WANT TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE

[melodie79]

HERE IS A LETTER I RECEIVED YESTERDAY FROM MY DAUGHTER. SHE IS 16 YEARS OLD AND IS IN TREATMENT FOR BEHAVIOR ISSUES,  SHE HAS ADHD AND HAS BEEN IN TREATMENT FOR 5 MONTHS.  I AM RECOVERYING FROM OXYCOTTIN ADDICTION,, STARTED METHADONE 5 DAYS AGO HAVENT USED PILLS IN 4 DAYS "HOORAY".  ANYWAYS SHE WROTE ME A LETTER AND I WANT TO SHARE WITH ALL OF YOU WHOM ALSO HAVE CHILDREN,,,,SO HERE GOES

DEAR MOM
LITTLE DO YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME. HOW MUCH THE SIMPLE MOMENTS, THE TIMES OF LAUGHTER,  THE TIMES OF TALKING,  THE TIMES OF SHARING,,HAVE SO GREATLY IMPACTED ME.  I LOOK AT YOU AND I SEE A WONDERFUL PERSON.  SOMEONE I ADMIRE GREATLY.  YOU ARE SO STRONG,  I WATCHED YOUR FACE AS I TRIED TO TEST YOUR LIMITS SO MUCH THAT IT WOULD MAKE ANYONE ELSE CRY.  FROM MY TEMPER TANTRUMS TO ME JUST BEING A TEEN-AGE GIRL,  YOU DEALT WITH IT HEAD ON. AND SOMEHOW YOU DID IT,,DESPITE THE STRUGGLES WITH A STRONG FACE.  I KNOW YOU'VE SHED TEARS,  BUT YOU NEVER LET ME SEE THEM.
WHEN I LOOK AT YOU I SEE WHAT A GOOD PERSON YOU ARE. I THINK OF ALL THE HARD KNOCKS YOU HAVE HAD IN YOUR LIFE.  YOUR MOM, YOUR SISTERS, THE ALCOHOL ABUSE, AND THE SEXUAL ABUSE, AND THE CAS TAKING YOU FROM YOUR MOTHER. AND ALL THAT YOUR MOTHER DID TO YOU. NOT PROTECTING YOU, AND MOST OF ALL,,,ALL THE PAIN YOU FELT. I WISH I COULD OF BEEN THERE FOR YOU MOM,,I WOULD OF PROTECTED YOU,  FOR THAT I AM SORRY MOM.  I WANT YOU TO KNOW MOM THAT I LOVE YOU AND I WILL NEVER HURT YOU.   BUT YOU HAVE STAYED SO STRONG AND CARING SO CONCERNED ABOUT OTHERS.  I THINK OF THE TIMES THAT I JUST NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO,  YOU OPENED YOUR DOOR AND DROPPED EVERYTHING JUST TO HEAR ME OUT. IT'S A WONDER TO ME HOW I EVER GOT SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AS A MOM.
THERE ARE TIMES THAT I HONESTLY CANT BELIEVE THE GOOD FORTUNE  I HAVE BY KNOWING SOMEONE LIKE YOU.  I LOOK FORWARD TO MANY MORE YEARS OF BEING YOUR DAUGHTER. YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL TO ME.  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MOMMY.
I WILL TRY TO DO BETTER NOT FOR YOU OR DAD BUT FOR WHO YOU MIGHT ASK ME? FOR ME MYSELF AMANDA.  MOM I KNOW IT WONT BE EASY FOR YOU TO TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I AM TRYING TO DO BETTER BECAUSE YOU DONT SEE IT. I WOULD FEEL THAT WAY TOO IF I DID'NT KNOW..... CHANGES WONT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT YOU HAVE TO SLOWLY WORK YOUR WAY UP TOO THE TOP.  I PROMISE YOU IT WONT BE EASY FOR NOTHING IS,  THIS WILL PROBALLY BE THE HARDEST AND TOUGHEST TIMES IN MY LIFE.  IF YOU PROMISE ME THAT YOU WILL BE THERE FOR ME AND NOT TO GIVE UP THROUGH THICK OR THIN, I WILL TRY MY BEST, PLEASE REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE I DONT WANT THE LIFE OF MY CHILDREN TO BE THE SAME AS MINE.  I WANT IT TO BE BETTER THEN I EVER HOPED FOR  LOVE YOU ALWAYS AMANDA.   XOXOXOXO

