Step Four

[Punkinhead75]

Step Four
by Punkinhead75 , Oct 25, 2010 03:01PM
Step Four

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

   Taken from The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditons  pg 42

I do this step a couple different ways.  The first way I worked it I took a look at the resentments I was having and how they affected me and my behavior.  I was living with my wife, who also happened to be one of my biggest triggers.  I would often find myself disturbed and angry with something she had done.  When I had triggers I would call my sponsor and we would work through whatever was going on.  He was very good at getting me to look at myself instead of focusing on what she had done.  In time and with practice I got better at this.  I learned things about myself and the root causes of my anger, self pity, resentment depression etc.  

The other way I do it is I look for the seven deadly sins:  pride, anger, greed, gluttony, lust, envy and sloth.  I look to see where these things cause me harm and ruin peace of mind.  By working this step I really get a good clue as to how sick my thinking can be.  It was this step that highlighted the mental twist of my disease.

I think the hardest part of this step was getting over the fear of what I would find as well as the fear of the following steps.  However when I looked at this I could see that fear itself was a character defect and must be dealt with.  One of the motivating factors for me though was the experience of others.  Many people told me that until they proceeded with the fourth step they had a difficult time getting and staying clean and sober.  Again willingness was the key to a beginning.  I didn't do a thorough inventory all at once.  I kind of took it a bit at a time.  Once I worked it with a few defects I got some relief and insight.  It was the relief and insight that encouraged me to keep at it. Today this is one of my favorite it steps.  I really enjoy looking at myself and seeing all the insane stuff I still do.  If you ever see me all by myself and laughing it probably means that I'm taking my inventory.  I always found it kind of funny that the only way to be relieved of my self centeredness was to focus on myself.  LOL!!!  God Bless!!

[Punkinhead75]

Hi Jeremy,

I was looking through some step guides and came across the page where the "assests" are mentioned.  It is on page 46 in the 12 & 12 about halfway through the first full paragraph.

"The sponsor probably points out that the newcomer has some assets which can be noted along with his liabilities.  This tends to clear away morbitity and encourage balance.  As soon as he begins to be more objective, the newcomer can fearlessly, rather than fearfully, look at his own defects."


Sorry for any confusion.  Take care!!

[Punkinhead75]

Thanks for sharing your experience with this.  It has been enlightening to say the least.  Was a lack of self esteem on your shortcomings list?  As we proceed with the steps we share our shortcomings and then eventually ask for them to be removed.  I don't know the process you went through in regards to this but perhaps the list of positive attributes was the gift necessary to remove the shortcoming that blocked the path to recovery.  The list being your HPs way of removing (for however long) the shortcoming.

It is eyeopening to me to realize that the courage and humility required for you to write a positve list is the same courage and humility required of me to write my shortcomings.  Either way that deserves an Attaboy!!!  LOL

To be honest I was hesitant about reposting the steps but someone had asked me about them so I went ahead and did it.  I haven't heard from that person since.  I am glad that I did because of the conversations you and I have had.  It is nice to be able to discuss the steps and come to understand another persons outlook on it as well as discover what works for them.  This, to me, is the purpose of this thread.  I don't presume to be a step know it all.  (I'm not saying I have been accused of that either)  All I have is my experience.  The intent was to post it and discuss.  Thanks again for your partnership in that.  Take care and have a great night.

[hellc@mst]

  Thanks for acknowledging the absence of any suggestion/requirement of AA/NA members submitting a list of their positive attributes as well as their moral shortcomings when compiling their 4th step. I respect your honesty and it shows a level of integrity I have found lacking in other members of the 12X12 community.

  I accept that identifying a list of faults which may have contributed to our various addictions can have positive ramifications. I sometimes question the wisdom of this practice considering the lack of medical nous (pop psychologists and the like) in "the rooms" along with AA/NAs inability to adequately mop up any messy repercussions which may arise through faulty guidance from an unscrupulous sponsor.

I hear what you're saying when you talk about a "fearless" moral inventory and how it requires courage to scrutinise and examine our shortcomings. To be honest though, I had little difficulty collating a definitive inventory of my numerous shortcomings. It was no great feat to identify my faults, when I only had to recall the all too familiar tape I heard running through my head, ad nauseum,  whilst in active addiction.  "I am scum", "I am a thief", "I am a liar", "I am manipulative", etc,etc,etc

For me in early recovery, trying to articulate a solitary sanguine or affirmative attribute required a degree of courage and suspended humility which dwarfed what was required to list my many faults. My self esteem was such, that I felt unworthy and undeserving of any positive attention or labelling. .

