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what can i do besides what he says
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what can i do besides what he says

My husband and i had a baby boy 2weeks ago and two days after he was born cps took him cuz i fauled my drug test. my husband usallay says one thing and does another he blames me and keeps being very abusive he calls me names says hurtful stuff tells me he will break my face if i speak without raising my hand he broke my jaw last sept for throwing a cd away its nuts now eithout our son i feel like what he says os right what can i do
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello -
I am deeply sorry about your son, but obviously you have some issues you need to come to terms with. I would suggest that you start attending NA (narcotic's anonymous) meetings. That would go a long way with the cps people - showing that you are going to regular meetings. It will point out to them that you are truly trying to get better!
As for your husband ... I am terribly sorry for what you are going through. I know what it is like- I was married to a man like that years ago. He never broke my jaw but he was a cruel person that heaped all of his anger and frustration on me. He only truly 'beat' me up one time, I knew that since he crossed that 'line' things would only get worse from there!  ... So I gathered up my three girls, three cabbage patch dolls and whatever I could fit in several suitcases, got on a bus and didn't look back!
I was able to raise my girls in a home where they didn't have to fear 'daddy's moods' any longer. It was tough but it was the best choice for us. I eventually met a man that didn't drink, didn't do drugs and accepted my girls. He is as wonderful today as the day I married him!
I can't tell you what to do sweetie ... everyone has their: 'I have had enough!' button, so to speak. Again, I'm sorry for all that you are going through but PLEASE go to NA meetings - even AA meeting will work in a pinch! You can atleast work on bettering yourself and your life! If you stick with meetings and give them a chance, they can work miracles as long as long as you take the time to work the program!
You will be in my thoughts and prayers ... feel free to message me if you would like! Take care!! :-)
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13167_tn?1327197724
As painful as this is,  it may be a good thing in the very long run that CPS took your baby.

At this point,  you can leave your abusive husband,  and take a clean break from him.  He has nothing whatsoever to hold over you - like so many men make women fear the man will get full custody if the woman leaves,  so they stay.

You need help,  and you need to get out.  Do you have family you can rely on?
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535822_tn?1389452880
Sorry its hurting , I do agree with the above posts and possibly I would say leave this man who is obviously abusive, begin a new life including rehabilitation and help with the drug use, I am sure CPS will look at your case when you are better.Good luck take that first step to recovery is there family may help you to start with ?..
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606340_tn?1371501412
  I'm so glad you found us here and are asking for help, that is the first step to a new life. The man is an abuser and believe me it will only get worse if you stay. Never let anyone treat you like that. You will soon start believing it. It's HIS problem not you! This happened for a reason, now you can get out and never look back. Then you can work on yourself and getting your precious baby back. You won't believe how much courage & strenght you will gain by leaving and saying "No I don't have to take being abused." Verbally or physically. I will have you in my prayers that you can change your life before you get your child back. Good luck to you.
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4228027_tn?1360084803
I just dont understand it at all. i do agree i cant be mad at anyone else but myself and they did it for a good reason it is just hard..i havent been thru anything like that but it now seems this is how my life has been going since i decided to use drugs its sick and the worst part of it is now being sober all this is alot more painful to deal with.
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4228027_tn?1360084803
Im scared to leave he will take everyrhing that i worked hard for
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4228027_tn?1360084803
My family wont talk to me after what happened and my dad abused my mom and so on so not really. but i pray everyday and night for strength
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4228027_tn?1360084803
Thank u so muxh for the positive and honesit support i didnt know this was out here i do also believe it happened for a reason its hard to know where to start
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4228027_tn?1360084803
it's so crazy because I'm starting to believe it. I use to be a very strong minded girl now my mind is completely messed up. and I don't get why I can just pick up and leave what is holding me back besides having nothing cause he will take everything
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there.  I really think your first step is working on staying clean from drugs.  That adds to the cloudy thinking you have.  NA is a great resource andd you should see what else is available in your area.  

While you may be finding it difficult to leave your 'things' behind .. .  think of the big picture.  You leave behind someone that hurts you, that takes a painful and difficult situation for you and makes it worse by holding it over your head, etc.  I'm sure he is part of your addiction cycle and problems you have had.

I would address any depression that you may have.  As it is almost always present when there is drug use and a home in which abuse is present.  I'd also want you to talk to someone about codependency.  You stayed with an abusive partner.  Not everyone would do that.  You need to sort out why you have been willing to.  What types of counseling could you find?  Through a church?  Through your local YWCA?  Any clinics available to you?  Look into where you can get help.  

But leave this man you must.  And work on not using drugs you must.  Follow whatever CPS puts in place including parenting classes, counseling sessions, etc.  Just do whatever they ask of you and  you may earn your rights back to your child.  

I wish you luck.  It is an uphill battle but you can win it if you persist.  peace
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4228027_tn?1360084803
Thank you so much for the great advice i dont understand how he can be like this right now he isnt even somonei feel like i know
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13167_tn?1327197724
wantourbabyback,  you mention a couple times that you can't leave because he will take "everything".  CPS already has taken your baby,  so he can't take him away from you.

What else does he have left to take?   Are a few material items really worth staying in this horrible situation?
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4228027_tn?1360084803
At the worst time ever i find out my husband cheated on me and then tonight beat me for getting mad and crying.. im fice mins away from doung something dumb ti myself im so worthless why do i deserve this
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3060903_tn?1390303996
Hi Want, i read your first post and you said absolutely nothing about your husband being abusive toward you (September 2012???). You have to "raise your hand before you speak"???

You obviously had to have gone to the emergency department at that time. And now, again he has abuse you physically honey. Call the police if he's harmed you. That would look very good to CPS because it will prove to them that you are going to protect you son. You're husband would have to go through some extensive anger management treatment, and first he would have to humble himself and admit he was "powerless".

Please think about your son and be logical. Firstly, your husband is your reason for doing drugs in the first place as far as a judge is concerned, because he broke your jaw, and made you raise your hand to speak. As far as I'm concerned, unless you get out of the relationship you might as well not get your son back. Your husband is going to use, and that will be a trigger for you to use. Your husband will verbally and emotionally abuse you, and that will be a trigger for you to use. Your husband will hit you, and that will be a trigger for you to use.

The 12 step program is good, but there's no miracle cure for you, if you insist on being in a totally demoralizing situation. Furthermore, if your husband is abusive to you, your son will end up being abusive to his wife. If your husband is abusive to you, he may well be abusive , physically emotionally, and verbally to your son. I don't know why you haven't talked about leaving this man??? You're talking about bringing your son "home" to THIS?

The first thing you need to do is woman up, here and now. First and foremost, please act like a mom, you're 27 years old now, you need to clean up your act and not allow yourself to be put in situations where your sobriety is at risk. Your husband is on your shoulder right now and he's telling you to use. Are you going to let him win this time, or not?
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