I am sensing m friend has a serious addiction

[ashley337]

Hi, I have an ex boyfriend whom I have known for years.  He has always been quite big in the party scene.  Alhough his responsibilites lack greatly..Most call it immaturaty.  I feel its much more.  I do know he uses cocaine, ambien to sleep and drinks often.  We have parted months ago...but still both care alot about each other.  He is in a different state and we see each other every couple months.  This thanksgiving he was here and i noticed a tremendous difference in him.  He was very nervous acting...we all drank alot...he was very irritable during the day.  He would constantly leave the room and be gone for 15 min at a time..One night he stayed up very late alone...and slept all day. One day he slept and sweated the entire bed out.  He constantly is broke and asking family for money....he would have drinks and love me dearly...then when sober he would be so distant. I am so confused...I know there has to be a problem.  I do know when he arrived his uncle a doctor prescribed him valtrex or something similiar for a cold sore coming on?  Im wondering if he is such an addict ...did he snort this?  Im so clueless...Do any of these signs ring a bell?  He is now home and I havent heard from him...He is back into safety as I would say...please help..

[ashley337]

thank you!  

It is easier said than done...just doesnt make sense...how someone cant help someone...isnt that what friends are for...

i guess thats what they call "tough love"

[marcatj]

i hope so.. i don't mean to come off "preachy" and i DO know it's MUCH easier said than done...

and if you ever feel/need to talk again, i'm usually around...

good luck, sister..
mj

[ashley337]

Thank you so much...I am going to do my best to stay away and move on....like ive heard many times..he has to be sick and tired of being sick and tired...

I do thank you for your time...all this helps me so much.

[marcatj]

yes, it's very, very typical. most addicts don't look like what you think an "addict" would look like...

and the only purpose it may serve by telling him how you feel, then "severing ties" (at least for awhile) would for him to see there ARE repercussions to his addiction.  actually, i take that back:  i think that is secondary to taking care of yourself first, and not taking on his problems (which you can't fix, anyway.)

i would even say tell his family, but they sound like such enablers i'm not sure it would help.

these are just my opinions... i hope for both of you eventually he wants help. but again, and you already know this, he has to want it himself...

:-/
mj

[ashley337]

I see your point clearly...

His family is like my family.  My mothers best friend is his mother..and I am also very close with her and his sister.  I would hate to cause such issues.  If me telling him how I feel and what I think is going on...wont help...then I dont see what the point is?

i dont want him like he is..I know I cant change him..i just clearly am trying to understand and realize the addiciton issues...

I believe he has been doing like this for years...now if you saw him on the street or playing a sport you would never guess that he has this problem...is that typical?

thanks

[marcatj]

...honestly, your best bet in my opinion is to tell him exactly how you feel, then walk away.

if he is an addict, and also takes no responsibility in his life for anything, why would you want to continue a relationship with this man?  this behavior is exactly what you will have in store for you if you continue.. and probably worse.

you are not going to change him.  so, if you want to accept him as is, that's exactly what you have to do.  your only other option is to leave, i'm afraid (until he wants to change...)

good luck,
mj