Rough evening so far...but hanging in there...

[Zurich42]

I think my 'worse' times are the evenings.  My pain is back bad in the mid/lower region of my back area.  I've taken a total of 3.5 tablets of Vicodin total today and hope to go less tomorrow.  I don't think the pain is 'in my head' - rather, I believe it's real and related to Rheumatoid.  That being said, I really do want to manage it with Advil.  The only reason why I tapered to 3.5 tablets today was because I read that it's too hard and more likely to return to Vicodin abuse if one goes cold turkey.  

Anyway - just wondering if anyone is out there....

[1eagle]

Thank God for friends that care enough about you to kidnap you. A friend grabbed me and left me in the northern michigan wilderness for a brief visit. Denver ehh? Been there a few times, always thought that the "mile high" city would be special. But it wasn't any different than my normal high. One thing though, if you have been a flatlander for quite a while you shouldn't hop off a plane and into a tennis match. Somebody stole all of your air.

[Joey28]

No you are not being to optimistic how long have you been taking the pain meds for ? This will predict the severity of the WD'S

[Zurich42]

Hey there - good to see you back (I was wondering about you).  My boyfriend is not an addict - yet, I still want him locked up every now and then.  Think about it Joey - you can make a FORTUNE just locking people up - perhaps a whole new career awaits for you.  :-)

I picked up some dramamine earlier today - thanks for the suggestion - I'm sure it will help.  As for me right now - I'm doing very, very well.  I continue to read the postings and am trying to help others - I think that's part of why I am successful.  I guess we'll see...

How are you doing? It's good that you haven't used today (especially after your recent slip).  I can only imagine how hard it is - both physically and emotionally.  

[carr]

I have family in Denver, Colo Springs, Pueblo, Cripple Creek and Aurora...i am sure there are more and i dont know where they are...my father is buried in Canyon City...anyways....Joey, i need you to come here and lock up my guy and stand guard....9 years is a long time...congrats....i was just over 70+ days and slipped hugely....but i havent used today...my guy's name is joey too...great name...anyways...zurich...glad we got together about the misunderstanding...i hope the dramamine helps....makes ya sleepy too....take care
carrie

[Zurich42]

Am I being too optimistic? Let me know - I'm in and out of my office for the next 2 hours.  What do I have to look forward to???

[Joey28]

Sorry to say but the worst is not over get some sleep and tomarow I will clue you in on what is to come.

Joey

[Zurich42]

Yes - near Denver is home for me.  I like it - it's nice.  The weather has a mind of it's own sometimes, however, it is one of 3-4 states I can actually live in due to the 'dryness' and desert-like geography.  The people are nice - the healthcare is excellent and there are a TON of sports, etc., which I love.  I live near the mountains - thus, a 'hike' is only a short distance away at anytime.  I'm lucky - so very lucky.

I'm down to 3.5 for the day.  To be honest, I didn't even 'need' the last 2 and didn't want to take them - but figured I better just in case I was coming down too soon/too fast.  Tomorrow will be a total of '3' for the day, and then the day after will be 2.5 (see a pattern?)...I honestly believe the rough part is over.  The only thing I've 'needed' today was a Vente Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks - other than that, I am good to go!  

Talk to you later! Thanks for listening!

[Joey28]

Denver is home ? I was just out there working for the last 3 years just left two weeks ago. Great place good people and awsome weather.

[Zurich42]

As for the herniated disc - no - I don't have that.  I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis w/a 168 tablet 30 -day prescription - which I am successfully withdrawing from - Day 5.  My lower back hurts because the weather has changed suddenly - and probably also due to stress.  Thanks though - but my Humira Injections (non-narcotic) work wonders and I wouldn't trade them for anything - not even Vicodin.  :-)  

[Zurich42]

Wow - 9 years clean is amazing - good for you!!!  
I'm glad your friend wants sobriety - don't we all...it's good of you to stand guard.  It's probably a nightmare - but if he wants it - you're the good one for giving it to him.  

[Joey28]

Stupid question but have you had a MRI or CT Scan what you have described sounds like a herniated disc putting pressure on your spinal cord. Maybe you and your doc can look into some epideral injections if the dic is in fact herniated it really worked for me I put up with 4 years of the most intense pain amaginable and numb feet to boot tripped on just about anything in front of me and working as a Ironworker building large scale office buildings 60-80 story stuff. As for going cold turkey that was the ticket for me I tried both ways and the tapering didn't work I guess the effect of going cold turkey made me never want to do it again.

