Been taking Vicodin and Norco

[lost_wife]

hi, I am 24, married and mother of a 10mo old.  I have been using pills on and off since I was 17 but nothing crazy. A year and a half ago right before I got pregnant I had been taking Ultram for two years. Described to me by a dr who said it was non-narcotic dream drug!!  well I don't know what it was but I woke up one day and decided I didn't want to take them anymore. I was in a new relationship (first one I've ever been %100 honest in) and didn't want them anymore.
  So after going through terrible withdrawals for almost 8 days I was done!!  thanks to this site chat room and people getting me through.   So, I ended up having a C-section and had to take percocet for the pain. It spiraled out of control from there.
My parents have a constant supply of pain pills all around their house, so I went from Percocet, to Darvocet, to Vicodin.  I got a Rx for Norco and have been taking two every 4 hours. I quit those and since Dec. 13th I've been taking Darvocet and Vicodin constantly.  
  My husband has been so supportive, stayed with me through all the Ultram stuff, gets me through all this but now is getting really sick of the yo-yo-ing.
  I pretty much hate myself and can't seem to get a hold of this.  Don't get me wrong, I definately enjoy taking pills, it gives me a schedule for my day, I'm always counting hours til my next pill, and when I think about the next day ahead I just think "oh well I have a pill to look forward to in the morning..."
  How did I get here?   Am I going to struggle with this forever?   My moments of weakness and strong want to stop come when I take to much or on an empty stomach and make myself super sick.  You would think that would make me stop but I can't
And have I mentioned the anxiety???    I wake up thinking: "oh my God here's the start of my withdrawals, I'll just take another pill and start tomorrow."    I don't want to lose my family, or my life.  Does anyone have ANY advice for me ??

[spankyone]

Good for you!!  You need someone to confide in.  I would find someone who has been through this so they understand what you are going through.  Your husband is probably not the best one for the job.  Find an addiction marriage counselor who can get both of you going in the right direction.  This third person in this addiction is very important.  You will need someone to take your side in some cases.  My husband does not understand addiction. he thinks it is lack of willpower.  If it were only that. Save your pills each day for the time the day is the worst.  Get up and tell your self you have to wait 10 minutes after you are up, showered, and dressed.  Then if you (and you will) get over the first 10, set another goal for your self.  Wait 10 minutes more etc.  Do not stare at the clock.  Find a project and get busy.  You can do this!!!

[tavia14]

How are you? Geez your story could be my story. We really are so much alike, meaning us drug addicts! I am really curious to know if you have slowed down on the pills? taken more? acquired help from a doc?  What to do? I am in the same friggin boat and want to quit sooooooo friggin bad! Arrgh. I guess we just need to do it! Maybe we pick a date and do it together? We could exchange numbers and be a support system? I don't know! I just know I want to quit and I NEED HELP! Thank you

[cathy499]

I am going through the same thing right now and it is so hard.  I'm also a mother and I know the guilt.  You are not alone.