HELP!

[nobluess]

My boyfriend has been struggling with a crack cocaine addition for 15 years.  He's 30 years old.  We've been living together for almost 3 years and we have a 1 year old daughter.  About two months ago he completed a four month program to try and overcome this addiction....and I thought it had worked.  Recently, I have noticed erratic behavior and he started losing weight again.  I confronted him about my concern and he became very very hostile.  So much so he left bruises on my arm for making such an "insane" claim.  Just yesterday, he told me his addiction was to powerful to overcome, that there was no hope, and he choose the drug over my daughter and I.  He left home.  He said there is no cure for this addiction since he's tried everything....my question..is he right? is there no cure?  

I haven't heard from Rick since he left home, should I go out and look for him?  Should I try and rescue him again? When is it enough.....

[pam777777]

There is no cure !!! most never get off crack !!! they love it !!! the sexual stuff they engage in is very sick !!!! My ex boyfriend was in love with crack ****** !!! no lie they were very ugly, the crack made them look like the were 80 yrs old !!!! I'm very pretty and i was with him one night to a crack house and he was all over 2 very ugly girls, i felt like he was druewling over them !!!! I was in shock !!!! I'm a very sexual person and engaged in very strange sex acts with him, he was my boyfriend so i would !!! however i thought i was enough, i thought he didnt lie !!!! I found out that there is no real relationship with a crack addict no matter who they are !!!! the lie and only love and believe other addicts like them selves ONLY !!! I was out of my mind he was bringing me down, big time !!! I was forgetting about me !!!! crack addicts are selfish greedy, and alll about them selves and want you kept down believe me !!! They blame everyone for their problems, money problems, etc !!! They will feed you to the wolves !!!! and have no remorse !!!!

[nobluess]

Oh, you are so right.  I am DONE making excuses for this man.  I see the big picture now and have no idea what I was thinking.  Letting him do Crack at my house...putting up with his mood swings...I am so done with him.  I am ready to live life again.  I want to meet this great man who will help me and my kids and not add on to my struggles.  I took a deep breath this morning and said "God, I'm ready!  I deserve it".

[BellaDonna22]

  It's all in a matter of opinions but I say you should NOT go back.  It's crazy because my best friend is in the exact situation except the 1 yr old is a boy.  She has made all the excuses in the world as of why she stays but truth be known, the child is the one suffering.  If I learned one thing it's that love is not enough to beat an addiction and for some reason crack sucks people in and totally changes them forever or damn near close to that.  I know you don't want to hear this, you want your family...I know that.  You have to get your daughter away from this or you will feel much guilt later.  One day you will meet a great guy and it will all be worth it.  I'd love to hear back and know how your doing because it makes me cry to see my friend just give in to this.  She's at the point where the addiction doesn't even bother her anymore, it's his horrible behavior!  I can already see the affects on her son who is developing a very low self asteem and disfunctional personality.

[LIZZIE LOU]

i know what you mean.   i started to fear my own son too.  he never hit me...but that look in his eyes told me that i had better back off.   he never even talked disrespectful to me a day in his life...until crack.   i remember well the day that i would not give him any money and he looked at me with so much hatred and called me a f'ing b*tch.  that was THE DAY that i realized that i was not talking to davis, my son...but to davis, the addict.  i loved davis, my son...but i hated davis, the addict.

omg...how many times have i asked myself that question, "what did i do to deserve this?".  i have four sons and three of them are addicts and now one has HIV.   so believe me that i have been on my knees too many times to count asking God that very question.

i think that you have made the right decision and i also know how hard it is going to be to stick to your guns...so to speak.   but you have to put yourself and the kids first now.  

i will be thinking about you so keep us posted.

huggs,
kim

[nobluess]

That's exactly what I did.  I enabled his addiction and I'm embarrassed to admit it.  I would give him $10 to leave me alone.  He would nag and nag and keep me awake most of the night. He would make promises that that was going to be his last hit.  That he would finish the$10 and he would go straight to bed. I knew he was lying to me but this last time his request became more violent.  He didn't hit me directly but his hold on my arm did leave bruising.  I was afraid.  That's what opened my eyes Kim.  What was I doing? What if my 15 year old walks in during one of his episodes.  He was uncontrolable.  Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this.

[LIZZIE LOU]

oh, it will lead to jail or even death.  a crack addict is relentless in his search for the drug.

your children are the innocents in this family and you are right...they should not have to go through this...AND...neither should you.  i can't tell you what to do about whether you should go out looking for him...i went to any and all lengths to save my son from this drug...but he was only 17 years old.

i am so sorry that you are having to go through this sweetie...it can consume you with worry and anger.  you can't change him...but you can most definitely tell him that you will support his recovery...but not his addiction...and back up those words.   if he is not ready to do something about this...then you have got to let him go.  you cannot enable his addiction.

kim

[nobluess]

No, he did not continue going to regular meetings.  I guess we both thought we were over this but I was severely wrong.  He left the house not to distance himself from the problem but to go to a place were crack was easily accessible.  My heart aches because I know that this will only lead him to jail or hurt...but I can't put my kids through that..

[LIZZIE LOU]

there is hope, but it is a long and hard road to travel.

most crack addicts will tell you that the only way they were able to kick their addiction was to move away...to distance themselves from everyone associated with the drug and their use.

when he came home from the program...did he continue his therapy or go to the AA/NA meetings that i am sure that he probably started there?  or did he come home thinking that he was cured?  aftercare is so crucial in any addiction and without it there will most likely be a relapse in the future.  i know that four months seems like a long program, but he would really benefit from a longer one...at least a year.  the mental hold that crack holds on it's victims is overpowering...and one that is extremely hard to kick.

i wish you luck,
kim