green eyed lady

[road2recovery]

hi, i saw you wrote that you left you BF?? how are you doing with that?/
i read your post about it and i hope and pray that you know you made the right decision...
good luck
R2R

[TimH2]

I left you a post below. I am so glad you kicked that woman beater to the curb. I would never meet with him alone. You know that he will start to get angry and you could be in real danger. You deserve a life that is happy and peaceful. Any man that hits a woman is a piece of **** and you deserve much better. Keep on posting darlin. There are a lot of nice men in this world.

Hug to ya,
Tim

[green eyed lady]

Thanx for thinking of me, I really appreciate it---I am not saying this for sympathy but I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. My own fault. Over the last 3 yrs. I have literally pushed people out of my life...friends anyway. It really was a combination of depression, pills, trying to figure out what was wrong with me health wise and the embarrassment of people knowing that my BF is a crack head. Sounds stupid but I am such a proud woman and I hate nothing more than public embarrassment. It seems that everyone knew more about my life then I did, for example, everytime I would go to the salon to get my hair done I had to hear snide remarks like " I hope you don't move BF into your house because he is still doing crack and hanging out with Jeff (enter lots of names)", ect. ect., and these things weren't said with love or caring, it was said to make me feel like an idiot. Mission accomplished.

In hindsight, I was an idiot...even though things were said in malice they were true and instead of kicking his sorry ass to the curb I would yell and scream and then end up believing him when he would say how "everyone is envious of us because we are so happy", My God what BS!!

I do have a sister that I am very close to and I COULD talk to her about things (she lives 3 hrs away so she only knows what I tell her) but again my stupid pride gets in the way. OR is it that I am hoping things WILL work out with BF and nobody would be any wiser? Boy do I need therapy!

As far as BF and I go we are still not together and even though he's calling me 2x a day (he knows he dosen't have a leg to stand on otherwise he would call me 12x a day..no kidding) I am holding strong. Actually he just called me and asked me out to dinner *as friends*...ha, what a joke!....this is his M>O...cry, beg for forgiveness, lots of promises and then try to shmooz me. I have to admit in the past it did work but not this time. I am feeling better healthwise because I had outpatient surgery back in March and even though I am not cured I do have relief so I am able to do more and that is really helping me with my self esteem. This is key for me. I feel better which in turn makes me able to do the things that used to make me happy, such as work on my house, read and go for walks at night... And maybe, just maybe, like myself a little more and in turn I am not abusing the vikes (as much) so I am thinking with a clearer head.

I have finally after yrs. of taking a lot of **** from the men in my life, my soon to be ex husband (who ironically I have a great relationship with now) and my BF, I am starting to see the value I have as a person and a woman and I never will allow any man to devalue me again (raises fist in the air..haha). I am starting to see that life alone might not be such a bad thing especially if having a man means I have to compromise myself.

I really, really want to thank you R2R for thinking about me because you probably have no idea how much this is helping me...this is like an online diary and I am getting these thoughts out of my head and it's allowing me to think happier thoughts.

P.S.  I want to wish you strength and courage because I know how hard this struggle can be but I also want you to know that you CAN do this!!! You are a wonderful woman who even though you are stuggling yourself has reached out to help me.   :) E

[invincible]

Sometimes we men need a good smack on the @ss to make us wake up and smell the coffee.  I think you made the right choice but know it had to be hard to do it...You go girl!!