My addictive personality disorder is ruining my life.

[ALNeel]

Growing up I was always told that having alcoholic and drug-addict parents meant that I was susceptible to being an addictive personality myself. For the past two decades I've taken pride in being able to say that wasn't true at all, that I've beat the stigma my parents created. I don't drink, I smoke but no more than two cigarettes a day, and drugs whether narcotic or unprescribed are a big no no for me. It wasn't until tonight that I realized how wrong I was.

I'm sitting here even as I type this going back through my life and I realize that there is a clear timeline from age five to now where one addiction fades away to another but always there is an addiction and always it has damaged my relationships and held me back. From the pottery experiment which saw me huddled over a lump of clay for thirteen hours a day and aggressively snapping at anyone who tried to pull me away to the crocheting episode that resulted in thirty crocheted bears to the library book obsession that literally kept me in bed reading for nine days straight... something has always been there. I once lost my job because I could not stop obsessing over my new nintendo DS. I lost another job because I was obsessively browsing the internet for top dollar furniture that I had no intention of buying and couldn't afford anyway. My husband wants to leave me right now because I'm currently addicted to playing online games. If I have any control over the household finances then I will shop myself into homelessness and then sit among my things sobbing and suicidal. I'm out of control. I need help.

But there doesn't seem to be any out there for someone like me. People will ask me what I'm addicted to at the moment and offer me advice on treating it but the problem is, and I know this now, losing an addiction only means it will immediately be replaced with another. I can not force my brain to switch track once I get focused on something. The result has been that I'm 27 with a child I'm neglecting and a wonderful husband who longer wants me, my college education fell by the wayside years ago, I have no job because I can't keep one... and I'm depressed and a danger to myself to be frank. I feel like a prisoner with no way out. My doctor doesn't feel like my condition should be taken seriously but he did prescribe me Welbutrin which has helped me with not wanting to eat or smoke so much but that's as far as it goes.

I love my little girl and I adore my husband but I'm about to lose them and myself. Help. Please... someone help me.

A

[sugarpie139]

HI. I can't say that I have personally dealt with the circumstances that you are in. BUT I can say that I empathize with your situation. I suffered bi-polar (depression) disorder for many years and what you are describing are the very symptoms that I possessed. I am by no means  doctor and cannot diagnose you, however I think that you should ask your GP to be referred to a professional for further assessment. Your partner may not understand, but all you have to tell him is that you want to be with him, and you want to make it work and you are trying to fix your problems, whatever they may be. Addiction takes form in many ways, and is often a symptom of depression. Whether it be a Psycological or Physical addiction, in the end it is still an addiction that needs to be taken control of. seek outside help is my advice, even if all you can do, is learn about your affliction.

[mtgoat911]

i can only suggest going to 12step meetings, i have a forum at medhelp that post informations about several 12step programs
ada
na
eo
alonon
go
oe
i also work with addicts who are duel diagnosed, i am willing to anwser any specific questions you may have
when dealing with a list of issues, the only thing you can do it take them one at a time
start with whatever is making your life the most unmanageable then move onto another issue once the first has been attended too
most people i know, self included start with whatever chemical dependency they may have, get the chemical out first, then move onto other needs
its a process but it does work
5yrs ago i was a opiate addict, with a whole lot of problems, today i enjoy daily life without the hopeless living problems that used to rule my life

[10356]

I'm very sorry to read of what you are suffering with.. addiction comes in many forms. My suggestion would be for you to go to therapy and start working on your compulsive thinking and behaviors.. Therapy has had a great impact on my life and has helped me to figure out a lot of things.. If your Dr. is not taking you seriously then find another. neglecting your daughter and your hubby wanting to leave because you obsess is a very real problem.. I wish you well.. lesa