us in the eye. But it takes alot to make the post you did.
You have the strength, you just need to find it and use it and just tell yourself your just going to see what happens.
Lots of Hugs, Amph
I understand why your so afraid. I avoided going back to therapy for years making up excuses that didn't even make sense but I was so desperate not to talk about it that in my head they made all the sense in the world.
When we get so scared of having to face what we don't want to well do anything to avoid it and we end up hurting ourselves more trying to fight against everything that's going on inside of us.
I can't tell you the things I've done to myself and the people around me trying to avoid going to talk to someone. I used to sit in my old therapists office and say no, nothing ever happened to me. Over and over again. And things just kept getting worse.
And then one day when I finally went back. It came pouring out. It was hard. I kept telling myself to stop talking, but I couldn't. Afterwards I felt alot of things. But the one thing I remember feeling was relief. Relief that I didn't have to carry this by myself anymore and relief that someone was going to help me.
It hasn't been easy, I won't pretend it has. But I've realized dealing with it not matter how bad a day can get sometimes beats holding it all inside and feling like any minute now I'm going to lose control because I hurt so badly inside and had no where to turn.
Therapy, can be the greatest tool you can have along with a good support system like being here with people who understand how you feel and what your going through.
You get to control your therapy. You talk about what you want to and don't talk about what you feel your not ready for yet.
And you get to talk to someone that will never judge you, and cares about how your feeling and your healing process.
But again it's not easy. And I'm just starting my healing process and have barely gotten my foot in the door because I kept going in and out in and out. But I know that when I need someone, they're there for me I don't have to hide inside myself anymore. And I know whatever I say I won't be judged for.
No one can make you get help. And we can beg you all day and night. But if there's even a little part of you that thinks you can make that appointment then get intouch with that and without thinking just pick up teh phone and make an appointment with someone to talk to.
You are in charge of your own treatment. And you can go and not say anything if you don't want to. You can talk about the weather...You can stay for 15 minutes and then leave.
Your in control and you call the shots.
You don't even have to tell the therapist your there to talk about what happnned. You can start with your family, or your job if you work.
Now I am begging aren't I??
I'll stop. You can do it. You were so brave to come here even though you don't have to look us in the eye. But it takes alot to make the post you did.
You have the strength, you just need to find it and use it and just tell yourself your just going to see what happens.
Lots of Hugs, Amph
Please seek help from a counselor who is trained in the field of sexual abuse. This will haunt you the rest of your life if u don't heal from the inside out. If you'd like to read, or better yet, have your parents read what happens in the lives of girls abused at young ages, please read my journal entry and/or my entries in this forum. I also have entries in the Addiction: Substance Abuse and Relationships forums. We have watched our daughter spiral downward since her rape at 12 yr old. She is now 24. She has repeatedly involved herself with drugs and abusive relationships. Please seek help, please, please. I wish there was something more I could do for you.
From a very concerned & sad mom,
Gayle
From a very concerned & sad mom,
Gayle
I was molested 3 times by 3 different people, you need to get help. I know that you don't want to get professional counseling, but it really helped me to start the healing. I have gotten counseling more than once, by law, they cannot talk about the details of your ordeal, and really, talking to someone who does not know you will help a lot. There is just a discomfort about talking with people that you do know about this sort of thing, but when you talk to a professional who does not know you (and he/she will not judge you either) you will be amazed at all of the stuff that comes out.
Once you come to the realization that you did nothing wrong and that the abuse was not your fault (which is a major milestone in my opinion) that is when the healing will start. I don't know if anyone will ever fully recover from abuse of any kind, for me, there is always a certain amount of paranoia regarding men in general, but at least I can live with myself now.
Good luck to you!
Once you come to the realization that you did nothing wrong and that the abuse was not your fault (which is a major milestone in my opinion) that is when the healing will start. I don't know if anyone will ever fully recover from abuse of any kind, for me, there is always a certain amount of paranoia regarding men in general, but at least I can live with myself now.
Good luck to you!
Don't ever be afraid, you did nothing wrong. Getting help is the biggest, hardest step! But once you're there, you're gonna feel so much better, knowing that there are other people like you who have been in similar situations. Surviving the ordeal is something big. And honey, you're a survivor. I too was abused for 14 years, by a family member. It has been a big struggle for me, and I have been through the wringer. If I can offer you any comfort, or advice, please feel free to message me. The trauma leaves so many different scars, and you are most definitely, not alone.
Best wishes,
Meli
Best wishes,
Meli
Don't ever be afraid, you did nothing wrong. Getting help is the biggest, hardest step! But once you're there, you're gonna feel so much better, knowing that there are other people like you who have been in similar situations. Surviving the ordeal is something big. And honey, you're a survivor. I too was abused for 14 years, by a family member. It has been a big struggle for me, and I have been through the wringer. If I can offer you any comfort, or advice, please feel free to message me. The trauma leaves so many different scars, and you are most definitely, not alone.
Best wishes,
Meli
Best wishes,
Meli
Well your at the right place...there's sooo many people here that have been in the same or similar situations as yourself....talking about your abuse is the only way to heal yourself from all the bottled up pain you have inside.....I was abused as a child too...not sexually but physically and emotionally...now everytime someone even raises thier voice I shrivel up into a little ball...I hate it! Does your partner understand whats going on?? Are you confertable enough to talk to him?? I'm so sorry you feel this way..if you ever want to talk..I'm here:) Take care!!
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