Can't say that I need to comment here, it looks like it's well covered by everyone who offered info. I just had to mention to bubbles..."a case of the Marie Barones" what a good comparision, made me lol....for "real" even, lol. Love that show, but don't know how well I'd deal with Marie in all reality. Lady, I will offer you wishes of luck and strength...sounds like you can at least use some of those!
It sounds like you have a case of the Marie Barones.
She sounds like an overbearing mother in law who needs to find something else in her life other than meddling in her son's life. This situation needs to be addressed before it gets to the point you just blow up at her. I would sit down with her and tell her how you feel. It won't be easy, but it's for the best of everyone. She probably doesn't even realize what she's doing, she probably thinks she's there to help you out. When you sit her down, make sure your husband is aware before hand, and maybe he'll even support you in how you feel and will want to sit down with you, but then he might see that what his mother is doing isn't too big of a deal and shrug it off his shoulders, he's kind of at a lost because he wants to be loyal to you and loyal to his mother.
Find out what she likes to do in her spare time and get her a gift certificate to a store or a class or towards her hobby, whatever it be. (I had to do this, I bought my mother in law a membership to the fitness club and enrolled her in the senior citizen aerobics class for 12 weeks and she liked it so much, she continued to enroll herself in the class for a year straight). You could also make sure you spend at least one night a week with her or once every week by taking her out to dinner or having her pick the kids up from school or stuff like that. Let her know you appreciate her help and you love her, but only when you request it and let he rknwo you still want her to be active in your lives and her grandchildren's lives.
I hope the best for you, keep us updated!!!
There is only one solution and that is a talk between you, your husband and his mother. It must be a straight talk with nothing held back. I, fortunately, had a great mother-in-law. In your case you need to understand that a doting mother,i.e, your mother-in-law thinks that she is making life easier for her son and the stranger he married. In a lot of cases where the spouses mother is concerned there is a lot of over-kill. For some strange reason they tend to think that their child, regardless of age, is not getting what they need from the upstart that entered their family. You have to be sure that your husband will back you up one hundred percent, otherwise it will all be for nought. Her nose may be out of joint for a while but eventually the thought of not being in her son's life will tone her down. Once she gets the idea that as long as she interferes she is not welcome and won't have the pleasure of seeing her grandchildren, she will slowly see the light.
Theres a few ways that this could be handled. The first one is having a very honest talk wih her. She'll probably go off pouting and upset, but she'll get over it, if you can have the talk with love, honest and to the point though.
Another way might be to start giving her a list of chores to do while she's there. And I mean load her up. If she's gonna be there, she might as well be taking some of the burden off you. Don't let her decide what to do...give her a list.
Find out some of her pet peeves or sore spots and play on that. If she is put off by dirty jokes..start telling them all the time. If she hates loud music..turn the volumn way up. You get the idea.
If she no longer has a husband, tell her your gonna set her up on a computer dateing site. Start telling her about some guys you'd like to fix her up with.
Tell her she needs to get a life.
Start getting very sexy with your husband around her.
The first option, of course would be the best, if you can do it.