THAT IS SO INSPIRING TO ME TO CHANGE.  I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THAT AND HOPEFULLY GET SOMETHING FROM IT... OUR CHILDREN DESERVE A BETTER FUTURE.  IF YOU CANT STOP USING MAYBE DO IT FOR YOUR CHILDREN.....I KNOW I AM..........LOVE MELODIE

[scaredmom330]

I read that letter with tears running down my face...you did something right to raise such a child like your daughter..


thanks for sharing

[NautyOne]

That letter was beautiful and such a HUGE step for her.  HUGE !!!  I get what she is doing and is the first step to RECOVERY & HEALING !!!

Thank you for sharing something so incredibly personal & inspiring !

I wish you both the best.

Luv,
Nauty..................

[melodie79]

I grew up in care of c.a.s..  my mother has 6 girls and threw our life she was and is an alcoholic.  She lives 10 minutes from me but is still drinking and not allowed around my girls.  I will not allow her to hurt them the way she did us.  I left home when I was 10 I grew up in Toronto.  When I was  10 cas took me.  The very first foster home I was placed in I was molested by the foster father,,that was my first sexual encounter.  From that time on I began drinking to try to forget.  By 12 I was working on the streets as a prostitute.  Thats when drinking really took over.  I could'nt work inless I drank,  I was so ashamed and embarrasses that I needed to drink just to be able to work.  During those years 12-18 I should of died,,I was kidnapped,,raped,,beaten,,suicide attempts,,but some how I made it through. Dont know how but I did.  I moved to london when I was 18 but it took me to 25 to even consider that I had a severe drinking problem.  And believe me I fought (treatment every step of the way).. but I made it.  I quite drinking because of my daughter.  That's why I was so angry,,upset,,and disappointed that I became addicted to perks and oxycottin.  With all that I went through with alcohol abuse how could I let myself become addicted to pain meds???  It started 8 years ago when I needed oral surgery at the time I knew NOTHING about pills.  And the dentist was nice enough not to warn me of addiction,,,,not that it mattered because I would of taken them anyways,, it covered the pain I felt.  Like many of you on here have stated,,they made everything better..  even cleaning was enjoyable,,,(lol).  it started so innocent 1 perk here 2 there,, then when I couldnt find perks someone introduced oxycottin.  And I was taking them every day for at least the last 7 years,  40mg am 40mg pm.  What a vicous cycle.  Well this time it was a little easier to admit to my drug problem,,(then alcohol),,,but I have admitted and am now on methadone program. I have been on the methadone program for 5 days now.  I still struggle but it gets easier everyday. I am making a plan and with all of your support I can and will make it "you can count on that".  Nothing means more to me then my girls nothing.  I dont want any of you to think this is a sad sob story because it's not.  I over came alcohol,, and all that I endured when I was younger,,I wish I could say the same for my 5 sisters,,they are all still struggling,, 3 alcoholics,,2 iv drug users,, "please say prayers for them" .  But I have came along way from that dark place I was in for soooo long.  I do have low low times,, I miss family but they are all using and I cant be around that,, so as far as xmas and holidays they are very lonely.  My children dont have aunts and uncles or grandmas or grandpas,, but they do have me.  And for now that will have to do.  I have enough thought of adopting a grandma or mother (lol).  I just hope one day my girls have lots and lots of children to sit around my kitchen table.  Since starting the meth clinic 5 days ago I am alive again,, I started at the gym (ymca) I am eating a cooking again,,I love cooking and my family is so (full) from eating.  I am taking my sheppard to the dog park,, I forgot how beautiful the outdoors where,,,and tonight I am going to my first N/A meeting.  AVIS posted a message the other day about seeking councelling or working on recovery.  I cant agree more I think one of the reason I was so willing and able to continue with my addiction with pills is because even though I quite drinking,,,sober 8 years now I never worked on any of the issues of why I started drinking in the first place.  and like some many have said on here they go from one drug to another.  I only found this web site 6 days ago,,I posted an ad starting methadone today.  since finding this site and all you wonderful people,,and reading all these threads and everything everyone has gone through this is what I have learned and here's my plan.  Inless we really work on the issues,,,what ever they may be we will always be in danger of relasping or using.  Mehtadone will not fix my problems.  They will stop the with drawls but all that stuff deep down will continue to resurfish it let un dealt with.  I will use methadone to give me time to make a plan,,get help,,recovery,,treatment,, I want to be free of all substances.  I am going to first N/A meeting tonight.  I will no longer try to do it all on my own "look where that got me"  I will continue to come here for support you have all already given me so many tools to work with and I cant thankyou all enough SINCERLY.  I feel like I have a family now.  I feel like I am apart of something good and decent.  I love you all trully.  PILLS are not going to take my life or impact my childrens life anymore.... I feel so empowered by all of you.  I feel like I can do anything,,I dont think you all relize what a great bunch of people you all are,,,trully amazing.  I am just honered to be here and have all of you behind me....thankyou greatly sincerly MELODIE  XOXOXO

