what does addiction mean to me?

[kimbo546]

Mental torture, Death of the spirit, me out to get me, severe pain and anxiety, isolation, loss of will to live physically, obsession,not remembering who I am or was, imprisoned within my own brain, falling out of love with things that were once important, questioning of ones insanity, The list goes on...these are a few thoughts of what addiction is to me.

[Lucky2bAlive]

BANKRUPTCY ;)

[livngr8ful]

I find that addiction was all of what has been posted.  But it has taken a dramatic change.  I have stepped away from the forum for a few weeks to look at my life outside of addiction.  I like that this question was asked, thanks Kim.  I have found that my addiction has given me more than I thought.  I thought after all my use was done Id be me, just mot loaded.  Truly Im a totally different person. So with that said addiction is very strong but can give you a strength you never thought possible. It has made a selfish person giving and helpful.  I took everything for granted  and I no longer do.  I would waste hours and days and months, now I savor every moment.  I have found the people they distanced themselves from me welcome me as a new friend.  I am stronger, more aware, more caring, and a simpler person. My core has not changed but my vision of life has.  I didnt have the before or during addiction. Now the world is beautiful and so is everyone in it. I have feelings..  Anger, resentment, love, even hate.  But I can confront them now with compassion and understanding.  I didnt like my addiction and nor did anyone else, but I dont think I would be me without it.  So I embrace it as a learning experience and as a very close friend. We have to interact with each other but we dont have to agree nor act on each others desires.  We will always be side by side to remind each other where we were and where we want to be.  It sounds stupid but I wouldnt trade my addiction for many things.  It has made me whole at my core.  With out it I would have just been a mind in a body, moving without action. I now move with action and true meaning.  Sorry if this makes no sense. Addiction seems scary and obsessive and unforgiving but gifts come from the least expected sources.  We now have a lesson to give to another, we can listen without judgment.  You all on here do it everyday.  Love you all very much and keep positive and stop to smile, to see the world we walk in every day.  Then this menace we call addiction is just a word that we know well. You are not addiction and addiction is not you.  Its a life occurrence you choose to learn from or not. Not all lessons are fun, but the end result may just be that.

[my_mayberry]

i agree...with the exception of 'death of the spirit'.......this is something that can only die if we let it, i think.

[laurel453]

active addiction, i would add :)

[dominosarah]

So very true........