a life surrounded by pot

[onthefringe]

I have no one else to talk to about this subject, so I'm asking for your advise.  I have been dating a guy for over a year now and since we've started seeing each other I've known that he smokes pot.  I didn't think our relationship was going to get serious so I didn't worry about it too much.  We are know living together and I can see us being together for quite some time...unless the smoking doesn't stop.  This is such a problem with me because I grew up in a household where my mother and stepdad smoked pot.  When I was younger it wasn't such an issue, but as I became a teenager I started to see how terrible this addiction had become.  My parents would stay in their room smoking while my little brother and cousins would be begging to come in.  I always ended up taking care of them and trying to keep them away from the smoke.  My mom borrowed money from me often while I was in high school.  I always blamed it on the money she wasted on getting high.  I resent it and sometime I resent her.  She still does it and it kills me to go home and see my niece in the same situation, as my step-sister smokes to, with my mom and her dad.  This has been going on for years now, so not only am I resentful and angry but I also feel lonely and left out.  But I refuse to smoke.  My boyfriend has NEVER encouraged me to smoke.  But he often puts me in situations where I am exposed to it very closely.  I hate it and everything about it.  The smell makes me furious and when I know he's chosen to smoke instead of keep me company I feel as though he's chosen it over me.  This problem seems to only be getting worse.  Sometimes I think I'm overreacting, so many people smoke and think it does no harm.  But I can't change the way I feel and I'm very afraid that my hatred of this drug is going to cause me to lose this man that I love.  I refuse to have a future with marijauna involved, and he knows this, but I'm afraid he's still going to do it.  I'm at a loss.  I have no idea what I am suppose to do...

[xtastypucpoppa]

sounds to me like you need to take a couple hits and you might like it ya noob, grow up and calm down it is only a  little pot, my parents smoke the **** everyday but they support their habbit, i love pot it also sounds to me like you should't have continued to see him if you didnt like the fact that he was doing it.... so you have three options, stay, ...and deal with it, leave, and find a new man..... or take a hit yourself and just relax , has anyone ever died from smoking pot,, no so sounds to me like you have a decision to make , hope you make the right choice in the long run - nataie

[GoingToMakeIt]

Bingo! It has been said by those here. You moved into this situation. Why do you think it should be different?
So often we fool ourselves, thinking we can change the other. Does this ever really work? Rarely. Has he mentioned quitting? Probably not.


I empathize with the decision you have to make. It is a tough one. I think you already know the answer. Good Luck.

[livingthelie]

i have a little problem with your post..Sorry ..but i have to call it as i see it...You entered a relationship with this man knowing he was a pot smoker, You even stepped up the relationship by moving in with him knowing he was a smoker....Now you are saying he is choosing the pot over you ?..when in reality the POT was there long before you.....so you choose him and the POT....

did you think you could change him after the fact :( ?..obvisouly you were ok with his pot smoking/lifestyle long beforehand,,and you must have made this clear to him ?....so i think there is 2 sides to this one..and alot of the weight on your shoulders..it also has the classic smell of the ole Bait and Switch routine..

i think bottom line is that you need to make the decison to stay or go..since you made the decison to enter the relationship...


so this is how i see this,

Brian

[carr]

a man will get away with whatever a woman will let him get away with...having said that....it stands true for an addict too no matter what gender...i smoked pot for 20 years or so and just gave it up one day....wasnt that hard....not really...anyways....he wont give it up unless he see's that u mean business and then if he doesnt...he wasnt worth the time.....take care


carrie

[mycrystal1233]

.....When he is about to lose me, he says he will go but then he backs out and says that he doesn't need it and counselors do not help because he already knows what they are going to say ect...the whole BS story that I am sure you know all about.  This is what I did because I am enabling him to treat me like this.  I have given him an ultimatum and asked him to go to counseling (which so far he refused as soon as I told him the time/date).  I have also told him that I did not want to see him or talk to him on the phone until he decides that he will go like he had said initially.  That way I will not be wasting more of my time.  Also, there is a consequence that he will have because I have always come back in the past and given him what he wanted...This is real talk now.  I know I cannot change him, but I cannot wait any longer either.  Will keep you all posted...Hope this helped

[mycrystal1233]

My boyfriend told his family that he was going to marry me someday and after 3 years of dating...his pot and friends seem to be of more importance to him than I.  I don't know what to tell you because I am in the same boat as you. At one point, he led me to believe that I was crazy, but the heart/gut does not lie.  On my birthday, he took me to have breakfast, which was nice...but he did not give me a birthday card or gift because money was too tight....but let me tell you he had enough money for his pot.  It feels like he doesn't care because I can see him resent me for not liking his stoner friends.  How could I, they are not anywhere near settling down and they like to still party.  After three years, I feel that the least he could do is meet me half way and go to counseling w/me to see if he is truly addicted to pot or if there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.......

[redwinger]

I would advise you to really think about this hard before this relationship goes any further. Take it from me. My husband DID inform me that he was a recovering addict and that he had been on methadone for about 4 years. He said that he occasionally smoked pot, but let me tell you that ever since we've been married(about 4 years) he has smoked pot almost everyday of our marriage. There have been many fights over this as I hate everything about any drugs. If your Boyfriend is doing this now, I can PROMISE you that he will not stop. Most pot smokers I know are smokers for life. Very few stop smoking it, unless they just grow up and give it up. Good luck to you, but please think long and hard before you committ yourself to a life with a pot smoker.

[Savas]

I hate to say it but it sounds like you're in a losing situation. If you walked into the room right now, and told him "hon, you have to choose, give up smoking pot because of my issues with it, or my leaving." what do you think he'd do?
     If he's doing it daily he's got a problem, but if he's just an occassional user, then he won't see it as a problem. (Doesn't mean he has one too, an occassional drink does not make one an alcoholic).
   Regardless of which it is, this sounds like it's going to be a sticking point in your relationship. Call him out on it, but be prepared for the worst (It's been going on this way for a while, after all, he knows how you fell and hasn't stopped).

[susieq87]

I don't know if NA has a support group for the spouse such as AA does, it is called Alanon, just replace the alcohol problem with the drugs.  If you really feel he is the "he one", you might consider it, just taking care of yourself.

[IBKleen]

Hi and Welcome!

With your background, I am surprised that you started dating him knowing that he smoked pot.

I have to be honest, it is going to be difficult to get him to stop. He has to want to and it doesn't sound as if he does. You can't change him, no matter what the circumstance is.

I am sorry but you have difficult decisions to make.

[hillary5]

hey there and welcome.... have you talked to him about your past and how it makes you feel when he does it? like you being second to the pot?  i mean if you are so against him smoking and you do not want to be involved w/someone who smokes pot, then you need to tell him this now ... i mean you knew before you moved in w/him ... you cannot change him, he has to want to stop himself ..no matter what you say or how many times you threaten to leave or what have you, he will not stop ... if you are that serious about it, you need to take action now .. how old are you?  ... you have your whole life ahead of you and do not waste it on someone who doesn't want to quit ... there are plenty of good men out there who are drug free ... have you talked about maybe going to NA meetings w/him?  but you have to be honest w/yourself, don't waste your time w/him if he isn't going to quit ..... moving in w/someone or marrying them thinking you can change them afterwards is not going to happen .. let us know if you have any other questions .. i'm not trying to sound harsh, just honest ... i'm sure others will post on here too ... good luck to you ... take care of YOURSELF .... peace!