HELP!!!!!!!!

[thebrat]

I have been trying, unsuccessfully for years to come off of hydrocodones.  I'll get offf of them for a few days or even a few weeks a few times. The depression is so unbearable that I end up using again. I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? Treatment is not an option right now. I'm not sure if I am willing to go thru treatment again. I have been 6 times in my 40 years. I have lived all my life addicted to many different substances, pills, however, have been by far the hardest substance to beat. I started taking them not even knowing they would make me high, they were for pain. That is not the case now. I don't want to live like this anymore. PLEAASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nolightyet]

Hmmm...not sure how this works.  I just wanted to see if I could jump in on the forum.  I'm an addict and am, as of yesterday, starting a tapering program to get me down from around 240 mgs oxy/day.  There have been times in the past where I've had to go without, only because I couldn't get any, and so in my head I'm aware of how bad it is and I'm scared.  It has been a while now (1/2 year or so) since I've had a day without any, though, and my dosage has increased significantly since them.  After talking to someone near to me who just quit c/t at 60mgs/day, I'm deciding to taper rather than stop immediately.  Will power has never been my strongsuit.  I started taking them regularly after a herniated disc, but I've always known how much I liked them and very quickly began getting much much more from other sources.  Now my life is in limbo.  I hate being a slave to it.  I hate knowing that when I start a new job, if I don't have any I'd have to call in sick.  Or knowing you're going out of town and worrying about ensuring you have enough for your trip.  Blah.  Did I mention I'm scared?

[marcatj]

hahah, i'm a girl too.

that is AWSOME you are on day 3!!!  good for you...

now listen to me and listen good - you HAVE to take and do your sobriety/aftercare differently this time, you know that right?  meetings, counceling, something?

also, print out your post and save it if you ever feel like using again.. read it first.  you'll remember how much you hated life on the pills...

but girl - i am in NO way taking away from what you have accomplished!!!  3 days is awsome and I say kudo's to you!!! KEEEEEEEEEEP GOING!!!!

:)
mj

[thebrat]

Hi! I haven't been on in awhile. I just wanted you to know that i am on day 3 with no pills and it sucks sooooo bad. But... It isn't quite as bad as i expected, and for that I am very grateful!!! I am very lethargic trying to hold down a full time job as many of us are. I would appreciate hearing from you. It's good to know someone else is out there. How are you doing? I hope you see this because I get lost sometimes on the internet. I don't regularly go to any chat rooms, forums, etc... I think i should have posted this somewhere else, but couldn't find where. Take care of you. Oh! and just to let you know I am a girl. When you called me buddy, I wasn't sure. No matter, I guess. waiting to hear from you!

[tzt2lady]

Yep, I had some clean time too but pain AND not working my program brought me to active addiction.  I, brought me to active addiction.   The NA textbook tells us how to take pain meds if and when we must.  I ignored it thinking I could do it on my own.   Not.

NA or AA is only as good as the person who works it in its entirety.  Its not the only way and lots of folks there relapse.  But as they say in the readings at the beginning of meetings, "rarely have we seen someone relapse who works the program as directed"  (this is not a direct quote but something similar is stated).   Its multifaceted but a simple program.   We must work to stay clean.  For many of us it doesn't just happen.  
Best of luck to you and welcome to our forum.
tzt

[marcatj]

i here ya buddy... it's what got me hooked too, was pain.

glad to hear you've had success in recovery with other stuff... means you will in this too!!!!

now go get 'em tiger!  :-)

-mj

[thebrat]

Thanx! You are totally right. I REALLY don't want to live like this anymore, and i am just going to suck it up and go cold turkey. I'll let you know how it goes. I will be going to an AA meeting tonight, and by the way i have had some decent amounts of recovery time. All the other substances I have been off of for quite a few years. Pain brought me to the pills and i just haven't been able to get off of the things. I will. Thanx again!!!!!!!

[marcatj]

listen.. if you have been through rehab 6 times, you have a very serious problem with your recovery.  you don't have one it sounds like...  and if you don't, with this track record, you can quit again but you will obviously end up back on them if you don't do something different.

if you want to get off of them, either go c/t or taper... then you have to suck up - it took time to get you here, it will take time to get you back "out."  there is depression, but it passes.  you can spend your whole life on pills because you are afraid of a few weeks or months of depression, or you can accept the fact it's what's going to happen and finally make a change.  (you could also see a doctor btw, to give you something FOR the depression..)

there are some other things you can do to.  go onto the other forum and ask Fladdict about the amino acids - they are supposed to really help the depression.  exercise is huge, too.

but i can't stress strong enough that you need help in this - AA, NA, counceling and/or therapy.

something's not working.

if you REALLY don't want to live like this anymore, you HAVE to get some help.  we will absolutely help you here, but you must also help yourself...

good luck... and i wish you well,
mj