9 yrs clean for me the reason I am on this forum a good friend has some major problems with this stuff no injuries for him to use as crutch like I did for about 12 months he just likes to stay high but as we speak I locked him in a hotel room and have numerous freinds standing guard at his request this one is the ticket for him because he wants it thats all it takes.  Good luck and hang in there you can do it !!!!!!! I did if I can do it you can too.

[Zurich42]

When you're 18 you really are thinking more about what to wear than you are at making prolonged decisions for your life.  At least - I was that way (and it drove my parents nuts).  I'm not a parent - and my dog - albeit 'my baby' doesn't question my authoritativeness (lucky me).  I wish I could help with advice - but can only 'listen' since I don't know what it's like to be a parent.  

I think it's poetic:  No one is more qualified to point out the proper road to travel than one who has hit every pothole in the road of life.  That is an EXCELLENT statement (prose - whatever).  

[Zurich42]

Oh - now I understand (duh).  I'd like to blame it on the drugs, but I'm not always 'on top of it' if you know what I mean.  I might go to Wal-Mart and pick up some Dramamine (or the equivalent).  I'm doing good today - only 1 tab so far.  The evenings are the hardest - but with this groups support and my Sweetie's, I think I'm doing fantastic (and somewhat proud of myself - and gee, don't I sound a little full of myself to go along with that).  :-)  Thanks so much for the continued support!!!  95% of me thinks I can do this - 5% is waiting for the bottom to fall out.  Am I still an optimist?

[carr]

i think u misunderstood what i was trying to say...i didnt mean for you to switch to loratab....and only take the phenygren as long as u needed too to taper....there is an otc type its dramimine..the motion sickness med....walmart has an equate equivilent....it works about the same.....sorry for the misunderstanding....and you wont physically withdraw forever thank God....so only use the phenygren for that purpose.....take care

carrie

[1eagle]

All the mistakes that everyone else has, huh? Sure wish that I could get a copy of that lifetime rulebook. i am currently watching my youngest son (18) attempt to make about all of the mistakes that I made myself. His take is that I have no room to give him advice, considering where I am right now ( trying to stay clean) and he is not receptive to my overtures. I think that there is no one more qualified to point out the proper road to travel than one who has hit every pothole in the road of life. At least I don't have a flat tire anymore. Love to listen. keep it up.

[Zurich42]

I read somewhere a few years ago that a survey was taken of 100 dying people.  The overwhelming results of these people stated they had only 2 regrets:  1) they didn't see their loved ones enough or didn't tell them they loved them enough, and 2) they didn't travel the world.  Since reading that - I have built a kindred relationship with both my sisters for the last year and have traveled to Europe 4 times.  

The one thing I've set is boundaries - for example, one of my sisters wants to 'get away from it all and come to my house the week prior to Christmas'.  I've told her 'no'.  As much as I want a relationship with her - I don't want her that involved in my life.  I see her for what she is - an opportunist.  She just got divorced - and I recognize she's in pain - but coming out here the week before Christmas on my dime just to dump on me isn't my idea of a good time.  I've got my own responsibilities to myself - and left all their issues behind over 20 years ago (I ran away successfully when I was 17 - with a job, my own car, etc).  My point is that we learn through life to set boundaries - sometimes a little too late (in my humble opinion).  As I've stated earlier, I wish Mom/Dad would have given me a rule book to go through so that I didn't have to make all the same mistakes everyone else has (Vicodin addiction included).  But comparatively, I've done all-right.  I've truly become 'humbled' being on this forum though.  There is no such thing as a 'small' addiction ...

Thanks for listening!

[1eagle]

Glad to hear that the fog has lifted some for you. This is doable. Priorities are always an interesting observation. Some people really have them out of whack as far as I can see. Thought about that while I was watching coverage of black Friday sales. People have family and friends to see over the holiidays, yet they camp out overnight and stand in lines to get a couple of bucks off a trinket. The fellowship with family and friends is irreplaceable...there will be new trinkets on the market next week.

I have some friends that had to go. When I began this last taper some "friends" kept calling and offering me treats. After not much thinking I decide that they did not fit the categoey of friends. They are just parasites.