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I told you several days ago that you had the "feel" of a winner.  Now I know just how much of a winner that you really are........and that is in Grand Campion category.  

I just told someone today that my son means more to me than life itself. I would step in front of a bullet for him and thank God for the opportunity to do so...............I think that you know how I feel - - - - - Keep the PM's to me going...you are gonna do fine and you will bring your family right along with you!  Way to be doing things........    eagle

[imanaddict]

Awww!! How sweet! I quit my Norco addiction because of my kids too. Thank God they are too young to understand, and they have no clue that I am eternally grateful to them.

[SophieShine]

I wish I had had the time to tell all that to my mom. Unfortunately, she left too soo, way too soon and in an horrible way.
You both are so lucky to have each other. I wish you a zillion years of happiness together.
Enjoy every moment, every second of that endless love.
Thanx a lot for sharing this with us.

[sway1]

my mother passed away before i was able to make any kind of amends with her. even with all the problems you and your daughter share, you have a wonderful gift. for so many, it is often too late to say the things that matter most. blessed be.     sway

[KLM_81]

You obvioulsy have raised an excellent daughter! And I now exactly how you feel (being inspired by your family, that is...) I'm 27, and don't have any children but I have been inspired my my wife and father. I was a terrible person for a long time, but four months ago I started on suboxone, and recently changed to methadone. (Suboxone was just too expensive.) I'll spare you my life story, but the other day my father told me that he was "proud of how I was coming along." I know that doesn't sound like much, but my dad is a man who gives very few compliments. He's always been there for me, but he's not very vocal with encouragement--- that's just how he is. That being said, I almost cried. And last night my wife said that she was proud of me, and that she finally had the "perfect" husband. I'm nowhere near perfect, but to hear those kind of compliments after all the bad things I've done to them in the past makes me realize just how lucky I really am! And it motivates me to make up for all that I have done.

[Ronnie152]

That was really nice, I am happy you have each other. Wishing u a life time of happieness.

[dominosarah]

You and your daughter are very lucky.........sara

[road2recovery]

ok, i am crying and can't type...give me a minute...
r2r

[cathy5841]

melodie, how sweet.  there is not better inspiraton to quit than the love of a child.  i pray all works out well for you both...keep us posted.