Day 9 - fears and blessings and questions

[geting_better]

So I am on day 9 on Subutex - and really I am still trying to get the feel for how this drug affects me. I can't begin to describe how GREAT it feels to be off of opiates. The anxiety, the crancky and grumpyness and moodswings are all gone and I feel like I have me back. It is good to be back. I can see now exactly how awful I was when I was taking all those Vicodins - awful to my friends, awful to my family, to my coworkers. The list goes on...

But I can't shake this feeling that I have switched one drug for another. I began taking subutex for both addiction and pain management. And the side effects of the subutex - I wake up caked in sweat at 6am every morning. my morning dose makes me so wired that I don't drink coffee anymore (and I was a 10 year strabucks every single day addict). My driving is still a little off - i.e. I can't seem to drive a straight line, like I am drunk, but not...does anyone else feel like this? hence, I don't drive unless I have too. I have absolutely no appetite. and when I try to eat, it can hardly swallow my food. The evening dose, (4mg each dose) knocks me out. I am in bed and sleeping by 9:30. And my dreams....I am having nightmares. Anyone else experiencing any of this? I know the side effects are different for everybody...
And I am scared to do other things, like to have a drink with my friends. I am not a drinker, but you know, every now and then I like to have a drink maybe once a month, and I am scared to do that now.
I guess I am just full of fears....but they are outweighed by the blessing of feeling like I am me again.
And my biggest fear though is keeping me from doing what I love. I am a former runner...I used to run 5 miles a day before I became addicted to opiates. I want to get back out there and run, get back out there and get back into shape, and I am scared to do begin running again until these side effects subside or I can get the hang of all this. Or, should I just go for it? Get out there and run and see what happens?

Again, thanks for listening. I have no words to describe how absolutely helpful and wonderful you all on this forum are. It is nice to talk to people who understand - I know I have the support of my family - but they don't fully understand, and I am so greatful for this site, for all of you who listen and talk back.

[livingthelie]

i had a hyro problem for 10 years..i would take as many as my hand wold hold at one time.'Got the Picture?'..yeah i was pretty bad shape..tried to go cold turkey one time and i seriously that about taking my 38 and ending my pain..but i kept seeing my doughter face and thinking how she and my wife would deal with me taking the cowards way out...
so i found a sub doc...he was rigid on the intake visist..i had to be clean for 36 hours or no dice..let me tell you i was so sick..and i am a very strong man phyiscally and mentally but this had me beat down..long story short i made it clean for 3 days go to the doc and my 1st does..was better in 45 minutes..WONDER DRUG..and i still give it credit..BUT..you stil have a little check to write at the end of the ride..
my dosage was 16 mgs per day..i satyed here for 9 months...came down to 8mgs a day for a few months..came doen to 4 mgs per day for about a month,,cheatin just a little if i got to stressed out and felt llike i was falling off the wagon..but even the chaetin was scraping my front teeth off just a litte piece and it would ease me..then i stayed on 2 mg for 2 months until i ran out..i knew the day i would run out and i planedd for it..i ran out on october 21 and i took the rest of the week off vacation saved up..i had 5 days to deal with this before i had to go back to work....

i did take some ativan for the 1st few days for aniexty..got plenty of down time, listen to music that would get me pumped on suviavl .." i am sure you have that one song that gets your blood pumpin".i started taking a muti vitamin 1 week out from jumping..immodiom..hot baths, and try to stay occupied,,,this forum would be a great tool for you to occupy those down time hours..

day 7 was a key mark and day 14 was a big day..i guess beacuse the 1/2 life of sub....
the best advise i can give you is work your dose down to as low as possble ex:2mgs..and stay on this amount as long as possible...go lower if you can andf stay there as long as possible..what happens is your body is coming down slowly..less violently..and when you jump you do not has as far to fall...do not be fooled by this you will have some type of w/d..but nothing you can't handle trust me..nothing like i went thru on the hydro's..

the next thing is you have to be seriopus about jumping and staying clean..this means no sub stash around the house just in case you feel you have to bail 3 days in.....commit 100%,,get yourself down to the lowest mg possible and stabilize there.....

One last thing Don't be scared you are not alone..

ps...24th day clean off SUBOXONE...ran out October 21st 2007..today is November 14th 2007..looks like i will eat turkey this year "sober" for the 1st time in 10 years...lol

Love and peace.

Brian

[mestiza]

Hi, you said you were on suboxone 15 months?  So you are no longer on it?  Please maybe you can help me with a few questions.  How were the withdrawals from this stuff?  How did you do it...by tapering? I have been very concerned about this lately (not that i plan on stopping anytime soon), but i will eventually and would like to know what to expect.

[livingthelie]

please do not be fooled into the opiate free just yet...Buphreophrine (spl)..is advertised as being more potent then morphine itself for the time span 1/2 life..what makes Soboxone Work so well is that its an opitate combined with anti opiate that blocks the feeling of getting high..trust me when i was on SUBOXONE i got curious and tried a few perc...NO high..IT COMPLETLY did its job..
now i am no doctor but i think the Subutex is a different animal then Suboxone...Suboxone is not used for pain mamagement beacause of the opoid blocker it has in it ..it will not allow opiates to work its thing and can put you into immediate withdrawal if injected etc......now Subutex is prescribe for pain management...this is why i think you are having diffferent side effects than a soboxone patient..i know individuals are different..but i had the similiar symptoms as mestiza..i ate the house down..i was up 3 and 4 times a night eating ..almost like a pot smokers craving to eat...i was on this drug was 15 months and the drowiness went away..

do some research on the two drug names .i think you will find some differences in the two.

good luck.

Brian

[mestiza]

Hi there, my name is maria, i have been on suboxone for going on 7 weeks, and i dont have any of the symptoms you mentioned.  If anything i eat more, i havent had a full night sleep yet because i wake up hungry in the middle of the night! I'll eat but i'll be nodding while i'm eating(this only happens at night) because during the day i am going all day,doing my outpatient therapy groups, NA meetings then come home cook, clean, by then i'm exhausted and look forward to going to bed, but like i said i only sleep for a couple of hours then i"m up hungry again, i don't get up again though.  I have one bowl of cereal and try to call it a night, and i also felt like you about trading in one drug for another but of the two this is the lesser evil.  I at least have extra money to spend, i have my pills waiting in my drawer for when i wake up, i dont have to worry about having to go without when i cant find any morphine, or percocets or vicodin.  So for now i am okay.  I did just recently start worrying about i have to get off the suboxone, about the withrawals and i must admit i started getting discouraged but for now i am just going to view this as a temporary bridge to sobriety and i have a wonderful doctor, whom i know will help me when the time comes for me to taper off of this, but for today i am alot better off than i was two months ago.  I wonder if your dose is too high, have you mentioned your symptoms to your doc?