Everybody should have a "jerk" like you in their life sometime. Keep  up with your program. I love to hear success stories.

[Zurich42]

I think you're right that the 'fight is never over' - but for some reason, I feel unfogged this morning (is that a word - if not, I'll contact Wikipedia and make it a word).  I feel like this is 'do-able' and am filled with hope and encouragement.  I feel like I'm doing all the right things - drinking tons of water, exercising, keeping busy, reading, staying checked in to this forum often...ALL those things are helping towards my sobriety.  

One thing you said yesterday that has stuck out in my mind is the 'letting go of friendships' during this part of our journey (whether we were high at the time or not).  Some friendships - for example, I had a '20 year' friendship I HAD to let go for my own sanity.  Here I am implementing ED software at 3:00 am watching motor vehicle accidents come in with kids, etc., and I get emails from her about the 'new 85K' car her boyfriend just bought her.  It drove me nuts and went against my principals.  It's one thing to 'receive' a gift from someone - but another to feel you have to 'brag' about it.  My response to her was that 85K sure as heck could help kids with cancer...(see, I CAN be a jerk).  

[1eagle]

Bingo on the evening thing. I used to like the evening...almost had a rock star schedule...roll out of bed at the crack of 3pm to address the "days" activities. Different view today. I hate it when the sky begins to fade to black...

It seems to me, both from personal experience and related anecdotes, that the fight is never really over. Last night I found myself wondering just how long it takes after being clean to be able to take a "prescribed" dose again. Finally decided that that path was not a good one for me to explore.Never really had any opiate related sickness - at least not from immediate use. Only during the wd"s.

Seems to me that a very common mistake is to try and quit too rapidly. After a lengthy (read that close to lifetime) encounter I have finally made the longest stretch in many years. After checking out methadone and tapering on dozens of routes. Finally came down to just me again. I feel that ultimately that is a good take and perhaps I should even be responsible myself. I managed to get here alone.I can leave alone...with a little help from my friends. Maybe the "puter has actually changed or blurred some of the thoughts on doing anything by yourself. The world has gotten smaller over the years. Extended friendships and communication and all of that. It certainly helps to know that you are not the only one here.

[Zurich42]

I was just reading your comments on 'after care' and am surprised that this won't be 'just over' when I finish withdrawal.  I'm so glad you posted that because it gives me yet another vision of how deceitful the use of these pills are...and that 'after care' needs to be part of my plan.  My insurance kicks in on 12/03 - thus, I will plan to find a counselor for prescription drug abuse.  Thanks again -

Also - congrat's on 3 months! That's so great and encouraging to hear! (read).  

[Zurich42]

I'll work with the Advil for now - I think my pain can be managed with that - and to be real honest - I'm afraid of having to withdrawal from loratab and/or phenygren just because it's another drug of some sort.  

I woke up a couple times last night - but without the headache - thus, I'm starting to 'feel' better about the withdrawal part.  I'm amazed that I've come this far - and without this group to ping ideas off of - I wouldn't be where I am.  I know that sounds corny - but it's true.  I'm not doing this with AA or NA or any other support than you all and my boyfriend (who's a Saint).  Thanks all for 'listening' and being there....

[road2recovery]

Evenings are always the worst...I hated when it came to 7 ..I think everyone is different when it comes to tapering or c/t..I think we are suprised when we are clean how much advil can help..
I think it is the aftercare that helps not to relapse...I know for me it is..I have not gone to a NA meeting yet ( and i still may) I have gone to AA....But i have a great counsouler and some great friends on here....So when the w/d's are over PLEASE remember the fight begins....Even at almost 3 months i hate to say that the pain of w/d's is fading, but i knew from reading it would.....SO it is my responsibility to get the help i need to not relapse..
Good luck and keep in touch
r2r

[carr]

i dont know if this will help..but i had a few teeth pulled at the dentist..he prescribed me loratab and phenygren....the pharmacist told me that the phenygren will boost the pain meds and make them last longer and intensify them....taking advil between dosages will help too...plus its an anti-inflamatory as well....so it helps with reducing inflamation...funny how i can shoot a dilaudid and not get sick but pain pills make me sick to my stomach...go figure...hope this helps....i "luff" ya.....

carrie