So,I have to question how 'fearless' it is for an addict/alcoholic whose default personality/ego is already self-deprecatory and demoralised. Further humiliation and guilt- induction through attempting this step is little different to the guilt and shame they have already endured throughout their addictions.

Regardless of my opinions and concerns, I am pleased to hear you have thrived because of the steps and found 12-step ideology invaluable to your recovery.

Thanks for your patient and courteous replies to my questions.

All the best, Jeremy

[Punkinhead75]

Hi Jeremy,

Looks like I was mistaken about the positive stuff being mentioned in the BB or 12 & 12.  I couldn't find it.  Sorry if that became misleading.  It did make me go back and read it again so I thank you for that.

I hear what you're saying in regards to those with dual diagnosis.  My attitude is to get whatever help is necessary.  

I read back on your other post and I understand your point.  When I did this step I was willing and ready.  I looked at it as a fact finding process of what was causing my trouble.  I found this list to be valuable tool in my recovery.  I wasn't too worried about looking at the Good stuff.  I just wanted the stuff that was causing me pain to be gone.  Step four is where I was told to start.

The biggest thing I find appealing about the program is that it works for me.

Take care!!!

[hellc@mst]

I guess my opinion on the matter is that  the medical laiety, prevalent withinin the 12 step community ,is ill equiped to safely "guide" many people through this process. I am especially concerned for those in the rooms with dual diagnosis( addiction/alcoholism and a serious mental illness) being guided through this potentially traumatising exercise without an experienced medical practitioner. I accept some find this a cathartic experience, but i fear those who do find this step beneficial make up a small minority of the 12x12 community.

If you do find that BB reference about positive attributes being included in this step, i would love to check it out. I guess the widely promulgated( at least in my experience) understanding of this step,as a ledger of shortcomings, stems from the following step(step 5) which states that we admit to god,ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. People who casually read through the steps may work backwards from step 5  and assume they are meant to compile a list of their moral shortcomings and wrongs only. I just wonder if its not really guilt induction dressed up as therapy.

Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate your responses as they help me to understand what Steppers find appealing about the program.  
All the best, Jeremy

[Punkinhead75]

You make a great point in regards to listing positive stuff as well as negative stuff.  I personally didn't do that at the time but many folks do and find it helpful.  I'm pretty sure that is even suggested in the AA literature.  I'm not sure where but I believe it is in either the Big Book or the 12 & 12.  

The problem you suggest in regards to newcomers being fragile is why it is important to go through the steps with someone we are comfortable with.  They can guide us, encourage and coach us with why we do what we do and help us be ok with what we are doing.  Keep in mind the step says a "fearless" moral inventory.  If one is terrified then perhaps they should postpone while they work one ridding themselves of the fear.  At this point the fear is probably the first thing on the 4th step they work on.

I know for me when I did this step it was one of the first times I took an honest look at myself.  I found great freedom and hope as I started looking at myself and then proceeded to the following steps.

I think the key here is to be fearless.

Thanks for the post!!

[hellc@mst]

Hello. I have some questions regarding this step which i was hoping you could clarify.

Most addicts/alcoholics who walk into NA/AA have serious issues with poor self esteem and confidence and are terrified to enter into this step as advocated by the 12 step community. I want to know what benefit is to be gained by writing a loquacious ledger of all our sins, character flaws, resentments, guilt, when many are already in a seriously comprimised emotional state?

I would also like to know why people are dissuaded from listing their positive attributes(far more therapeutically beneficial) and are told/'suggested' that they focus,instead,  on their traumatising experiences and unflattering shortcomings. When did "make a fearless moal inventory of ourselves"become~compile a list of all your dirt?

My understanding of a "ledger" is to include both sides of the coin otherwise it is just a list of liabilities. Special emphasis should be placed upon trying to improve the Addicts/alcoholics damaged psyche not damaging it further. No business/company lists all their liabilities whilst ignoring their assets because the sum would not represent their business accurately. The same could be said of addicts/alcoholics.

I believe rehashing old experiences and moral shortcomings outside of a professional therapeutic setting is potentially dangerous and counterproductive. This step is frightening in the sense that it is could easily become a "dirt dossier", causing further, unnecessary harm and could be the catalyst which leads to eventual relapse.

Anyway. All the Best Regards Jeremy.