Life turns upside down in an moment

[kajama]

THE questions, How much we are willing to give up because of drugs. I know from my experience of being clean for 9 months, I consider my family the most precious thing alive. I mean even my love for my boxer Bella means alot to me. Why did I ever take that for granted.  Why did I feel that I had to take drugs and fooled my self and used my family as an excuse. Now with my situation I know that there could be a chance that I could be taken away from my children due to poor choices. All because of those stupid drugs. No matter how many times I tell them i am sorry it will never be enough.  I wish I could take back that year when the drugs ran my life As I sit here crying after looking at my children, I feel like the worst women in the world for putting the drug before them.  They are so much more, they are my angels..  Is this feeling ever gonna go away, will it ever hurt less, not that I deserve it in anyway but I want to be that great mom they deserved in the first place  

[helps02]

Thats right congrats on 9months clean!! Your doing great!! I too used to be a the youth group leader and I did step down from my position. Although my hubby still is the Co-Pastor and worship leader.  I used to justify my using the pills cuz they were perscribed by my doc.  I first got physically addicted because of the surgery, but then I didn't want to give them up.  That is when the guilt started to kick in.  I must have continued on the meds for about 6months longer than needed. One day you will be able to use it as part of your testimony and for God's Glory. You made it and are still making no matter what circumstance you are in. You are stronger than you think so praise God for that!! Your still clean and that's what matters!!

[kajama]

Thanks guys I really appriciate it. It is just some days i get really depressed and other days I feel good, it is just an up and down rollercoaster of feelings which I guess is normal.

[Mangee]

You are not the first to go through this nor will you be the last. The fact that you have told yourself and others the truth speaks well for you. There will always be judgemental, holier than thou people wherever you go. For every one of those there are many who accept who you are and what you have gone through without being judge and jury. The only one you have to truly answer to is you. You are doing well and that is all  that matters.

[lboogie7729]

Give yourself some credit for being sober for 9 months! Try not to dwell on the lost time, to someone like me, a year is like a blink of the eye. I don't know the whole story, but I hope things work out for the best for you and I wish you all the luck in the world. What matters is that you are doing the right thing now and from here on out. You are not the worst women in the world, you are a human being like the rest of us and you made a mistake. You're doing something about it now and that is huge. :-)

[kajama]

Congrats on being 4 wks clean. My addiction also was a secret for a while due to my husbands position. It was a hard thing to do.  It was even harder for me due to the fact I taught the youth group and drama department. My husband and I stepped down from ministry due to my legal issues. And when I did confide is some of the church I did deal with some judgemental people and haven't been back to the church since. Although my  youth group only has limited information they are great. they still call me and tell  me that they are praying for me and miss me.  I love those kids so much but can't deal with standing before them and telling them I did the the thing I have been teaching against. I just look forward to the day when I am not ashamed and can use this as my testimony........I know it will take time, well thank you for for letting me know about you, nice to know I am not the only one dealing with this...

[helps02]

Hello there, I have been reading your posts and I become very concerned for you.  How are you doing? I too have been dealing with addiction, i am almost 4wks clean and my hubby too is a co-pastor at his fathers church.  My addiction has been a secret for years it began with back pain that led to back fusion surgery which I had done in april of 2008. I can just imagine the pressure you are going through and not to mention how the church might be judging you.  But if they are sincere Christians they will only be praying for you and your Freedom!! What happened with the Legal issue?

[dominosarah]

We cant go back and change the past, all we can do now is take it one day at a time and make sure we dont go back and make bad choices.  I know the pain oh so well of watching one of my babies walk out of my life.  Thru counseling and time the pain has eased up and i have dealt with this and put it in its proper place.  Facing the pain is never easy but very necessary.  You have made some bad choices but that doesnt mean you arent a good mom or woman.              sara